Victory is ours!
Life is messy.
In Zambia I have experienced this first-hand both literally and figuratively. I am reminded of life’s messiness each night when I try in vain to “Wet Wipe” my feet clean before getting into bed. (It never works.) For the next several months, my heels will be permanently stained with the very same dirt of Zambezi with which the feet of the people here are stained. I can’t help but reflect on the implications this has for what it means to stand in solidarity with the people of Zambia. As the dirt will not soon be washed off my feet, nor will the impact of the people in this place ever leave my heart.
Life is messy.
Last week I had the ultimate organic experience of following my meal through the entire process of life to the table. I selected a chicken from a coop at the market, carried it home in my hands, held it down kicking and flapping while I cut off its head, soaked it in warm water and plucked it, cut it into pieces, and cooked it, finally getting to taste the fruit of my labor. I was next to kill a chicken after the one before mine got up off the chopping block and ran around spurting blood all over the convent courtyard, covering those in its path as it half-ran, half-flew around the yard for several minutes after the head was off. After this graphic messy scene, I couldn’t help but think of the greater meaning this admittedly disturbing experience held for me. In a way, it was putting a (literal) end to always “running around like a chicken with my head cut off,” a phrase I am all-too-familiar with now, thanks to this experience. The funny part is that while this experience was so shocking and repulsive to me, it is a very normal part of food preparation for Zambians, yet something that we as Americans take for granted.
In the same way that I will never look at a package of chicken on the shelf at Safeway the same (now with much greater appreciation and awareness), I will never be able to live the same way that I did before coming to Zambia. Like the sign on a stray boat grounded in Chinyngi with the words “SLOW DOWN,” here I have been able to recognize that I had been guilty of leading a life of “running around like a chicken with my head cut off.” I had been living with such futuristic thinking that I had forgotten how to live in the present. Being at Victoria Falls free to shriek with joy and delight as I played in the spray of the most amazing waterfall on earth reminded me of the beauty of a life lived in the present. In Africa there are only two concepts of time: past (Zamani) and present (Sasa). There is no real concept of “future.” Here, I have struggled to adjust to “Zambian time” where everything runs at a pace when things happen whenever people feel like they are ready for them to happen. I have caught myself many times glancing at my watch in vain, waiting for things to happen instead of letting them happen. How many moments of opportunity have I missed in life by allowing myself to get sucked into a concept that does not even exist here in Africa? As Megan warned our group, “searching for the point [can make one] miss the point of the whole thing.” This is a lesson I hold near and dear to my heart that I will carry home with me from this experience.
The Health Education Group with the Girl's Brigade, a national organization of empowerment for young Zambian girls and women.
How do you look into the hopeful face of a Home Based Care worker who asks you on behalf of their patient if the anti-retroviral medications they have been taking has really cured their HIV and have to sadly say “no”?
How do you swallow the lump in your throat watching a doctor explain to a diabetic patient that his necrotic foot needs to be amputated tomorrow?
How do you take the news that the HIV-positive Zambian man your friends spent all morning searching for before carrying him on their shoulders into his hospital bed didn’t survive the weekend?
How do you justify warmly shaking the hands of so many eager people wanting to meet you and then immediately find yourself sanitizing your hands afterward?
How do you enjoy such a superfluous meal in the one of the poorest villages of Zambia while hungry children with pot-bellies the size of bowling balls wait for you outside? A place where, as Josh so eloquently put it, “we feel guilty for the hospitality [the people of Dipalada] show us, and yet they would not have it any other way.” How do you “allow yourself to be served where you serve,” in a place like that, as the article “Staying for Tea” by Aaron Ausland discusses?
How do you become a person not only FOR people but WITH people? Because as Fr. Greg Boyle reminds us in “The Voice of Those Who Sing,” “there’s no ‘us’ and ‘them’—just ‘us.’” How do we walk hand-in-hand at eye-level in mutual solidarity with others?
