As I write this on our group’s last full day in Zambezi, thoughts surge through my mind like bees being smoked out of a Zambia Gold beehive. There is so much going on, the education and computer groups graduate their students, we start to say our goodbyes to the many children and other wonderful Zambians we have gotten to know, we make the final trip down the dusty dirt road to the market, and we clean and pack up in the convent where we have made our home for the last three weeks. I could write pages upon pages upon every sentiment being stirred up from this adventure’s ending, but, alas, I don’t have that kind of time. Perhaps the most pressing issue then is: how do we return back home and keep the experience of Zambia close to our hearts?
There is a part of going home that we all look forward to. We have all missed our friends and families. We all have some food, drink, place, or comfort that we have been craving here in Africa as well. Still, going home is a daunting prospect for all of us as we have made Zambia our home for a month of our lives. We struggle to answer what part of this life in Zambia we can take back to our very different life in America. There are many differences in these lives that we fear.
The first-world comforts that we once took for granted now seem somewhat intimidating in their excess. The last month we have made our peace with cold showers, frequent (and always inopportune) power outages, meals that could take four hours for Mama Kwatu and her kitchen assistant to prepare, sleeping under mosquito nets, pumping our own drinking water, and taking the time to walk miles down dirt roads to get to where we needed to go. All the while we recognized that even then we still had privileges that most Zambians did not have: we could bathe regularly, we actually had electricity, our meals were steady and varied, we had bug spray and nets to protect us from pests, we didn’t have to walk to the well and carry a bucket on our heads when we needed water, and we had shoes and sandals instead of just bare feet. We came to appreciate simpler living and the people who found happiness with so much less material privilege than us. We are nervous about coming face to face with all the more privilege we have at home as we were already faced with the reminder of our privilege here.
The focus of our trip was accompaniment. This means that we did not come expecting to be savior figures. Before our trip we read about the many ways that foreign aid went wrong and most stories revolved around giving the materials to solve a problem for a day, but the groups did not stay to work with the people to confront the deeper issues. We recognized that the most powerful thing we could do was to meet the people of Zambezi at eye level; to work with them to together dig deeper into the problems they faced and also discover more about the ones we faced. This philosophy helped us come to genuine understandings of the deep joys and ills that both the people of Zambezi and us experience, but it required that we did not give “hand-outs.” When people came by begging for money for food or school, we were strongly encouraged not to give it to them as we would be perpetuating the unhealthy idea of the Westerner as the savior (when of course true progress can only come when those within the society organize towards the change). This was immensely difficult for most of us, as it meant not giving up a few dollars that to them could be a year of school. We found ourselves feeling indebted because of our privilege, but without a direct way to pay it off.
A good metaphor for our situation is the conclusion of the movie, “Saving Private Ryan.” In this World War II epic, a small squad is sent to retrieve Private Ryan as his three other brothers were killed and the US army did not want his mother to lose all of her sons. In the process almost all of the squad is killed and the captain of the squad, Captain Miller tells Private Ryan “Earn this… Earn it.” as his last words. The movie ends with Private Ryan as an old family man asking assurance from his wife that he was a “good man” and thus worthy of the sacrifices that privileged him with a life to live. He had nothing he could physically do for Captain Miller and the others who died; “earning it” meant that he embraced his privilege and made his life a life worth saving by raising a family with love and intentionality. Similarly we have learned of the limited good that can be achieved by sacrificing our own physical privilege. That approach has failed to create lasting change for many decades. We might feel ashamed of our own blessings but for us to simply forfeit them is not what the world needs.
I think in life we have two responsibilities: to carry our own personal crosses to the best of our abilities and to indulge in and appreciate our blessings. I think in America there is a great focus on the first responsibility but the second one rarely crosses our minds. We are raised to endure the daily grind, to be self-supporting, and to overcome the complications that come our way. Yet as the wealthiest nation in the world, why is it that we do not hear more comments like “Wow, my coffee really hits the spot today,” or “I’m so happy to have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in,” instead of grumbles about a messed up order and mortgage rates? Why is it that as the standard of living continues to rise in first world countries, suicide rates also rise? It is disappointing when we fail to carry our crosses, but it is a dark irony when we fail to even enjoy the blessings we are given. How do we expect to improve other people’s lives when we ourselves have forgotten how to live?
