Before coming to Zambezi we were all aware of the many luxuries that would be absent from our lives during our time here. Having but a few changes of clothes, the separation from the technology that rules our lives, and of course the cold showers never concerned me. In fact I was looking forward to a life in which I could live in these simple means. But the thought never crossed my mind that our showers would not have a shower curtain. A simple luxury, yet a provider of such a strong sense of security, gone.
Be Vulnerable: the second listed promise on the group contract we all created together one of our first nights here in Zambezi. One of the most important things I have learned while being here came to me as I hopped into a cold shower after a sunrise run. At first, I was uncomfortable with the open corner shower I quickly cleaned myself in, but now I see all the beauty in being uncovered and exposed.
I am constantly finding happiness in my time here and sometimes I can’t help my lips from curling into a grin. Being in Zambezi, it is easy to be happy because it is easy to be, easy to be free. The people here welcome us into their community, their homes, and their lives with the deepest pride.
I think I surprised myself when recognizing all the things I do to put up walls, to draw the curtains, to give myself that sense of security so that I can hide all that makes me vulnerable.
I find myself asking, why do we barricade our souls with walls to separate ourselves from others? Here the people are in such a deep-rooted sense of community and family and they take care of one another in such a way that there is no need for someone to be closed off. The people here are open, they are free to be with each other. In many ways coming from the States we come from a mentality that you have to look out for number one, which in turn makes us close ourselves off. In contrast, people here understand that if one struggles they all struggle, if one triumphs they all triumph. I have seen this when a group of boys helps the other to sound out a difficult word while reading in the courtyard. I have seen this in our leadership class when people share with us their life stories. I have seen this within our own group here as we all pitch in to copy lesson plans and homework for classes and activities that we won’t be participating in.
Why do we fear to open up our deepest thoughts and being to the world? Why do we remain to lead lives that are comfortable that don’t present challenges that test who we are as people? Being here has made me understand more than ever that we like to hide our own humanity. We attempt to protect our hearts but in the process we smother our potential.
I came into this trip expecting to have my eyes opened but I am glad that the doors to my heart and soul have been lifted off their hinges.
Everyday we are presented with the opportunities to be vulnerable and to open up. Whether it be talking to a member in my leadership class, having a life chat with one of the beautiful people I am experiencing this adventure with, dancing our “Chindele” asses off for the Makishi, or washing the days dirt and sand from another’s feet and having your own feet cleansed; we are all able to let go of our insecurities; you just have to say yes.
As I strive to “keep my heart wide” I am beginning to understand what it means to be free.
Mateo Trujillo
Class of 2014
P.S. Mom and Dad: With all my time here you have always been present with me. I really wish there were words for me to express to you my love and appreciation for both of you. All I am doing is my process to becoming a man you can be proud of. I love you very much, and Happy Late Birthday Ma!
Marcos and Milan and Mia: I hope you guys are doing well. The Armstrong family constantly reminds me of us, three boys and now the new addition Grace to the family. I bet the Daytrader concert was amazing. You are always here, especially when listening to Clarity as I made early morning breakfast with Megan. Mia I hope you did well on your finals and all the studying paid off. Keep that kid off of you. I miss you guys so much. Love you. And Happy Late Birthday too Marcos!
Hi Honey!,
I can hear your voice steady and clear in your post! My heart is full of you and for you.
The insight of your group to put vulnearbility at the top of your promise list was right on point. To be vulnerable, to risk, is the basis for true growth and the fullest love.
I have been proud of you long before this experience was on your horizon! I am grateful and thrilled for you to have this life changing experience with your CLP family and new found friends and family in Zambia! I love you so!
It is late here but Mia will see this in the am and you will hear from her then.
XOXO, Mom
Hi Mateo,
You don’t know me but I relate to you with the feelings that you have experienced. I am a volunteer at the Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland and came familiar with your group through Stefanie’s mom Linda Watson.
I grew up in Bombay (India – now called Mumbai – India) as a city girl and end up in country after I got married. It was an arranged marriage and I had no choice to say NO. I went from a busy city like NY to a colonial type living – I was 17 then. I was devastated – but I learned to live with very little luxury and survived. Like you I learned a lot and my life have never been the same since then.
Then my husband died in an accident – I ended up in the USA. I was shocked with the difference in a lifestyles that 17 years old live. It was the total opposite in compare to what I had experienced. Forgot about the luxury – I am talking about the freedom people take as granted in our daily lives in the US.
