The past two weeks here have been wonderfully challenging. The community members I have met are full of strength, wisdom and immense determination. Our Gonzaga team is bright, compassionate and relational. I am in awe of this place for many reasons, including the breathtaking sunsets, the constant chatter and hum of laughter and my love/hate relationship with the dusty, bumpy roads. Another reason is the self-exploration this place has afforded me. I have examined not just the things that make me a good student, friend and daughter, but also things that cause me to fall short in all of those aspects of life. It has been difficult to face these attributes and shortcomings head on but it has also been surprisingly healing. It has helped me work on embracing who I am entirely.
Picture taken on our way home from Chitokoloki, one of the many beautiful sunsets seen on our adventure here so far. (pc: Tyler Hamke)
For many people, including myself, a motivation to come here was to get out of their personal comfort zone. Until this trip, I thought that the only place growth could occur was outside of one’s own comfort zone. As an introvert I thought the best way I could expand and get out of my comfort zone was to try and be an extrovert in a stimulating setting like the Zambezi market. However, this caused me to begin to lose my genuine self because I’d compare myself to the incredible abilities of my fellow Zags. For a while I didn’t understand why I would get so anxious walking through the market, talking to my students outside of class or dancing and singing with all the children. I’d second-guess myself every time I tried greeting a shopkeeper or market goer and tell myself “You didn’t pronounce that right” or “You should’ve said something else”. I found myself trying to pretend that I knew all the answers with students outside of the classroom when all they wanted to do was talk. When children didn’t remember or know my name I thought it was because they didn’t like me or I wasn’t fun enough, when actually “Moira” is just extremely hard for them to pronounce.
I am in awe of how great my fellow Zags are at establishing and forming genuine new friendships and at their ability to get out of their comfort zone, which is different for each and every one of us, in a way that leads to new found confidence and growth. I have been trying to emulate them because of my admiration for them.
However, it has become clear that this isn’t the path to true growth for me. I start to lose my genuine self if I try hard to be an extrovert. Spending too much time outside of my comfort zone in this way resulted in me comparing myself to others even more because I was trying to change my true personality.
The past two Thursdays Hayley, Molly and I traveled to give talks about menstruation and pass out kits that help girls stay in school while they are menstruating. “I am here to talk with you all about something that is uncomfortable and awkward, but it is part of what unites all women and makes us courageous and beautiful: menstruation.” This is how I have started the talks I have given to young girls and women at Malola and Kalendyola. The feeling of these talks is all too familiar. The girls slowly hunched over, sank in their seats, and darted their eyes down once they knew what this talk was going to be about. I remember starting middle school and sinking and hiding in my desk while my teacher talked to us about periods. I remember trying to make myself look as small as possible and avoiding any eye contact because eye contact would mean I’d have to say something about this weird thing called a period. I was scared and uncomfortable, just like most of the girls we have talked to.
Mama Love translating part of our menstruation talk at Malola. The pinks bags contain the menstruation kits.
I sat in a classroom in Malola and outside of a hut in Kalendyola, both filled with young girls. Throughout the talks I reassured these girls and women that their period is not something to be ashamed of and that it is important not to let it stop us from going to and continuing school. It is hard knowing that something that makes us women is what keeps so many girls here and in other places from getting the best education they can and being who they are entirely. Normally during our Health classes, I am self-conscious about what I am saying. I question everything that comes out of my mouth. I look at the incredible teaching ability of the other members of my team and believe I cannot live up to them. I am so scared of failing my students. But during these particular talks I am completely calm; my palms aren’t sweaty, which is a huge feat for me, my voice is steady and my head is clear. I feel connected to these girls because I can remember feeling extremely uncomfortable and scared at their age. It is in these moments that I don’t feel like an American teaching Zambians; I feel like a woman talking and experiencing the awkwardness of becoming a woman with young girls. I can see myself in their shoes.
These two menstruation talks are the only times I have had nothing on my mind besides being with these girls and being a woman. Nothing else mattered in these moments, and I found myself never worrying about what I was saying. I wasn’t second guessing myself because I felt like there was no power dynamic, like there was no teacher/student or American/Zambian relationships. It was just a woman talking to young girls. A woman who had been in their shoes and knew how they were feeling; a woman talking with young girls about something that all women struggle with, something that connects us all and makes us beautiful. All I cared about was making sure these girls knew they had nothing to be ashamed about and that it was okay to be scared. We were all embracing womanhood together. This was clear when, after both talks, the girls sang and danced. I was moved to tears as I witnessed these girls, who minutes ago were sinking in their chairs, confidently singing, dancing and smiling together.
