Words have failed me so many times in my attempts to write about Zambia. I can never seem to find the right one, or use the right one to depict Zambia in a satisfying way, a way that is, as Father Dom would put it, “just okay.” In frustration I have sat here, now safely at the convent in Zambezi, trying to describe it. But how can I if I have found that adequate words do not exist?
If there was a word for the feeling of being in Lusaka, a word to describe what it was like to feel as though I had finally arrived while also still waiting, without knowing for what, I felt that. If there was a word to describe what it was like to experience the Chapata compound there; a word to describe sitting in the home of a dying man, on his sofa, looking at the solitary pan he used to make his nshima; if there was a word to describe grief mixed with yearning, guilt with compassion and with grace, I experienced that. If there was a word to describe what it was like to be at Victoria Falls; a word to describe what it felt like to become a child again, screaming and hugging people and posing for group photos with people I didn’t know; a word for what it was like to emerge from the water scoured clean as though every droplet had been a grain of silver sand, I encountered that. If there was a word to describe the act of listening with your heart, I did that. If there was as word to describe the vastness of soul I experienced as I peered out the window of our six-passenger plane and finally saw Zambezi’s glinting tin roofs and web-like sandy roads; if there was a word that meant “found-in-lostness”, I felt that. And if there were words for everything else, for all the hilarious jokes and ridiculous statements, for the probing conversations and unanswered questions, for the sunsets and the hands already clinging to mine, the voices already repeating my name as though it was sweet, I supposed I’ve experienced that too.
Only one word now comes to mind in relation to these things. It is the word that Father Dominic used to describe the “Road of Zambia” upon which our group now finds itself. It is the word Sister Lucy used when she described how we should keep our hearts during each and every day. I won’t forget what she said, because I fully expect that my heart will be broken while I am here, and in those moments I will most certainly need to recall the words she spoke in her curious German-Zambian accent: “Let your hearts be wide.” In moments of heart-break, as well as in moments of “ever joy,” I believe to say that my only hope is that I can keep my eyes on that Zambian road, and my heart, just as wide.
YOLO,
Megan
Mom and Dad – I love you both and I miss you guys tons! I know I won’t be home for a while, but you guys will have Erin back in just about a week! Have tons of fun, and remember, don’t smother 😉
Erin – I saw you today. We took that picture. No big deal. Much love and thank you for your hilarious note (the LOTR references were not wasted on me).
Megan and the rest of Group 2,
I am so happy to hear you have finally arrived in Zambezi! Thank you for sharing; each day I get excited to see who the next post will be from! Megan, your words gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes as I read and reflected on the memories from my time in Zambezi that you have brought rushing back to me. You each have probably already experienced the feeling of being at a loss for words and I know those moments will continue. I can only hope that you each choose to embrace those moments and when you find yourself at a loss for words, simply feel it in your heart.
Love and kisu mwane,
Kate Mulvaney-Kemp
Megs,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your first few days in Zambia. You are not usually at a loss for words 🙂 You know Mom and I miss you tons and wish we could be with you. Your post made me feel like I was with you, so thanks! I’m glad you and Erin could meet, even if it was only briefly. You have piqued my curiosity about how things went … the picture … hmmm. I know I will read and re-read this post many times to make me feel close to you. Have a great time and keep your heart open to “that wide road”, as I know you will.
All my love,
Papa
Meg,
It was a surprise to read a post from you so soon, I know it will be my only communication so I will comfort myself by re-reading it often. I am so happy you saw Erin 😉 I can’t believe that she will be home on Tuesday, it has gone by so fast. I’ll do my best not to smother her 😉 I love the image of keeping your heart open wide to all of your experiences. I will pray that you are able to do just that. I just can’t wait for you to be home at the end of the month and to hear all about your time in Zambia. Until then know that you are loved and missed. You are in my prayers always.
Love you,
mama
Thank you, Megan, for sharing your profound feelings. I know it must not be easy. There is so much to say. You have done a great job.
All of you will are amazing people to take on this service-adventure-leadership moment so young in life. Enjoy all these moments no matter how difficult or heart wrenching. They will make you stronger and wiser, and ultimately prepare you for a long, lovely, generous life.
Lots of love to all of you.
Barb (Anne’s mom) 🙂
PS Anne, thinking of you constantly. I wish you well on your personal journey.