I always wondered, why do people in the US love to go camping so much, and spend tons of money on camping gear? Don’t they know that people live like camping all their lives – or even in worse conditions?
I am so proud of you and all your group for what you are doing with you guys are doing with your lives. You all will never the same again – and don’t be surprise when you come back and many of your friends will not understand your feelings and you may feel distant from them. That is because you have gone way far from them and are still living behind curtains and barricaded their souls with walls to separate themselves from others.
Thank you reading!
Kulvinder Kaur.
PS: Hi Stephanie, your parents are amazing – see they have raised an amazing human being – YOU – who has become a world traveler. I feel that this the beginning for you and many more opportunities to come.
PPS: To all the parents – I know how it feels when a child is gone away. You all have done an amazing job and scarified for children’s future – keep up the good work!
Just wanted to add a little more.
I have been in the US for over 15 years now and I have come across so many wonderful people who like to get out of their comfort zone to help others. It makes me feel overwhelmed that people care. I wish I was there with you guys. And of course – I like camping myself as I have adapted to the American culture – but I have never forgotten about a time in my life when I showered without curtains. I send my great respect to all of you as I know how hard it could be to out of a comfort zone…
Dear Mateo,
A shower curtain? Who wudda thunk it? That the absence of something so obscure could be so meaningful? I hope to look at the things around me a little differently today, so thanks!
You, your fellow students, and the people of Zambia continue to touch my heart every day, and it makes me so happy to have you all in my life – your words are cherished.
My best to all!
Ann
PS – Love you Paige!
Dear Mateo:
I am constantly amazed at the insights all of you are sharing with us. This was wonderful, indeed.
I really believe that it is never too late to risk exposure and grow. It is just so hard at times to do so. It is often too easy to just sit and wait for life to happen.
Thank you for putting this into words so well.
Fondly, Barb (Anne’s mom)
Great reflection, Mateo! One can’t manufacture the kind of vulnerability and learning you all are experiencing, you just have to live it- and you are.
Mateo and all,
The shower curtain…….something you never think about but can’t imagine living without. I remember my second year at Gonzaga and living in Lincoln…..We all shared an open shower with 6 heads….I remember that vulnerable feeling and am now reliving it with all of you. It is an amazing feat to overcome that vulnerability and live each day to the fullest. All of you are doing that and doing it with grace and confidence. We are all so proud of you.
The blog is the best part of our day here in Seattle. Keep it coming! Enjoy your last few weeks in Zambia. We miss you all and are waiting for your return…..
XXOO,
Kathleen Murphy
E…..hope teaching has been amazing.
Mateo,
As I read your post, I find myself beaming with pride in a nephew that has grown to be one of the kindest young men I know. I feel your sentiment through your written word and it makes me smile.
I have found through my life that being vulnerable has always lended itself to a teachable moment; a time to learn something about myself.
My heart and soul sing for you! I am so very happy that you are having an experience that will undoubtably change your life forever and those you have come in contact with.
I Love you Teo!
Mateo I can’t write much cause I gotta leave for work soon buddy but I just wanted to let you know that I read you post my man. I wish you and the leadership team the best. It’s a challenging experience but so cool when you realize how much you are learning from your students. One of the recent pictures looks like you still got your hair growing long my friend. Hope that stash is staying fresh. Peace Love My Friend.
Kurt Guenther
Heat won last night so the series is 1-1. GO thunder.
Mateo,
What a great way to start my day reading your reflection on your experience there in Zambezi. Any parent could only hope that their son or daughter could grow to be so insightful to realize the truly important things in life. With this you will continue to grow to be even a more amazing person than you are today. I think it is a powerful thing to realize that vulnerability, in fact, is not a sign of weakness but a means to empowerment.
You’ve taught this old man a lesson.
You inspire me.
You’ve always made me proud.
I Love You,
Dad
BEAUTIFUL post, Mateo. There are several lines from this blog that jumped out at me, especially because I left Zambia 367 days ago today and I still think about it on a daily basis, but the one line that stuck with me is “We attempt to protect our hearts but in the process we smother our potential.” If there is any advice I can give you, it is to open your heart and embrace your potential while you are in Zambezi – because you will never regret it… I don’t. I live my life in the U.S. every day knowing that the love I experienced in Zambezi changed me for the better and it opened me up to so many possibilities. Hold too many hands, be late for dinner because you are watching the sunset or having a conversation, play with the children, go to a friend’s house for dinner, buy too many chintenges, take too many pictures, bond with your peers. You’ll look back on these moments and realize that you are happier than you have ever been with less than you have ever had (materially) and a heart that is fuller than you knew was possible.
