“What will you leave me when you go?”
When I wake up every morning at the convent, there are a few things that I can always count on experiencing. I will have a moment of anxiety as I try to sit up and get caught in my mosquito net, I will hear the hushed laughter of students in the main room who have woken up before me, and I will silently curse the rooster reaching a piercingly high decibel right outside my window. The only other certainty is the children who roam outside of our gate, waiting to get their daily first glimpse at us, the chindeles.
The children of Zambezi have brought me frustration, laughter, and pride, but they have more importantly been a constant catalyst for self-reflection. From the moment that my bush plane landed on the dusty airstrip and we were greeted with song and dance, our group has transfixed the children. They will call our names, hold our hands, and write us letters, which are nothing short of heart-warming. However, to my dismay they often ask us for gifts. Or, let me rephrase that. They tell us to leave them gifts.
“When you go, you will leave me a water bottle.”
“When you go, you will gift me a touch phone.”
As I awkwardly stutter through some form of an apology for not being able to do so, I can’t help but notice a fraction of light fade from their smiles. How can we expect the children to understand our idea of accompaniment? To live and learn with a community, our group has determined that giving these gifts as handouts have overall negative consequences. For me, a nineteen-year-old male who is constantly aware and self-conscious about the way people view me, telling somebody no is hard. Maybe some of the adults in the community understand this, and maybe they don’t. But for the children, the lack of an immediate payoff in the form of a gift is not good enough.
Our time in Zambezi is flying by at a breakneck pace, and I am constantly trying to challenge myself to reflect on my experience and make goals for the upcoming days. During the quiet time between dinner and reflection, I often find myself scribbling away in my journal about the many interactions I had throughout the day. It was through an exchange with one of the children hanging around the convent named Deborah that those words sparked a thought. Maybe the children are on to something. What will I leave here when I go? And maybe more importantly, what will I take with me?
Chief Seattle of the Duwamish Native American tribe was once quoted as saying, “Take only memories, leave nothing but footprints.” This is a quote that I used to subscribe to. It helped me remember to take a step back and listen. For those who have known me for a long time, they will agree I have always tended to be the quiet observer in group conversations, not leaving a trace of my opinion and being present only enough to collect and process the thoughts of the group. Looking at this quote now, it almost seems silly in the context of this trip due to the passive nature of the quote. We are not passive members of this community. Every day we engage with the public both through our time spent in our individual teams as well as in our free time down at the market.
When I think about what I want to leave, I hope that it will be more than footprints. Being a part of the health team, we teach multiple lessons per week to different communities within Zambia. Just yesterday, we traveled to Kalendola and thanks to the translating efforts of Mama Love and Mama Josephine I was able to give a lengthy talk about first aid techniques to the people in the community. Of the questions that followed my lesson, one in particular stood out. An elderly man told me about a tradition in their community in which fresh cow dung is rubbed into open wounds in order to heal them faster, and he asked if I could validate this tradition. Along with this question, there have been many others that have sparked an emotional response within me. Why was I given the privilege to think the answers to these questions are basic? What may seem like common knowledge to someone who has grown up in a developed country is sometimes a foreign idea to these small villages. I pray that when I journey back to Spokane, that I leave an intellectual presence behind. If I fail to do so before getting on the plane, then what does that mean for the success of the health team? What does that say about my ability to make an impact?
I also want to leave behind the blind confidence I have in my own experiences being the whole truth. One of the most impactful lessons that I have learned during my time here in Zambia is the idea that a single story is incomplete and dangerous. A single story is never able to capture the beautiful complexity of any community. Much of my experience up to this point in my life was spent learning and memorizing facts that I am then able to regurgitate on an exam. I found myself trying to learn about the Zambezi community in this same way of memorization, and for the first few days I was frustrated with my lack of ability to grasp and understand the world around me. Leaving this mentality behind means understanding that my opinion and my view of a particular experience does not have to be shared by others. Yes, the life that I have lived so far is a truth. But it is my truth, and not necessarily the truth of others.
When I inevitably leave this community I have come to love, I will be taking the lessons I have learned from the people of this community with me. I have been taught to be humble and honest with the people around me. If I ask a fellow college student how they are doing, their answer will almost always be “Great!” or some other form of the word. In contrast, Zambians will tell you exactly how they are feeling. They are honest with their emotions, and this allows them to be transparent to their friends. Living in a convent with 17 other beautiful people can often be overwhelming for an introvert like myself, so I have spent many hours with my journal, recharging in solitude. Remembering to care for my whole self and spend time reflecting is something that I would like to continue. It doesn’t take a crazy day chasing and catching chickens with Mama Love (true story) to have something to reflect on.
