Daring to Be Unclear

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown

Ever since I read Dare to Lead last summer, I have lived my life based on this quote. Over the past several months I have applied it to all areas of my life, from communicating with customers at work, to roommates, to my older brother and parents. I thought I had it down: Say what you mean, even if it might be difficult for you to communicate or for the other person to hear (in  respectful ways, of course). Furthermore, act with purpose, mindfulness, and intentionality. However, my world has been slightly shaken over the past week as I have realized that I do not, in fact, have it all figured out.

Jeff has a patch on the fanny pack he carries around that says, “Humanize, Accompany, Complicate.” He explained to us early on that he tries to cultivate his experience in Zambia each year through these words. The one that sticks out to me most is complicate. The dynamics between ourselves and Zambians, and between our expectation and our actual experiences, throughout the first week of our trip were very complicated. I grappled with going to high tea at a five star resort owned by South Africans just a few miles down the road from our hostel, negotiating with vendors at the public and curio markets over money that to us seems nominal, and eating at restaurants that seem to serve everything but traditional Zambian cuisine. In my mind, these experiences were anything but clear, and I struggled to know if I was speaking, acting, and experiencing Zambia “correctly.”

Yesterday after our warm welcome in Zambezi, full of singing and dancing, Taylor, Alea, Becca, and I joined a pickup soccer game with a group of boys down the block from the convent, despite their obvious doubts about our soccer talent. We played until It was dark, stopping to admire the purple and yellow sunset. Highlights included Alea being chosen for a PK (and scoring!) and my left-footed goal in the upper right corner. We were elated when we left and many of the boys called after us, “let’s play again tomorrow!”

The soccer game made it known to me that Jeff’s complicate patch isn’t talking about how complicated it may feel to interact with a new culture. Rather, it is abut complicating our experiences in order to become mutually indebted with this community. Going to high tea, engaging at the curio markets, and eating at restaurants catering to tourists gave me firsthand experience with how this culture came to be what it is. Even though we couldn’t understand some of what our soccer teammates said and were very unclear on the boys’ local rules at times (talk about complicated), we established an understanding of our place on the pitch and developed strong teamwork by the end of the game. We were part of how they connect with one another.

That’s what I think Brené Brown missed: the how. Finding out how isn’t always clear, but it is always complicated. Being clear in every single thing I say and do doesn’t allow me to experience genuine connection, new perspectives, and real conversations – the how. Embracing complication, on the other hand, pushes me to explore the boundaries of what I know about myself and the world as I interact with others. As we look to begin our classes this week, my goal is to drive my work with complication and dare myself to be unclear.

Caroline Murphy
Class of 2027