Meanwhile, blessings in Zambia might be as small as having enough extra money to buy a coke, but they carry far in the terms of happiness. They know that each privilege they have is precious, so taking advantage of it is simply instinctual. There is so much to learn about what we have by what they lack. Early pregnancies, and social and financial pressures cause many Zambians to marry at early ages. In America where men and women have more equal rights and enough money to support themselves while they are single, do we take the precious time we have to search for a person we truly can love and care for or do we try to satisfy ourselves by the thrill of shallow romance? In Zambia, food is limited not only in quantity but also in variety. In America, where we have a cornucopia of food and drink to select from, do we expand our horizons by sharing new dishes with friends and family, or do we try to drown our problems with comfort food and cheap booze? In Zambia, democracy is a new construct and is still very flawed. In America, where democracy has grown for over two hundred years, do we involve ourselves in researching the issues that will decide our nations future or are we content to elect a national leader based on a well-broadcasted catchphrase? In Zambia, AIDS and HIV affects one in every six people, preventable diseases spread, and medical technology and care is underfunded. In America, where we have long average lifespans and have medicines for problems as small as headaches, do we take advantage of our strength to embark on adventures and in sports, or do we abuse our health as long as “it won’t kill us yet?” In Zambia, technology and material comforts are expensive and hard to come by. In America, where every Christmas we are bombarded with advertisements about new cars and iPhones, do we use these amenities to form greater connections and experiences with others, or do we use them to create a life devoid of interpersonal contact? The list could go on for many more pages…
All in all, the point is this: yes, Zambia, Africa, and the World could all benefit by us giving up some of the wealth we have. More than our wealth though, what Zambia, Africa, and the World really needs is our full and genuine selves. We can be ashamed of what we have and what we do by the contrast of what others do not have or do. We can mourn that the circumstances are unfair. But this will not change anything. Many times in Zambia, I have let my shame and my sadness separate me from the community of Zambezi and even my group members. Yet while perhaps I don’t “deserve” the incredible privilege I have, I am the one who has them and I am responsible to use them well. When I had cast my destructive shame off my shoulders and was genuine with others, I felt love and healing spread not only to myself but also to others. Whether it was praying the rosary up a tree on a whim and finding other Zambians joining me, or improvising a fried rice recipe without soy sauce and giving something small to those who missed their Chinese fix, or entertaining the tailor and shopkeepers by buying colorful shitanges to craft into ridiculous clothes, I felt I did some of the most good was done when I was silly and shameless, I felt I did some of the most good when I was just, me. God works in mysterious ways…
It is a strange burden to carry as the “privileged minority.” Yes we should be generous with all the excess we have. But above all, sometimes the most good we can do is to simply bring ourselves before the world; to carry our crosses and to appreciate our blessings as much as we can. Didn’t God show us we were an important part of the plan when it brought us into being? I have learned much from Zambia and have felt extremely alive so many times. I think the only part of this experience I can carry with me forever is the memories and the urge to try to try to continue living as fully as I can.
To end this labored post, as always, a simple quote from the ending of the greatest trilogy of all time, The Lord of the Rings, can summarize my sentiment. Frodo says to Sam as he leaves him to finish the last few pages of his book,
“My Dear Sam (Blog), you cannot always be torn in two (split between the guilt of being blessed with so much and the intent to live well and help others do the same), you have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy, to be, and to do.” Your part in this story will go on.”
With Sincerity and Love,
-Kyle Holbrook
-Class of 2013
P.S. To all the parents and friends, thank you so much for your continued support of this blog by taking time to read and comment. I think that the rest of Group 2 will agree with me in naming the Watsons our blog M.V.P.s. We all smiled knowingly when we saw your names, as we knew that a thoughtful and extended response was to follow.
P.P.S. To all of Group 2, no words can describe how blessed I feel to have gone through this experience with all of you. I keep getting choked up as I remember when we all first started to get to know each other on the group retreat just about over a year ago. I had this overwhelming feeling of excitement about getting to dive into the unknown with such a great group of young men and women. I still wish I had more time to get to know you all even more. I hope that we all have the opportunities to continue to grow closer next year, even for those who will be apart from Gonzaga. In some ways it feels like I just met you all, and this is crazy, but here’s my num- oh you know the rest…
While the joy of having you home will be immense, I will miss checking the blog each day! How your thoughtful entries have touched me! Thank you all for sharing so honestly and so thoroughly. Through your words we could get closer to your experience and subsequent heart renderings! I know your emotions must be mixed in saying good-bye to Zambezi but also know you are carrying so much of it home in your memories and your hearts.