The thought of leaving Zambezi turns my stomach in knots. When I go, I will leave behind more than my footprint, and I will give action to the memories that I take with me.
Kisu mwane, my friends,
Justin O’Farrell
Class of 2018
Justin!! Wonderful post – please say hello to Mama Kawatu for me. Walk the sunset path !
Hi Justin– Thank you for your reflection and for sharing your story so far with us. Time does go so quickly towards the end, so enjoy and savor every moment! I loved seeing the photo of you…you look so happy and alive with kids there! I think all of us old Zambia kids are a little Zam-sick wishing we were back there with you all. Even though it is a challenging and stretching month, it’s also a month where we surprise ourselves of all we can be. I’ve been thinking about all of you these past few weeks! I reflect best in solitude and with a journal as well, and it took me awhile to not feel self conscious going outside to sit alone to journal when it seemed like most of the group processed best through talking to others and conversations. I’m glad you’re reflecting and processing in the way that is most authentic to who you are, Justin!
Sweet Sophie–I missed your blog post while I was out of town, but I love you so much and miss you! Your presence is a light, and the same way you make so many at GU feel loved and cared for and important, I have no doubt you’re doing that with your group and with the people in Zambezi you’re meeting too. Can’t wait to sit down and hear your stories in August!
Katie Kenkel and Elly–thinking about you, ladies! I’m anxiously waiting for your blog post! I’m sure the kids are loving you!
I love hearing from all of you with the blogs! Enjoy this time left and wherever you go plant your roots deeply and fearlessly.
Love always, Lindsey
Justin, in a very elegant and in some parts, humorous way you articulated every feeling I had during my interactions with the children in Zambezi. You cherish the moments you spend singing chi tomato, while trying to forgot the times you were asked, “Can I have it.” Although you may not leave a “remembrance” your lessons taught and laughter shared will always be remembered maybe not by your name but by your presents.
Everyone’s experience in Zambezi is unique and their own-as you have already realized. What makes that so special is now, each and everyone of you get to share a new story or lesson with us. You all are truly inspiring and I look forward to continuing to learn from you.
Live in the moment and enjoy the last few days of your journey. Pretty soon you’ll be sitting where I am, crying at every post, and wishing more than anything you could be back in your yellow walled home 10,000 miles away.
Sending lots of love from one of your many homes, Spokane, WA.
Go Zags,
Shelby
Justin,
Like so many other family members here, I’ve been anxiously waiting to hear from you. As you know I was extremely nervous/anxious for you to travel to Zambia and expected to be counting down the days til you were home safe. But after reading all of the amazing blog posts by your fellow Zags and now from you it is clear that I didn’t fully appreciate the experience you would be getting during this trip. I’ve always been so proud of you and am very happy that you convinced me that this trip would be “worth it” and you would be “ok”. Well, I can see now that that you are more than “ok” and this trip is helping you grow in ways that very few are able to or could ever appreciate. I miss you lots and look forward to having you home in a few weeks. Please continue to be safe and more importantly continue to absorb everything you can from this amazing experience. Love you! Dad
Justin – You have always been a strong, thoughtful and driven individual who cares about the people around you. Yes, you do not always speak your mind in front of others, but you always listen, observe and formulate answers and opinions for yourself. I can see you caring so much for this community that has been your home for the past few weeks and I know you want to leave behind a small part of yourself. For each person you touch you will be leaving behind a different part of you whether it be your smile, your laughter, your thoughtful but hard to say “no”, your answers to their health questions or just your presence. All these things are so much more than your footprint. I know that this experience is going to change your life. Thank you and your Zag family for sharing your journey with us back home. I was so excited to read your blog today!! See you very soon!!
Love you Lots, Mom
My Justin,
I’ve been waiting a couple weeks now to read your post and it is nothing short of inspirational (just like you). You have a gift for seeing situations with a level head and clear eyes and because of that I am gathering the immense amount of meaning you are gaining from this journey. It’s humbling to hear such wise words come from you in just the short time you have been there. I pray each and every day for you that God reveals himself to you in your struggles but also in your joyous moments. I love you and miss you every day!