And how can I possibly return to a life of –excuse my frankness—such truly grotesque surplus in America where we have numerous kinds of dental floss to choose from when people here have never heard of floss, let alone used it? A place where you can actually buy “in bulk,” and “supersize” your “fourth” meal? The thought of what we are completely comfortable with and have even grown to expect in America now makes me cringe. Going back to all that “stuff” feels like a heavy load to bear.
There are no easy answers to life’s messy questions.
I can’t help but continue to reflect on the concept of having never been so happy with so little. I continue to be baffled by the amount of things I have taken for granted my whole life that would be considered luxuries here (electricity, CLEAN running water, a car, a computer, my bed, a roof that doesn’t leak, toilet paper, 3 meals a day, take your pick).
I’ve also never felt so welcome in a place so far from home. I’ve never felt so much unconditional love and acceptance from such total strangers. I’ve never felt such freedom to be me, or better yet, to just be.
A giraffe gracing the sunset in Botswana on safari
Life is messy, yes, but there is so much freedom to be found in the midst of it. It is a Gift (as so many here in Zambezi are named). And I have truly found this freedom here in Zambia, and am learning to fully embrace the messiness of it all.
Kisu mwane,
Melissa Houglum
Class of 2011
P.S. To my fam:
Mitch: Happy 22nd birthday! I hope it was a lot of fun. Wish I could have been there! Glad to hear you are enrolled in classes. Study hard and don’t forget to have fun too! I hope the Cards are doing well. You’ll have to update me when I get back. Miss you lots. I hope you are figuring things out and happy with your decisions. Love you!
Matt: Hope your job is going well and you are getting to see some interesting places. I hope you are able to make KC your home and that you are making friends and settling in. For some reason killing the chicken reminded me of when we were little and used to go fishing and you always made me bait your hook. LoL. ☺ Miss those days and you more! Love you!
Rebekah: I hope your new job is going well also. I’m sure you have so much fun helping brides find their perfect dress. We will definitely have to catch up when I get back! Love you!
Mom: Miss you so much! Thank you so much for posting! We read the blog posts every morning at breakfast and I love hearing about what you all are up to. I miss our daily conversations on the way to work. I don’t even know where to begin catching up. Hopefully this blog post will help. I am learning so much from the amazing people here and it has given me such an appreciative outlook on life. I think of you often and wonder what you are doing. I’m looking forward to a visit from you sometime when I get back. I hope the wedding planning is going well. Hi to Randy also!! Love you both!
Dad: Thank you for your posts. It’s great to hear from you. I hope your Father’s Day was nice. Wish I could have been there to celebrate it with you. Love you!
Mom, Dad, Chris, Dan, Rose, and other Houglums: We hope the wedding was nice and that you all were able to spend some quality time together. Wish we could have been there! Dave and I send our love and hope that all of you are well. Feel free to update us on what you all have been up to! We’d love to hear from you. Life here has been indescribable in the best way possible. Love and miss you! -Dave and Melissa
Everyone: Hello from Zambia! Love and miss you all!!!!
Melissa,
I have just finished reading your post, and I’m still chuckling about your chicken adventures, knowing Stef’s opportunity is coming up, remembering the moment I realized the chopping block out by the barn wasn’t just for kindling. I swear those old hens had taken a pledge to make me pay for what I did to them. But beyond the chicken tales…I’ve been listening to music by Brooke Fraser who, after a visit to Rwanda, wrote a song called Albertine about a girl she met. The chorus goes, “Now that I have seen – I am responsible – Faith without deeds is dead – Now that I have held you – in my own arms, I cannot let go.” Each of you knows that your perception/ understanding of life has been changed, but what you have seen, and held in your own arms, with your own hands, has given you a freedom that helps you bring your deeds into line with your faith. As you so succintly stated it, “The answers to life’s messy questions can be found in our kinship with one another.” Thanks, Melissa for the clarity of thought. We don’t have that “lens” of Zambezi, but you are all doing a great deal to open our eyes.