KK- Its okay if you want to continue to take cold showers once home…;) or anything else that makes you feel connected to Zambia…maybe you can teach me a Zambian recipe we can incorporate into our meals…or ?? I imagine you all will experience a reverse sort of culture shock coming home and we’ll do what we can to ease the transition. 🙂 All I can say is I can’t wait!!! I love you my sweet girl! See you FRIDAY! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Mama/Kate’s mom xoxoxoxoxo
Kyle & Group 2,
I know that you will all struggle in some way to integrate your experience in Zambia to your life back home. I’m sure I speak for many committed readers of your blog posts that we have tried to take little nuggets from your experiences and work them into changing our daily lives. Remember that it is OK of your experience doesn’t radically change your life, but instead impacts it in the “little way” of St Therese of Lisiuex who said, ““You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.” After a month of blog posts showing how you have all lovingly accompanied your Zambian hosts, I know all of you can take that home with you!
God bless all of you, and safe travels home 🙂
Mike Dempsey
P.S. Meg – I can’t believe I will see you in three days <3 Lover you!
Kyle and all,
Thank you all so MUCH for taking the time while you were in Zambezi to share your thoughts and experiences with us all back here at home. You will all be leaving a bit of yourselves in Zambezi, and you will be bringing a bit of Zambezi home with you, which are both VERY good things to cherish and to have accomplished. Thanks again to all of you and we are so very proud of you!
Rick (Jay’s dad).
Jay, we are so looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Safe travels to you and everyone. Love you buddy, Pops!
Dear Kyle,
Thank you for wrapping this wonderful gift in such beautiful paper. Your words are the perfect way to end what has been an unexpected gift to my summer days.
I’m grateful to you all, and
I have loved being a small part of journey.
Love to all, and safe travels on whatever road lies ahead.
Ann
Kyle,
Once again your words have left me amazed and so proud of you. I am so thankful you were able to participate in such a wonderful and eye-opening journey. I pray for a safe trip home for all of you.
Looking forward to seeing you on Friday.
Love,
Mom
Kyle, you again have touched my heart and soul. Grandpa and I say the rosary each day for each grandchild and it is so exciting to see how Jesus and his Mother are answering our prayers. Keep this experience alive. We are anxious to see you. Hope we can get up to see you or you down to see us. You are very much loved.
Grandma
Deat Kyle,
The wrap up was wonderful. My folks understood completely what you were saying after experiencing the Great Depression and then WWII:
One is allowed to work hard AND enjoy and love life!
My generation did not understand this. Too much work and quilty about play time. How silly was that? One always needs to find the right balance.
See all of you at home soon. We have missed you, but we have all so enjoyed the blog!
Fondly, Barb (Anne’s mom)
Kyle and Group 2,
Thanks for including all of us on parts of your journey. It helped all of us to better understand and appreciate all that you have been doing and seeing. It has made this month easier for us here at home to know that you are all happy and healthy and we will be better able to help with your return home….or at least appreciate some of your struggles.
Safe travels to all wherever you may be going. Enjoy the rest of your summer.
Go Zags,
Kathleen Murphy (E…..can’t wait to have you home. I am so proud of you and all that you have accomplished in this month in Africa. Loving you!)
PS Thank goodness I didn’t know this was a competition. My OCD would have been in overdrive. HE HE. (Sadly, Anne can confirm this. 🙂
I think I have enjoyed the responses almost as much as the blogs. The family and friends of Group 2 are amazing, too. Thank you all! Barb
Dear all,
Kyle, we enjoyed your final post. This experience reminds all of us that we need to appreciate all we have and each other. Thank you everyone for sharing your time in Africa with us. Sending good thoughts for safe travels home.