Kisu Mwane,
Megan
Zambezi Alum, 2011
Mateo!
I am so glad that you are enjoying your experience and taking everything to heart and seeing life as it truly can be, beautiful. You are an amazing, strong, beautiful man with so much to give the world. Daytrader WAS amazing, but we definitely missed you being here, singing along side us. Continue to open yourself and your heart, not only to Zambia but the world, the people you meet will be better for knowing you and having you in their life. Thinking of you always, I miss you and can’t wait to hang out when you get back. Have fun and be safe (especially when you and Alex get to the UK. I love you.
Marcos
P.s. you are a really good writer!
Dear Mateo,
As I was showering this morning, I was thinking of your blog post, imagining the cold water in a curtainless shower, in beautiful Zambia surrounded by beautiful people, “being uncovered and exposed”. Your heart and soul “lifted off the hinges” is a phenomenon that will continue long after you return home. You all are learning to live life to its fullest. Thanks for the inspiration!
Anne Dickman (Alex’s mom)
P.S. Alex, I am sending tons of love and good thoughts your way every day. I can’t wait to hear your voice – I’ve never gone this long without talking to you. Sometimes I pick up my phone to call and tell you something, and I remember… you are off on the journey of a lifetime! We will have to spend alot of time together reminiscing – my heart is open and awaiting your return. All the best to you and everyone around you!
Mateo,
Great job of capturing your feelings. What a wonderful and powerful experience. I will pray it stays with you a long time.
What up bro?!
That was beautifully written and refreshingly insightful Mateo. It’s surprising to see how a simple everyday necessity can provide more than practicality for us. I’m glad to hear you’re allowing every bit of this experience to teach you about life and expand your mind, heart, and soul. I admire that. Not gonna lie, hearing all this makes me even that more jealous I didn’t apply this year, but hearing it also encourages me to do it next summer. And your hair is pretty long. I see you using that bandana type of deal, looks fresh.
Continue to be vulnerable and open up to every person there, even your fellow CLP classmates. Tell Brady and Meagan I said I and that I wish them the best also. This is an amazing experience and I can’t wait to hear all about it from all of you when school starts.
Take care brother.
Mateo,
I really enjoyed your post. You never miss something until its gone – isn’t that a song?
The joy and adventure comes through in your writing. It has been a pleasure reading all of your posts – it makes our day.
P.S. Alex, we miss you every day. Love ya.
P.P.S. Your Heat played well last night
Dear Mateo,
Your words have always inspired me. Teo you are a great role model and i appriciate all of what you are doing in Zambia. I am so happy that you are having a great time. I miss you alot. I love you and can’t wait till you get home.
love,Mia
I’m so glad to see your post today. I find myself searching the blog site every afternoon, looking forward to reading your impressions and experiences, and I am disappointed on those days when no new post has appeared.
Mateo, you crafted a clever analogy of being exposed and vulnerable. And, you have given a new meaning to the expression ‘off the hinges’ that I will always think of now. You have all been doing a beautiful job of painting the picture of your thoughts and feelings, as well as the powerful character of the people that are sharing their lives and village with you. Thank you for opening your hearts to us in words. I have grown through your experiences and vivid descriptions. And, I am proud of each one of you and so thankful that God has put you all right where you should be- body, heart, mind and soul.
Bugga- I whooped out loud a little when I saw the picture of you with all of your disciples. Its good to see your smiling face. We love you and miss you, and we will celebrate your return! I miss hearing your voice and seeing your face, but I am not anxious, rather strangely content knowing that you are where you should be right now. I am very proud of you; always have been. BTW-I posted your Dean’s List announcement on the network today, and I am happy to inform you that the city of Blue Springs is proud of you, too! ;o) I had to do it! Love you more, Dad
Hi Mateo,
It is wonderful to hear from you and read about this journey you are on!
We look forward to reading about your experiences everyday and are truly amazed.
Your blog gave us a vivid description of a day in Zambia and how much it has touched
your heart.
Be Safe – Love,
The “Marostica’s”
Hello Mateo,
What a wonderful thing you are doing. You have grown to be a very beautiful and inspiring young man. I hope all your dreams and wishes come true. Have a great time and be safe.
Love ya Nita