Sitting and talking with the women and girls of Kalendola. Mama Josephine translated for me.
Recognizing the calmness I felt in these two talks made me realize that the growth I have experienced here has actually occurred within my comfort zone, in a group of women talking about what connects us all. In this comfort zone, I was able to recognize my strengths and be more comfortable and confident in who I am. This growth in comfort, ability and confidence is exactly what I am trying to attain.
As I am preparing to walk through my last week here in Zambezi, I am coming up with active steps I can take to fully embrace myself and also the Zambezi community. First, I need to work on accepting exactly who I am before I can fully embrace and be a part of the community here. I need to accept my self-discoveries and use them in a way that furthers rather than hinders my experiences. Although I am not sure if I will ever be seen as anything but a “chindele” to many in this community, I can work on showing my true self to the people here with whom I have relationships in order to form bonds that are beyond teacher and student. In order for true accompaniment to occur during this final week, I need to work on being present and being confident in the human being I am, confident in the fact that the people of this community would like me and enjoy talking to me even if I wasn’t here to teach classes. It is important for me to stretch myself in ways that do not lead to a loss of who I am. I need to stop thinking of myself as an American and this community as Zambians; I need to think of everyone here, the Gonzaga and Zambezi communities as well as myself, as humans who crave relationships and love.
Kisu Mwane,
Moira Andrews
Class of 2018
Moira, you are beautiful (inside & out) and I am so proud of you. The journey you’re on is tough, but so rewarding. I’m really happy to see that you’re reflecting and looking within yourself during this time. Keep loving yourself and giving love to others.
Miss you dearly,
Grace
Beyond proud of you Moira! Your introverted nature is part of what makes you so likeable and friendly. I’ll keep praying for you guys in Zambia. I know you all will be doing amazing things.
Moira, you expressed yourself and your thoughts so well in this post. You are empowering these women to embrace themselves and it’s beautiful that in turn you have become more comfortable with yourself and who you are. I’ve always admired you and your ability to just listen in our conversations. I’m glad we were able to talk a few times before your trip, but I’m so eager to hear more about this experience and your own passions (over bagels of course). Enjoy your last week in the convent!
Kisu mwane – Venezia
Such a wonderful post; it’s always great to hear what’s on your heart! So many of the things you said resonate with many people, I believe. Good luck, Moira!
Moira!
I was so happy to see your blog post. I remember you and Molly working on the brochures for your classes during the last few weeks of school. You put so much thought into every little detail, and I can only imagine how intentional you have been in teaching your classes. I’m so glad you were able to find peace in the place that you have called home for the last few weeks. I’m so thankful that I had the opportunity to get to know you better on Mission: Possible this year. Can’t wait to hear about your time in Zambia!
Katie P: I wanted to let you know that Mr. Grandy has already returned to the halls of DSHA and taught the last few weeks of classes (though there was a lot less running through the halls and up and down the stairs). Ginny says hi! Can’t wait to see you when you get back to Spokane!
Lots of hugs to Sophie, Katie B, Katie P, Moira, and Elly. I can’t wait to hear about your experience in Zambia. You (and the whole group) have all been in my prayers.
Love and Prayers,
Abby Beck
I love that sunset photo, Ty! Miss you and looking forward to seeing the rest of them! It’s become my routine to immediately check the blog once I get home at night. Every post has been so well written and insightful, and although I don’t know anyone else in this group I am inspired by all of you! Thank you for sharing. Zambia is very lucky to have you guys!
Still can’t quite believe you are on the other side of the world, peanut! We’ve loved reading your and all your fellow students posts. So great to hear you are having such an amazing, transformative learning experience. Sounds like you are truly spreading your wings and soaking in Zambezi! Enjoy the rest of your adventure, can’t wait to hear all about it when you return!