Megan, you may not find the exact words, but from your post, you are beautifully describing your experience so far. We can not truly imagine how incredible these moments are for all of you. As we read your posts from Zambezi, we will continue to be inspired by each one of you who are giving so much of yourselves to others, hoping to make a difference in Zambia, knowing that your efforts will change you just as much.
All the best to all of you as you start your work in Zambezi.
Anne Dickman (Alex’s mom)
P.S. Alex – we were thinking about you all the time, wondering what you are doing, thinking and making of all this. We can’t wait to hear all the details. Just know that we are so incredibly proud of you! I love you so much, Mom
P.P.S. Alex – Dad said to tell you that the Celtics and Thunder are both up 3-2. He will keep you posted.
Megan,
I’m betting that your heart will remain wide open, and that you’ll use both your head and that wonderful heart to guide your actions and thoughts as you settle into the space that you’ve been welcomed into. Be yourself (judging from the comments you’ve recieved, everyone loves you just the way you are) and soak up everything you can. You’ll be amazied at how clear these memories will remain, for teh rest fo your life.
So…how do you say “good night, you guys” in Zambian?
Ann (Paige’s mom).
PS – Paigey – Grandma & Grandpa send hugs and kisses.
Hey group 2 & bug, greetings from Columbialand. we are so proud of the glorious work you all are doing and we are thinking about you every day. We should go to waffle house when you get back. Does Zambia have waffles. What do you eat for breakfast. You know we love you, como gurlz.
Megan and Group 2,
Glad to hear that you arrived in Zambezi. Megan, we really enjoyed your post – all of you, keep your hearts wide open and embrace your time there and experiences. Group 1, thanks so much for your posts while you were in Zambezi, we looked so forward to reading them each morning and were amazed by the experiences you had while in Zambezi – enjoy the rest of your time in Zambia!
Rick Orth (Jay’s dad)
Jay, as I write this Goldie is hanging out right beside me – Love You, Pops.
Megan and Group 2
Robert Frost wrote a poem entitled, “The Road Not Taken,” and it came to mind as I read your post. The last line goes something like, “I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference.” It sounds like you are, as a group, already on that road less traveled and I sense that it will make ALL the difference! Glad you are there safely, and after Megan’s intro, we can all hardly wait to read each new post. Thanks Megan, for the inspiration, Hi Stef!
Our love and prayers are with you all!
Stevetten
Such a beautiful post, Erin! Aren’t the most amazing feelings the ones we don’t have words for?! So glad group 2 is off to a wonderful start!
Hmmmm… maybe I should proofread my own comments, MEGAN!! I’m sorry and I promise I knew it was you 🙂
Hey Megan,
It’s so great to hear that you and the rest of Group 2 made it and have gotten settled in safely. This is a fantastic post Megan! It’s a great way to begin the Group 2 blog postings. It is strange seeing you at a loss for words but that just reveals the gravity of what you all are experiencing. Remember, as you believe Zambia and its people are a blessing to you all, you are a blessing of God to those around you as well. As you mentioned in your post, keep your heart wide open as you continue down the road of what Zambia has in store for you and the rest of Group 2; explore, learn, love.
I look forward to hearing from you when you get back!
-Brennan Champagne
Oh Megan, yes, you expressed it so well. Those moments when no words can describe what you are feeling. You do know, don’t you, that you were able to describe the moments that you had no words to fit, with other words to express what you were feeling so deeply. Little did I know that, when I read your posting last night around 10:00, I would soon find myself in one of those moments. One of those moments that is so deeply emotional, that you can’t even speak. No words can even be uttered. After I had read your posting, I decided for some reason to check the weather in Zambezi. May sound strange, but that is a simple little thing I’ve done several times, just to feel connected to you all. I imagine what you’re doing in the morning, mid afternoon or evening and if it’s warm, a little cloudy , starting to cool off as evening draws near. I google the weather forecast and for some reason a weather site comes up tht also includes the local news. My eyes are immediately drawn to the headline: Spokane Missionary Couple Die in Crash in Zambia. I quckly read the brief article and I’m in disbelief and shock as I read the names of the missionaries Jay and Katrina Erickson. I know their names. My heart sinks. How could this happen? Why? An expereince pilot on a seemingly simple flight compared to all the really dangerous flights he has to make as a missionary bush pilot. They are so young. Not even thirty. Two precious little ones left behind. How can one make any sense oout of this? No words…no words to describe my feelings. I need to be left alone. I need to be quiet. I need to be by myself to try to process all of this. Then I go to prayer. There is nothing left to do. I pour my heart out to God.