I’ve been praying for the whole group, that you all grow as a community and realize how inspirational each and every one of you are! God has placed many of you in my life to serve as a reminder to remain committed to others and live a life of intention. Just know that I am thankful for each and every one of you!
Love and blessings,
Molly
Loved this post Justin. I often find myself leaving nothing but footprints as you’ve discussed. God wants us to leave more than that! I’m so pumped about the impact you are having on the Zambezi community. Don’t underestimate how important you are to Zambezi. I regret not getting to know you more. That said, you, Sam and I will have to catch up and talk about life when you two get back to Spokane. Loved hearing about your experience so far.
Emily – Miss you a lot. I hope you are still eating eggs and caterpillars, so much protein. I’ve began to fill my time with crafts, and lots of them. Carlee continues to check up on me every time I go to work, she’s great. Hope you are staying healthy. I know you’re doing great over there, can’t wait to hear more about it (only 2 more weeks!). Love you!
Davis – I hope all is well! Miss your flow and beautiful ‘stache. Praying for you bud.
Sending love and prayers to you all from Spokane. Go Zags.
– Hunter Ramp
Oh, my gosh! A great post and we are sooo proud of you! We can’t help but be reminded of the “special glasses” you wore early in your childhood to correct an eye problem and now the different type of “special glasses” you are symbolically wearing in Zambia as you see an entirely different world and way of life! As a young and gentle man your vision is now of a different, much greater and more compassionate nature than perhaps one could have ever imagined.
We’re so proud of you and the opportunities for continued growth this trip has provided for you. May this experience serve you well and provide great insight as you strive to catch the many “chickens” that life has to offer (even if Mama Love isn’t there to help)!
We fondly look forward to your safe return and many stories.
We love you lots!
Sam & Grandma Judy
Hi friends,
Thanks for your insightful reflection, Justin. I’ve been following along on the blog, reading all of your reflections from day one and I have been continually impressed and impacted by the thoughts and stories that you all so eloquently share. I think about you guys almost constantly and, I’ll admit, I check to see if there’s a new posted added a bit aggressively. As I study abroad in Mexico, I have loved following along on your journey as I reflect on my own. Sometimes what you share has mirrored my own experiences in a new light as I learn about the incredible adventure you are having and what you are learning along the way.
I have no doubt in my mind that you all will certainly leave more than footprints and I can’t wait to hear more about your experiences when I see you all next.
Moira, Katie B, Davis, Sam, Justin, Sophie, Molly, and Elly – I feel so fortunate to know you all and hope you know that you are loved and a huge inspiration. Thinking of you all especially.
Praying for each and every one of you. Take care of each other and soak up every minute. Can’t wait to hear about your experiences.
With much love,
Kelly
JUSTIN!!! and Hey everyone!! This post made me miss you so much. So reflective, thoughtful, and made a lot of sense coming from you. I totally understand the pieces of trying to study for an exam and regurgitate the material, but what you are doing is so much more of a profound way of learning. I can’t wait to talk abut these struggles with you of what you are taking and leaving in the beautiful place you are in.
Lots of love to you all
J,
What an honest and heartwarming reflection of your time in Zambezi. I am sure that you and the rest of the GU crew have been making a profound impact on the lives of the people you have come across. Your ability to be vulnerable and grow is something that I will always admire to attain myself. I cannot wait to hear of all the wonderful stories and reflections when you return, but for now, keep doin your thing.
Love you brother,
Collin
Hello Zam Fam!
It has been a couple of days since I have been able to read the blog, so I have some catching up to do. Bare with me.
Justin, I still remember how it made me cringe when the children would ask me for a remembrance or a gift. My advice to you would be that the best remembrance you can give the children you became close to is a note or a letter before you depart from Zambezi. Their faces will still light up, and they will find it to be the best way of remembering you. And don’t you worry, you and the health team are surely leaving more than just your footprints on the sandy paths of that town. You’re leaving the momentous gifts of knowledge and friendship. Keep up the great work; you’re awesome.
Sam/Rizzo, I loved hearing that awkward Zambian wedding story. It is just SO Zambia. Thanks for leaving a smile on my face, and thank you for reminding me of the beauty found when we say yes, even when we don’t want to. Also, those caterpillars are DANK. #TBIYTC
Meg, thank you for painting such a vivid image of your incredible EUREKA moment in class that day. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Especially in a community such as Zambezi. The women in your class are certainly more than grateful to have you as a teacher, a mentor, and a friend. Just amazing. I hope you continue to inspire.