Love, Mom
Moira–wow I’m so proud of you! Right when I saw the title of the blog post I knew it was going to be good! I tried commenting on Justin’s post a few days ago but my computer was acting up….buuuuut I’m so glad you both are learning and believing that it is okay to be fully yourself (even if you process more internally or view yourself as more introverted). I second guessed myself when I’d go sit outside to journal when others were all talking inside, but it seems like both of you have a deeper understanding and confidence in who you are, how you process, and how you interact with the world around you. I love hearing about how you are growing to be a more grace-filled, confident, and compassionate woman to others but even more than that to yourself! I watched a ted talk earlier this week about a woman in India who is facing the same challenges you are facing on the health team while talking about periods to young women who don’t have the resources to go to school while on their periods. I love that both of you talked about how this is something that is beautiful, life-giving, and connects every woman together….that is something that should be celebrated and shared rather than shamed and stigmatized. Thank you, thank you for this post! I know it even takes courage to write this and read it at the table over breakfast, so thank you for your brave and beautiful heart, sweet Moira.
Thinking about so many of you right now and sending lots of love to all. Hi, Jeff! I miss you! I think your name should be added to the chore chart, so we can hear a blog post from you! Sophie, I missed your day on the blog, but I read it late and loved it! Love you and am so proud of the incredible human you are. Katie Kenkel, when is it your turn to blog?! I can’t wait to hear from you! I’m sure those cute kids are loving you. Elly, I sent a group text to our CLC and threw in a Zambia shoutout knowing you wouldn’t get it until a few weeks later. Love you, lady! Reno boys (aka Zac and Mercer), Tahoe is beautiful and the water is higher this year! Enjoy the stunning Zambezi but know you’re coming home to a pretty beautiful place too. Katie P, thinking about you and the class with Mama…can’t wait to hear stories. Give big hugs to Mama Katendi, Mama Josephine, and Mama Rachael for me. Also if Melody and Memory are taking the class again this year, please tell them hi for me.
Love always,
Lindsey
Moira,
I loved reading your post and hearing about your adventures in your Zambezi community. I so admire the way in which you are always able to connect with the person across from you at the most human level. Know I’m praying for you and sending you lots of love!
Hello Moira and fellow Zags!!
You guys are doing amazing things and I just wanted to share some love! I don’t have stellar wifi/service but when I can I try and read this blog and I love it!!
Moira, you are such a sweetheart and I truly love that Mission: Possible made our paths cross. Keep being awesome and I love you so much!!
I wish you all the best in your last week!!
Abby A
Love hearing about your experience, Moira. I cannot wait to grab coffee (or a chai for you) and hear more about it. You inspire me on campus. You inspire me halfway across the world. Your early birthday wish was the sweetest and I think shows just how lucky I am to have a friend as intentional as you! Soak up as much as you can of those sunsets, markets, and bumpy roads. Us 814 Indiana boys love and miss you!
Big hello and hugs also to Handy, Davis, Molly, Sam, Matt, Zac, Justin, Dodd and really just all you stellar Zags!
Moira,
Thanks for always being so raw and authentically beautiful. It has been such a joy experiencing your light this past year and I can feel it radiating throughout your experience in Zambezi. It’s not easy being vulnerable and showing your true self, but know that you are enough. You have a special gift of listening to others and being so intentional with all your actions. You have so much wisdom and love to give. There is something so beautiful about having experienced what these young girls are currently going through and being able to be a positive, encouraging role model to them. You can better meet them where they are at and that’s just so wonderful. Moira, I am so proud of you! Continue to embrace life and these crazy adventures of life that await you. TBIYTC
With love always,
Maddie Schmitz
Moira!!
You are incredible. It was so exciting to see your post today. I couldn’t be more proud to be your friend, and witness through this post how much you have grown over the past couple of weeks. You have a heart of gold, and your ability to be present is incredible. It is what I most admire about you. Don’t move away from that because you will be able to touch lives in greater ways than you can imagine. You have done so for me through this ability of yours. Continue growing. Continue learning. I can’t wait to hear from you soon! Love and miss you lots!
Molly– While reading your post, I couldn’t contain my laughter when you say: “What does this mean?” Which I then know would be followed by, “Are you serious?!” On a more serious note, it is so exciting to see what you and the rest of the heath team has been able to do. You are a rock star, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I miss you and your laughter. I can’t wait to see you soon.
Keep being awesome, my fellow Zags! This blog has most definitely been a highlight of my summer thus far. I cannot wait to read about your adventures to come. Love and miss you all!!