P.S. Happy hunting, Stef
Melissa I loved reading every word of your post. I tried to imagine you in the moment with the chickens. I wondered if you remembered all of Papa’s stories growing up having to prep his dinners with their chickens as well. He will really get a joy out of discussing it with you. I have to say I am not in the least bit surprised at the impact of what the life has taught you there. It will carry with you for a lifetime and I so look forward to hearing about every moment you embraced and bring home with you.
I can only imagine some of the emotions you feel as you described the face to face discussions with the health of the people and how incredibly sad it must be. I would guess it is a truly sobering and surreal experience and I can imagine you have held back the tears many times.
I am really looking forward to coming to see you. Have not booked a trip yet since I thought you will want to figure out a good time in your schedule. I will plan to be out as soon as what works for you. I have a really hard time not picking up the phone to call you. It is very empty without you here and 100 times harder with no communication at all. I feel very blessed for the blog entries to give a window of what you are experiencing and the impact it has on all of you. I will hold your words near and dear to my heart and look forward to seeing you late summer or early fall.
Mitch texted me yesterday to tell me how much he is enjoying his summer class. Chemistry and lab… Dad and I gave him a bike for his birthday so he was really excited about that and rides everywhere and is happy to be saving on gas and being stuck in traffic. Samantha has become a big part of his life and you will really like her. She reminds me of you in many ways. Hoping you and Dave will be able to make it to visit sometime later to meet her and spend time with all the family.
Matt and Rebekah are doing well and both are really liking their jobs and the move to KC.
St. Louis is warm and the Cards are not doing so well at the moment. Lots of injuries.
I really laughed reading the words about washing your feet with the wet wipes. It is funny the things we take for granted and the things we can live without and never miss. Harder to have a foot rub or it is a way of life and no one things twice about touching feet stained by the beauty of the earth?
I love you more than you will ever be able to know. Thank you for sharing your moments and experiences and hope you know how very important you are in my life. I will look forward to seeing you.
God’s Blessings as you continue your journey there and be safe.
Love you!!!
Mom
Dear Melissa:
So well put: life is messy. Now how to hang onto the setting of priorities and making a positive experience out of life is the job we all have. You all have a head start. Keep your hearts open and a smile on your face as you have done in Zambia, and you cannot go wrong.
As you can see, we all miss you guys very much. However, we have grown not only from your inspirational blogs, but from the isolation from you. We, too, are realizing our priorities of the importance of our relationships.
Lots of love to you all. Enjoy your day.
Barb (Anne’s mom)
PS Anne, today Joyce hopes to travel back to Nanaimo and stay there for the delivery. Emilia Anne is 32 weeks tomorow (6/20). While Joyce SITS and directs, we will be packing and moving their possessions to their new home. Katie is on her way home from Bass Lake with T and Papa. Your dad and I had a lovely hike outside Victoria yesterday. The area is beautiful and lush. I love you. Mom
Melissa,
I sat here with both tears in my eyes and laughter in my head as I read your moving story. One can hardly imagine what life is like for those in the village, but your words painted such a moving image. As we sit here in America listening to all of the news daily about the economy, jobs, home sales, gas prices, food prices, etc., we have no concept of what it is to really live without those luxuries. We take so much for granted in our lives.
Yet those whom you are now living with and educating on so many important things know nothing of the things we complain about in our society. We complain about stupid things, like if our 2nd or 3rd car needs new tires, or that the new shoes we got only go with one outfit. we get caught up in the hysteria of our lives, and forget that life doesn’t always need to be so complicated. Your descriptions of your new friends should remind us that American lives were once also very uncomplicated. Strokes and heart attacks were once less prevalent. Maybe we need to all learn from these people who live in simpler, less complicated places.