About two weeks before Stef left for Zambia, I was talking to a friend of mine, at work. I shared the excitement of Stef’s upcoming journey. As the conversation was coming to a close, my friend shared with me that a relative of hers and his wife were in Zambia as missionaries. They had only been there a few months but planned to make their home in Zambia. He was a missionary bush pilot and flew in many areas of Zambia. My friend made me promise to share this with Stefanie and maybe, just maybe her relative would be the pilot that flew Stefnaie or other members of Group 2 into Zambezi. So, Stefanie and I committed to memory the names of Jay and Katrina Erickson. Thus, our connection began with Jay and Katrina.Stef, when you arrived in Zambezi on Wednesday, you must have been shocked, too. Not sure if you heard anything before you arrived, since this all happened on June 2nd. I wish we were together to give eachother a big hug…..I love you. I’m sending hugs across the internet!
I suppose it was about an hour after I read the news release that I decided to check to see if there were any new postings from the Armstrong’s on their “little zags in zambia” site. A blessing appears on the horizon…There is a new posting and it is totally devoted to the memory of Jay and Katrina Erickson. Josh and Shawna share their connection with the Ericksons, how their families swam and played together just a week or two earlier. They also share the disbelief that a plane has gone down in the Zambezi River, close to Zambezi. They share their fear that it could be Jay and Katrina. Their fears are confirmed. They share the beatiful tribute to Jay and Katrina as thousands come to their service on Tuesday. The President declares a National Day of Morning in memory of Jay and Katrina. Thank you for sharing the photos, too. They are blessings as we can see photos of the thousands attending and the service. I am not feeling so alone, as I realize Josh and Shawna knew Jay and Katrina. It helps in the processing and healing.
Today I am at work. I know I need to see my friend. Will she even want see me? Is it too painful for her to even address? I decide to copy Josh and Shawna’s posting to give to her, if it seems the right thing to do. We meet, we hug, we cry, we talk and I do give the posting, in an envelope with a note, to my friend. She is not able to read it at that moment, but so appreciates that she has it in her hands to be read when she is ready. I know not only the words but the pictures wil be treasured by her. She has, as yet, not seen any pictures of the service . Both the written word and the photographs will be treasures for not only my friend, but other relatives. Thank you, Josh and Shawna for sharing your loving thoughts which are now in the hands of realtives of Jay and Katrina.
My message to all of you that have posted your thoughts and those of you that will… You just never know who will be reading or will be touched at a particular moment by your thoughts. Keep writing from your hearts. And the ripple effect goes on..
Love to you all…
Love to you, Stef. We miss you ever so much. It will be wonderful to have you home. Don’t you worry, we are all fine. And, you, missy, have a lot more to experience with your new friends in Zambezi and your awesome friends in Group 2!
My dear friend Megan,
I can imagine that being one of the first blog posters from your group is a difficult thing to be. How can you sum up your experience of only a few short days in some way that will convey all the overwhelming emotions? Well, shoot. They picked the right person. I have re-read it many times, and I can just picture you over there on the other side of the world. It is fitting, that you write about a heart that is wide, as I don’t know of anyone who has quite as wide a heart as you (we’ll let Erin have a deep heart, that way, no one’s feelings get hurt!) 🙂 Sometimes I pick up my phone, ready to call you, and I have to remind myself that you’re decidedly out of the country when it comes to phone conversations! Know that you are in my thoughts all the time and my prayers every day. Erin got part of Farther Along, so I thought it only fitting that I include a different part of it for you:
“There’s so much more to life than we’ve been told
It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son”
It reminds me of you, and of car rides to froyo, and of wonderful life chats, and of a beautiful friendship. I pray that this experience is full of beauty slowly unfolding for you, and for all your companions on this journey!
Love you and miss you!
Hey Bud,
I know you posted this long ago, but I still feel like I would be a total lame-o if I did not congratulate you on writing a better blog post than mine (why must you always do this to me?). It sounds like you did the exact same thing I did. Write a bit… erase it… write something else… quickly erase it because that attempt was just embarrassing… But true to form, you finally hit on something so Megan-like and so incredibly true. Well done. I hope you continue to be at a loss for words.
Found your Hunger Games note. Despite your advice, Katniss’ narration is bugging the crap out of me. In other news: oh wait, that’s right… I have no other news when you’re not around. Miss you seester.
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