Jack
Moira-my goodness lady, this brought me to tears. You fill a place in this world that only you can and I am ecstatic to read that you are coming to see and appreciate and love those pieces of yourself that work together to create the beautiful Moira that those around you love so so much. You are an example of living into a life of showing grace, peace, and empathy to all those you come across and I know your ability to show those things will only grow as you continue this new journey of showing that same grace, peace, and empathy to yourself. I am so proud of you my friend. I love you tons.
Molly-I read your blog so many times yesterday and just could never find the words to comment. The ways we all over-extend ourselves is something we talked about in Church last weekend and something i’ve been reflecting on a lot recently-there was such a connection to reading your words and a togetherness as we struggle with slowing down, half a world away from each other. Thankful, every day, for the ways you always make me feel connected and loved. I screenshoted this line from your blog because it just hit me straight in the gut, “my time in Zambia has helped me to realize the importance of stopping, looking up, and observing the way God made the world and how it has so many raw and important lessons to teach me.” Molly, I love you girl. so so SO much.
Missing you all a lot and wishing you full hearts and open eyes in this coming week!
Tay
Moira, this is so awesome. I am so excited for you, this was beautiful to read. Thanks for sharing this!!
Moira- Such a beautiful post!! As a Labor and Delivery nurse I can so relate to the emotions you felt! The bond we have as women is strong and powerful!!
Ebby- Apparently I cannot post from my phone!! I miss you so much!! I can’t wait for you to be home with us. Things are well here. We are anxious to have the family together! Please know that I love you and pray for you and the group constantly. I know you are having an amazing trip. Love you sooo much!!
Mom
Moira! ( You know how I am pronouncing it 🙂 )
Beyond excited that the post was from you, I have been waiting! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable when sharing your heart with all of us, one of your many qualities that I have gotten to experience this year. Your story of being able to reach solidarity with these girls that you are teaching is inspiring as I think that it is not always an easy task. Being able to reflect on this experience and seeing your strength and growth through it just proves how you have a heart full of love that you want to give to others and a gift for being able to connect with people from a similar place, making you one of my friends that I would like to learn more from. I know that this post was one of your concerns going into the trip so congratulations on conquering that fear. Can’t wait to hear all about your time in Zambia when I see you in the fall.
Love you lots,
Caroline May
PS. Seeing as it was the last thing I left with you before you left on this trip, everything ended up working out with anatomy. Thanks for catching me when I was hardcore crashing and burning.
PSS. Katie – I paid the first rent, yay such adulting! Hopefully it has no trouble getting to Spokane from Tahoe!
Moira,
Thank you for the beautiful post. Meant more than you could ever imagine, coming from a fellow introvert. You will do amazing things in this life. Can’t wait for your little cousin to learn from you.
Love, John
Moira, you are such an incredible listener, friend, and fellow global citizen. Thank you for giving us such a meaningful reflection of the beauty and grace you have felt empowering these young Zambian women. Your lessons and the hygiene kits you are giving out are giving all of these girls a chance to be more active and empowered within their schools and greater community. You are an incredible young lady, Moira. Keep shining. Can’t wait to hear more about your experience when you return.
Molly, you are one of the craziest, most spontaneous, fun-loving, gut-busting people I have ever met, and I thank you for being all of those things, as I am sure that my life is much richer with you in it. But I also thank you for reminding me of the importance of slowing down to soak in the incredible blessings that surround us. It is so easy to forget to do this among the craziness of our lives, even if that craziness is so much fun. I wish I could see how your laughter, energy, and kind heart is impacting the Zambezi community. Sending much love to you all.
Peter
My dear friend Moira,
You have succeeded to inspire me, yet again. Your words are so powerful. SO incredible. Thank you so much for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and uncomfortable in order to find yourself. This is something that I am learning to do as well. Never stop believing in yourself, my beautiful friend. You were wonderfully made by a God that has placed you here in this moment for a reason. You are in my prayers.
TBIYTC
Love always,
Amanda Ulkekul
P.S. Davis, Molly, Sam, Justin, Hayley, both Katies, Mercer, Elly, Sophie, and Emily: know you are also in my prayers. Sending you all much love. (Emily: I found the street in Florence that you described as the “dog poop alley”. Made me laugh and think of you.)
Moira!
Wow yet again you have inspired me so much with your wise words about finding yourself. I think we are a lot alike in how we try to be extroverts in order to grow and “be outside of our comfort zones”, so your words were very impactful for me . It is so beautiful that you found your strength and growth in such a raw piece of what it means to be a woman. I was tearing up reading this because I feel how passionate you are for these women and girls! You have such a profound impact because you weave your actions very intentionally into the small moments with people. You are such a wonderful human being and you are going to go far in nursing as well as in every other area in your life all because you know yourself so well. I miss you so much!