I think everyone should experience the life (and death) cycle of a chicken. In a way, it is symbolic of our lives. We start out as that most nearly perfect of things – an egg (the perfect food, although we know Matt wouldn’t agree…). We grow up with our basic needs provided for us, then we hunt and peck for the best morsels, hoping to beat out the others in the flock. And in the prime of our lives, we may lose our heads, and end up running around “like a chicken with our head cut off.” When I was young, my best friend down the road lived on a farm, and I frequently witnessed the beheading of chickens for meals. We complain if we forget to take a chicken out of the freezer to thaw, but most of us have no concept of the work that some people have to go through just to prepare a chicken for their family to eat, when there are no freezers to pull one out of.
You are having an amazing experience there. It is not something most people could do, yet it does not surprise me at all that you are doing it. You always wanted to be on “Survivor.” I think with this experience, you would win it easily! But the reality is, this experience is much more than what a semi-staged TV show is. These people are the ultimate “Survivors.” Boston Rob has nothing on them!
I could not be more proud of you and what you are doing. I wish I could have experienced Victoria Falls and the safari with you, but I’m not sure I could handle three weeks in the village. In Egypt, after a day of climbing through hot tunnels in the pyramid, or descnding into the hot, stale depths of the tombs of the pharaohs, we still had a hot shower and a cool swimming pool at a beautiful hotel to go back to. You don’t have those luxuries at the end of the day there. And you deal with it well. Not sure how well I would handle that…
Anyway, so wonderful to see your pictures (Grandma will love the giraffe picture!) and read your touching words. It is an amazing and life-changing journey, and I can’t wait to hear all about it! We pray for your safety and for the work that you are doing. I am so proud of you and Dave, and love you both very much!
Love,
Dad
Melissa, you asked such great (hard) questions and left us with so may things to think about in your post- thank you for that.
I love the picture of Brady, Megan and Melissa with their kill- Brady, I can’t tell if you look “comfortable” (like, “heck yeah, I killed this chicken!”) or “shocked” (like, “oh my goodness, did I just do that”) with the knife in your hand, but that picture is priceless 🙂
I miss you all!!
Melissa,
Thank you so much for your post and picture, although I think my daughter looks like she enjoyed killing the poor little chicken, which was a bit disturbing to me until I read your post. I take so much for granted. I prefer to avoid thinking about the messiness of life and especially with regards the neatly packaged meat that I buy at the grocery store. Thank you for encouraging all of us to appreciate the blessings we enjoy everyday. Now I know I can count on Meg to be the one to feed me in my old age when I retire to a chicken farm;)
Please be assured of my daily prayers for all of you.
(Meg, know that you are loved and missed! Mama)
Peace and blessings,
Traci Dempsey
Melissa-
What a great read! You have done so well in encapsulating the range of experiences and life lessons that Zambia has layed upon your hearts and minds- a summary of what we have read from so many of your confederates. You all are going through the spectrum of emotional highs and lows, and my heart aches and leaps with the re-telling. What a blessing for all of you to have this place in your world now, and for the people of Zambezi for the grace and love that you bring to their lives with your newly opened hearts.
As many of your family and friends have expressed, your few paragraphs a day have really effected me. Your stories are my eyes, and your experiences are my lessons, and yes, Brady, old dogs can learn new tricks! I find myself thinking of things a little differently when I think of you all and the Zambian friends you have described. I am blessed to be able to share your mission through your pictures and your blogs! Thank you all for generously and candidly sharing with us!
Brady, I know that you have been mentally preparing yourself for ‘the kill’ since before you even boarded the plane, but “methinks you doth celebrate too much!” Put down the weapon and step back slowly… I am thinking of you constantly, praying for you always, and I cannot wait to see you. First, I am cashing in on those bear hugs you have mentioned (they better clear a space in Terminal C), then I am setting aside the rest of the weekend for hearing every detail of every minute of your adventure! I hope you are taking LOTS of pictures and video!
Everyone be safe! I know that God is with you, and where God is- there is love!
Blessings to all!