Dave Dickman
P.S. Happy Big 21, Alex! We are excited to see you in a week. Be sure that you and Mateo look out for each other in Europe. Be safe. We will talk soon. Love ya, dad
Dear Kyle, all of Group 2, and all the parents and friends,
Mike Dempsey pretty much said it all for me (see above). Along with his comments, it is reassuring to recognize both the passion, and commitment that each of you have revealed in your posts. I don’t believe you will have any difficulty remembering this time, the lessons learned, and the friendships formed. I KNOW that a chosen few of you will never forget your “first chicken.” Enjoy your last hours and minutes, and get ready to show us lotsa pics. Thanks for the “honor” and a wonderful blog, Kyle.
In Africa, my eyes were opened wide
In Africa, we walked hand in hand, side by side
In Africa, our choir sang into the starry night,
In Africa, I saw myself with different eyes
In Africa, I learned the lessons God prepared
I found some answers, and more questions there,
In Africa.
Love, and Kisu mwane!
Linda and Steve Watson
P.S. Stef – News Alert Woodinville! Local market flower vendors report increased sales as Friday approaches – 92 year old Grandma ready to “get down” when you return! – Man and woman resembling your parents walking around with grins that cannot be erased – Appointment confirmed at TwoBirdsTattoo and Wades. We love you.
“Good morning,” said the little prince.
Good morning,” said the merchant.
This was a merchant who sold pills that had been invented to quench thirst. You need only swallow one pill a week, and you would feel no need for anything to drink.
Why are you selling those?” asked the little prince.
Because they save a tremendous amount of time,” said the merchant. “Computations have been made by experts. With these pills, you save fifty-three minutes in every week.”
And what do I do with those fifty-three minutes?”
Anything you like…”
As for me,” said the little prince to himself, “if I had fifty-three minutes to spend as I liked, I should walk at my leisure toward a spring of fresh water.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
In the race to make life easier we have made life more complex. We spend more time trapped in a digital world then enjoying the world around us. Unplug and enjoy the surroundings around you. God has created great beauty in the world and the people around us but most of us are “too busy” to enjoy them. Treasure your family and friends over a simple glass of water for not everyone is so fortunate.
To Kyle and All
Thanks
Glenn (Kyle’s Dad)
Kyle,
Thank you for the beautfiful final post to the blog,and one last photo of your group. There will be much to talk about when you all get back home. I am looking forward to Mateo giving us names to faces and faces to stories and the blog posts. As you all head to Lusaka, London and home our routines here will also change. Checking the site for the latest post, sometimes many times a day has been a highlight the past month. Thanks to all of you. You have opened eyes and hearts here too. Wishing you all a safe journey home.
Happy Birthday Alex!
Mateo,honey call as soon as you can before heading out on the rest of your adventure! Love you!
Kyle,
Thank you for your incredible post. So full of honesty. So full of heart. So full of many things to ponder, with sometimes no clear answers, but a direction in which to start. Listen to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit to help guide you as you take what has touched your hearts and souls in Zambia, and incorporate it into the small things of your everyday lives…or big things, it’s up to you!
For whatever reasons, since Mateo’s post, the lyrics of a song have been going through my head…over and over…I think I just need to release, an abbreviated version, to all of you…
…This world needs God
But it’s easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
Like nothing’s wrong
But I refuse
’cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care
I don’t want to say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse
To stay unchanged
To wait another day
I refuse to make one more excuse
…Oh I could choose
Not to move, but I refuse…
I Refuse
Josh Wilson
Blessings to each and every one of you as you continue to live your lives with love, compassion and your heart lessons from Zambia.
Love,
Linda
P.S. I’m going to miss hearing from you…AND your families and friends…Thank goodness I have all of your blogs and the comments to read and reread!
P.S.S. If any family members of Group 2 are going to be waiting in the “cell lot” at Sea Tac, we will be in a dark blue, Chrysler, mini van, license # 779-ZHK. We’d love to say Musana Mwane (I think that is: “Good afternoon” ) and “Hi”. More importantly, we’d LOVE to actually meet those in person, who we have only met through the comments/responses to the student blogs. So, feel free to knock on our window and let us know you are a fellow parent of a Zag in Zambia! Or just say, “Chindele!”
Stef, Piper is ready, Dippy is ready, and of course, Dad, me, Jesse and Grandma are ready…Ready to welcome you home with hugs, kisses and an ice cold Paul Newman lemonade! Love you more! XoxoMom