Love and prayers,
Molly
Blessings to you too Moira!
You are such a sweet and loving person. You are a peace-keeper, an understanding friend, and someone that people can trust and rely on. What a wonderful experience and so great that you were the spokeswoman for such an important topic for young women. Believe it or not (probably hard to believe) but I was very introverted myself. In Junior High School I had very little confidence in myself and very self-conscience. I would not speak to anyone and would keep my head down and not even make eye contact when walking in the school hallways. I could belt out a song when in a choir but you could hardly hear me when I had to sing solo. I too had to get out of my comfort zone in order to really see the person I was inside and to overcome my self doubt. Connecting with others and sharing experiences creates a bond that helps define you and give you inner strength. You have a beautiful soul and an inner glow and I am so happy for you that you are getting a chance to create such wonderful memories and experiences. Enjoy every minute and can’t wait to hear more when you come to see us soon!
With all my love,
Aunt Margrett
Moira,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and expressing your thoughts and feelings so well in your post. Your personal struggles with our US cultural expectations of introverts and extroverts is shared with so many people. You did a wonderful job in expressing it and learning more about yourself.
To all the blog posters,
Every day, we wait with anticipation for a new post. Your amazing stories and your willingness to share your most personal thoughts and feelings have been greatly appreciated. Each post has been riveting to read, enlightening, and given a clear sense of what you are doing and experiencing. It is wonderful to hear about your adventures and reflections. I expect your days are long and tiring and we so appreciate you all taking the time to share your experiences. Thank you so much.
Special call-out to Tyler,
We were so excited to see your photo of the sunset on the side of the road. I could imagine you guys driving somewhere and someone yelling out “stop, look at the sunset” and then you getting your camera out and finding just the right shot to capture the moment and location. Thanks for sharing that as it gave me a vision of your experience through your eyes. We so miss you and can’t wait to hear all your stories, learn about the relationships you built, find out how your engineering projects have gone, and seeing the billions of pics you must be taking. Enjoy your last week in Zambezi. Go Zags!
Kurt and Sue Hamke (Tyler’s parents, just in case you couldn’t figure it out 😉
Moira,
Wow, this was such a brave and honest post. Your words resonated so deeply with me as that was something I really struggled with in Zambia as well. I would constantly worry that I wasn’t getting as much out of the trip or making as much an impact as my fellow Zags. Zambia is a tough place to be for an introvert!! But the fact that you are making those realizations and coming to terms with where you’ll grow most is truly remarkable. You seem like such a strong woman, and just from reading your post I already know that this experience is going to leave a forever mark on your heart, and that you are leaving a mark in the lives of the people you meet there. I pray you remain confident in that, even when it doesn’t seem clear. Thank you for being someone who can relate to others in the awkward and the uncomfortable. Thank you so much for opening up. Your presence is important and you are exactly where you are meant to be.
All my love to you!
Katie
This warms my heart, Moira.
As a fellow introvert, I identify 110% with feeling pressured to step outside my comfort zone in order to better myself.
So happy you are able to experience such an incredible journey!
Love you lots,
Karina
Moira! Your willingness to try going out of your comfort is so courageous, and though it didn’t turn out to be the challenge you were expecting, I think it’s awesome it turned into an inner growth and realization! You’re intentionality is something I’m sure these girls and fellow Gonzaga students can recognize and grow from. It sounds like you’re learning so much about yourself, others, and this community and I can’t wait to hear more about it!
Meg – so so proud of you and everything you’re able to experience. Keep impacting all those around you with your rawness and love for this crazy ride of a life.
Xoxo,
Abby
Moira,
I really enjoyed reading your post, you are an impressive writer- your writing made it seem like we are right there in Zambia with you. I can see you dancing with the children, and I can also see you delivering an extremely powerful message to these girls which is important for them to recognize the extreme beauty and potential in every single one of them. Like you, I compare myself to others quite often, and I appreciated what you were saying about understanding our own strengths. You have many strengths, including the ability to show genuine interest, care, and love towards everyone around you. Thank you for your incredible friendship, I’m looking forward to hearing more stories about your journey.
I am so proud of who you are, Moira. I love you words and I love you!