Bill (Brady’s Dad)
Melissa,
I truly enjoyed your post. Life is messy; and you all are learning that in a very unique time and place in your lives. What I have taken from reading these posts each day is how lucky the people of Zambia are to have all of you and how lucky you all are to have them. It’s not at all messy. After having a good laugh at your chicken adventure I sat back and thought about two things: One, I probably won’t look at a package of chicken the same way again either and two, how is Erin going to handle the chicken experience. Thanks again for your post.
Erin,
You are with an amazing group of people; then again I’ve always thought you were pretty amazing, so it makes sense that you are there. All is good here; the ladies ask about you everyday, especially Isabel and Esperanza. Carmen cries at the posts and then tells Maddie how special you are; still crazy, but she’s ours. Maddie is in NYC with Taylor. Mom, Jack, Reg and I are counting the days until you are home telling stories about your adventure (I’m looking forward to your chicken story). I don’t know the Zags you are with over there; but I’ve gotten alot of insight to the type of people they are and are becoming through these reflections. Do me a favor, tell them I love them; and invite them all to the house for a BBQ.
Please know, we are thinking about you everyday. Who loves you more than me? Nobody!
Xoxo
Dad
We enjoyed reading your blog. It was very interesting. We both remember seeing headless chickens running around. Grandma’s uncle laughed at her because she was frightened by it — but, the chicken tasted good. Grandma just read a blog from the son of a dialysis nurse who is now in Ugunda, telling pretty much the same things as you — especially about HIV. The country wants to circumcise one thousand men to help prevent the spread of HIV. Grandpa had a wonderful 80th birthday party at Dave’s. Hope both of you are fine and will come back healthy. It is 95 degrees here and we have had almost no rain and the lawns are turning brown.
Love from Wisconsin!
Melissa,
Your stories truly touched my heart, from the humor in the chicken story to the heartbreak that the healthcare group has witnessed. Your analogy to the “chicken with its head cut off” really hit home with me. Thank you for more enlightenment from Zambia. I am learning from you all every day. And the pics are great!
Anne Dickman (Alex’s mom)
P.S. Dear Alex, WOW – I am sure missing you, yet I am so impressed with all that you are experiencing. Our thoughts are always with you!! I can’t believe that you have only one more week in Zambezi, then your big 21st, and then off to Europe. We will not hesitate to spend some money to visit with you over the phone, or skype, or something when you get to Paris. When you get home, your stories and pictures will hopefully fill in so much that we want to know about your journey. We are so amazed by you and all your group. Very very impressive. Sending all my love to you, Mom
P.P.S. Good news – Your team is now up 3-1.
Melissa, I loved your post. Life is messy but watching a chicken parade around after its head has been cut off is a messiness I will leave off my bucket list. It is so hearwarming to hear your stories–so much love and life shared in the photos and your words. Yes, you are having the experience of a lifetime–one which brings jealousy from many of us back home. But with all the life-changing “real life” issues you have seen and heartwarmingly conveyed, I am still a mother desperately missing her baby girl. While you all probably count the days of returning home with sadness, I am counting the days until your return home with great joy. Brady-bug–may rainbows and butterflies fill your last week in Zambezi. Let your light continue to shine. This photo is priceless–you are one wild child. I love you and miss you. God bless each of you. Safe travels home. Kerry, Brady’s Mom
Dear Melissa,
Great Blog post. Fantastic!