SOPHIE, your words are so genuine. It is certainly difficult to find the courage to speak whole-heartedly in a community that is so new and so different. I hope that as your trip goes on, you continue to share your wisdom and your genuine kindness with your peers and your students. Keep smiling and keep diving in head first.
You all inspire me.
<3 Pete
“A single story is never able to capture the beautiful complexity of any community.” Wise words, Justin! Glad you’re realizing the importance of embracing complexity and yet still doing your best to serve.
Also, forgot to give a shoutout to my boy Tyler Hamke, who I just learned was on this trip. You managed to keep that a secret all year somehow. I’m sure you’re killin it. Love ya bro
Justin!
What an admirable ability you have to be constantly observing, reflecting, and intentionally interacting with the world around you. Your care for others is humble and genuine; you are leaving more than footprints in the lives of those in Zambezi, just as you have left more than simply footprints on the hearts of your friends and family back home.
Keep inspiring action! And enjoy the journey!
Prayers and love,
Claire
Justin!
I am beyond proud of you, buddy. It is exciting to see you continue to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. These issues that you are wrestling with are tough. You and I are similar in that we like these kind of issues addressed in clear ways that we can wrap our brains around. So, when the solutions are not as tangible as we like, we struggle. I am excited for you to continue on this journey of accompaniment, as well as identify how you can leave more than your footprints behind.
Enjoy the rest of your journey! I cannot wait for you to come home so that I can hear about your stories and adventures.
Jack
P.S. Sam, I caught your post late. It is awesome to see you stretch yourself the way you have, and I a excited to see how you will continue to do so. Love you boys.
To everyone else: I miss you guys, and cannot wait to see you soon!
Justin!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! So glad to hear that you are getting so much out of this experience and are taking the time to reflect on those experiences. I hope that in the rest of your time there that you are successful in leaving more than just your footprints behind. Looking forward to hearing more about this journey when I see you in the fall. Praying for you and the rest of the group that God fills you even more with the time you have left.
TBIYTC,
Caroline May
PS. Diggin’ the photo…those dance moves are certainly something you should leave behind when you go, but also are something that you should definitely bring back! 🙂
Justin!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am so glad to hear that you are getting so much out of this experience and that you are taking the time to reflect on those experiences. I hope that you are successful in leaving behind more than just you footprints and pray that God gives you the opportunities to do so. Looking forward to hearing all about this journey when I see you in the fall. Praying for you and the rest of the group that God fills you even more with the time that you have left.
TBIYTC,
Caroline May
PS. Diggin’ the photo…those dance moves and the joy that they bring are certainly something you can leave behind when you go, but most definitely are something that you should bring back! 🙂
Justin, your post really struck a chord with me. It makes me realize how this amazing experience is shaping and influencing each of you. One recurring theme I’ve seen is the “stepping outside the box” from each of you. Each post has caused me to undergo some level of self examination and I can’t help but feel I’m taking something away from your experiences every day!
Your Dad’s comments, however, scored a direct hit on me. I felt the same way about Handy going on this trip. Just as he has, I can now see how this was the right thing for her.
Emily – I miss you very much. You must know I can’t write this kind of thing without tears! You know me too well. I’m excited for you to come home but I’m more excited for you to continue your experience in Zambia. I know you and I know you are letting it change and impact you. That in and of itself makes this whole experience worth it in every way. As an aside, the strike is over and the workers will be back to work this week so I’m going home Tuesday. Can’t wait to get back home to Mom, your sisters, the dogs, and my normal job! I love you very much.
Thanks for the thoughtful post, Justin! As I avidly read all the blog posts, eager to hear about everyone’s experiences and activities, I’ve really appreciated this idea that “a single story is incomplete and dangerous”.
From Sam’s mom
Another insightful post. Each one is such a gift. Thanks to each of you.
Katie P, all is well at home. We are heading up to The Bay tonight after your dad ushers. Aunt Amber is bringing Carsten to Waukesha to bring him up. Hopefully the last time that she misses out because of the cows! UB, Sydney, Morgan and Gran are already there. The weather forecast looks good for a thunderstorm….yay!
Stay healthy all of you, and continue to inspire!