Dear Dave,
I’m glad that you found your way to Zambia. What a wonderful place to experience transformational leadership in the context of experiential education! It is interesting how life has a way of tie-ing human experiences together. Just last week I was marveling at how fast my first year as an RD at Regis has gone. I found myself looking forward to next year and all the improvements I am looking to make. I pulled out your list of lessons learned and read through it. Still just as insightful as the first time that I read it a year ago. Thanks again for sharing your wisdom an enjoy your time in Zambia, I know I sure did when I was there in 2009
Joe Matelich
p.s. what an excellent picture with the chickens. the looks of shock and awe and horror and victory all at the same time are priceless 🙂
Beautiful post Melissa but can’t believe that is you with the headless chicken! Your words brought back so many memories of my time in Zambezi. It is so true, life is messy and we do tend to go through life like a “chicken with it’s head cut off” which often leaves us, people with so much abundance and so much to distract us, with little joy. Zambezi offers us the opportunity to be fully present– to dance and sing and hold hands and also to witness the struggles and challenges and joys of the incredible Zambezi people. No doubt this experience will live in your heart forever and, even though there is no “making sense” of the disparities between our live and theirs, it has profoundly changed how I see the world and how I think about all the “things” I once thought I needed or just had to have.
Savor your final days in Zambia and safe travels to all. Would love to visit with you when you get back.
Melissa,
You have brought together in your posting, so many things that all of you have been feeling and learning during your time in Zambezi. (Including the hilarious description of the three of you fetching, and all that entails, chicken for dinner!). Yikes! Also, so many challenging aspects of what you are going to come face to face with as you return home. How will you deal with it all? Each one of you will have your own way of incorporating all of what you have experienced and learned from the beautiful, loving people of Zambezi into your lives back home. It will be challenging, but it can and will be done.
I have said this before, but you were all meant to have this life changing experience, exactly at this appointed time in your lives, with the teammates you are with, and the people of Zambezi with whom you have shared these three weeks. It is by Divine appointment. Not by coincidence or accident. God definitely has a plan for each of your lives that includes this experience in Zambezi. You will find your way, as you continue in your lives beyond this truly extraordinary experience in Zambezi, to weave all that has touched your hearts so deeply and purely through out the rest of your life. I know you do not want this experience to end. I know it will be so difficult to leave all of those you have grown to love in Zambezi. It will be even hard for you to leave each other. We can tell that you have grown very close; caring, sharing, helping each other, accepting each other for the unique person each of you are. It will be ever so hard to leave the uncluttered, simple, yet full life you have been living. Full of genuine love, genuine freedom to just be you, full of just being…being on the moment. Know that these are all precious gifts. Receive them, keep them, use them daily in whatever comes next in your lives. Just has God has given you these gifts, He has given the people of Zambezi the gift of your love, your teaching, your companionship, your presence side by side with them. Beautiful, isn’t it? ALL of you will treasure these experiences and memories for a life time and be forever connected.
How blessed all of us have been by both Group 1 and Group 2, as you have shared your thoughts and experiences with us. Most of us have opened our computers every single day, some times many times day, to see if there was a new posting. Every single one of us, have been challenged to take an honest look at our lives, as we have read each post. That’s by Divine design, too. What will we do about things we’d like to change? That
will be up to each of us. I have loved reading all the “comments”. I have gotten a glimpse into the loving families and friends of each of you. A blessing.
Melissa, thank you, again for your post. I loved your sentence …”Life is messy, yes, but there is so much freedom to be found in the midst of it. It is a Gift.”. Yes, indeed…
Kisu mwane,
Linda
P.S. Have you gotten your turn yet, Stef, to bring home the chicken? You haven’t eaten red meat from when you were 7…Me thinks you may never be able to each chicken again! Love you more…another little note in you lunch bag. Xoxo Mom
I am trying to imagine you carrying that wiggling white chicken from the village followed by the preparation of the meal for dinner from beginning to end! What a hoot!! And yet it’s just an everyday part of life in Zambezi. It’s good that you had all that track experience in college, although I don’t think that you applied too many of your nursing expertise here. (Haha)
On the other hand, your visits and care of those with serious illness has been ultimately challenging and has carried with it both uplifting and discouraging moments. Your message of their excitement, generosity and hopefulness comes through loud and clear. It must be hard to measure the unselfish sharing you have experienced. God bless you and Dave and the entire group! Safe travels soon as you carry with you some of the most precious memories of your life.
May the Lord be with you!
Tom
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