As I sit here on the green couch of the convent, the electric lights buzz while the rising sun sends its rays through the windows to deliver a welcome for the day. I listen to the chorus of roosters crowing, the generator whirring in town, and the honking of cars on the paved road a minute’s walk away from the convent. These are a few of the many vibrant and distinct sounds of a morning in Zambezi. Although they provide comfort and routine to my morning, my favorite sounds begin as our crew starts to wake up and their voices fill the convent with life. Throughout the day, the sound of the convent will fluctuate from the hushed conversations of Mama Violet and Mama Katendi in the kitchen to the loud voices of our computing students as they rush through the door to sit at the most functional computers. After class, I will walk through the market to listen to the murmurs of women, men, and children exchange common Luvale phrases: Musana mwane and Tunasakwilila mwane. (It’s a mouthful to say, and I am usually laughed at when trying). These beautiful sounds have multiplied as I have learned to engage in the many opportunities for conversations throughout this journey.
Coming into the trip, I was anxious about being comfortable with how my voice would be incorporated into both the Zag and Zambezi community. In previous experiences, my inability to speak up in larger groups or in opportunities to learn the stories of others has clouded my ability to seize every moment to get to know someone better.
Josh Armstrong said to our group before departing that he and others have high expectations! Yet going into the first week of classes, I learned how this is a place to struggle with and work on my longing to share my voice with others. I have been given an opportunity to be in Zambezi, Zambia, a place so full of rich stories and sincere people ready to interact with our Zag group. It is a daily, conscious choice to hear the voices that weave their way through the sand-covered streets of Zambezi and fill the smoky air in the market, and all it takes is my willingness to share a bit of my voice in return. The relationships that have come from this choice have filled my past week here with incredible joy.
One such friendship is with Joseph, a 19-year-old man in my morning computer class. After edging into the classroom on the first day, he eased into a seat in the back corner and gingerly opened the computer. He kept his head down and stared only at the bright screen in front of him. As I sat down next to him in the creaking wooden chairs to walk him through font changes and italicizing, he muttered an inaudible question to me. Through intense listening, after asking him to repeat the question, I understood his question of what we were going to learn about computers. His face changed from timid to flowing with curiosity as I talked through how to help him make this class his own. After releasing his hesitancy to speak up, Joseph now enters the classroom each day with bright eyes and his computer booklet securely grasped in his hands. Within the past week, he has progressively gained a voice in the class by eagerly interacting with his classmates and the teachers. Joseph and I have not only talked about how to make a cover page and choose fun fonts, but also his life here in regards to politics, religion, education, and family life. Understanding Joseph and where he is coming from has allowed me to connect my experiences here in Zambezi with his. This awareness has given me an increased level of comfort in this town.
When I think back to walking into the convent for the first time, I imagine I looked much like Joseph staring at the blank computer screen that he had never interacted with before. I was looking at the blank walls of a place we would call home for the next few weeks, yet I had no idea how I would make meaning out of this unfilled space. I had so many questions, yet I did not know how to give words to the fluctuating emotions I was feeling. Entirely out of my comfort zone and thousands of miles away from the people who know what I am thinking without an exchange of words, I quickly learned that allowing my emotions to build internally would not provide my voice an outlet in this community. Without her even knowing, my co-teacher and new friend Dakota was one person in the Zag crew who helped me work towards a shift in the way I expressed my thoughts. Her incredible ability with words (as those who have read her blog know), grace for responding to the concerns of the computer students, and eloquent words regarding the challenging questions we face here have inspired me daily to not settle for isolating my thoughts from the entire group and the Zambezi community.
As I sat under the star covered sky on the steps of the Royal Kutachika for Dakota’s birthday celebration earlier this evening, I found myself reaching out to more and more Zags to break down my excited yet confused emotions of the trip. Like Joseph and many others I have met throughout this journey, my voice can contribute to the many voices of Zambezi if I allow myself to open up to the incredible people around me. This is a place I can find comfort in finding my voice.
Kisu mwane,
Sophie Anton
Class of 2018
P.S.
-Mom, Dad, Tessa, and Nory: Hello family! Sending love from Zambezi and hoping all is well in Spokane. I miss you all and love you guys. I can’t wait to be home sharing my stories with you all soon! Enjoy the next few weeks with Tessa and give her an amazing sendoff to camp for me <3
-Anthony: I keep thinking about how you would love so many of the people I have met here! I wish you could experience this place, but I guess you will have to settle for hearing my long, drawn out version when I get back J Take care of yourself at camp! Love you and miss you!
-Taylor: I continuously imagine how you are going to embrace this place with your entire heart. I can’t wait to exchange stories after you go on this journey! Dakota and I miss you in the classroom and the whole Zag crew sends their love. Hope all is well in Spokane my dear friend!
Sophie – I don’t know what to say. You have all managed to make me cry more than I thought I could. I am constantly thinking about you all and am so happy you’re all challenging yourselves to get out and learn about who you are. I remember feeling so confused about how I could be the best teacher, but also learn and listen to the stories about my students. Your story about Joseph is touching because you’ve be able to experience him as a student and as a friend. You have shared your voice beautifully with all of us and I hope you continue to do so in Zambia (sounds like you’re getting pretty good at it!) The picture of you and Dakota in action is awesome. I miss that little room so much. Keep up all the great work. You are teaching the community such a valuable skill and learning so much in return.
Handy – no sight of Prince Harry, but I’ve located his residence so we’re making big moves on future possible communications.
Love to you all,
Venezia
Sophie,
As soon as I read your post it took me right back to going on Search with you and all the inspiring views you have of yourself and the world! I’m so happy to hear you are gaining your voice while on this journey but you will have such an impact on everyone you meet because you have such a great heart! Sending love and prayers your way.
Justin- Love and miss you lots! Sounds like you have already experienced so many amazing things and I can’t wait to hear about them!
Love and blessings,
Molly
Sophie! I’m surprised to hear you are struggling with expressing yourself at times, because this blog post was so thoughtful, so insightful, and so full of wonderful images that brought me right back to that convent. I loved mornings as well. The sun streaming through the windows, cool morning air flooding in, breakfast being made (so many potatoes cooked so many ways), and as you mentioned, the best part when your family begins waking for the day. I also vividly remember having a hard time expressing what I was gaining from the journey. While I have more insight now, there are still feelings that sit with me that developed in Zambezi that continue to teach me new insights about myself and the world around me. Thank you for your thoughts and your vulnerability in addressing them.
Matt, thank you for your post yesterday. It reminded me vividly of the time I spent my second year exploring the medical facilities in the area. Sounds like you’re learning so much. And I have no doubt this experience will only help enrich medical school. Good to hear from you man!!
Dodd, cook anything amazing lately? I hope at least one batch of no bakes has been consumed!
Is John Mwena still taking computers? Someone please tell him Conner said hello. And there’s a kiddo named Mcrabi (I believe, always had a hard time getting his name down) that someone should say hello to! Please also give a hello to, Fr Noel, Fr Dom, your lovely Mamas, and if anyone sees Stephen and Violet around please tell them hello!
I hope you are all doing well. It’s such a warm thought every day to imagine you all around that creeky convent dining table, enjoying breakfast as you read these together. Also, sounds like Dipolata was such a great experience!!
Keep laughing, keep learning and keep finding new ways to love.
Kisu Mwane
-Conner House
ZamFam 2013
Zamily 2014
Sophie, thank you so much for your words. Beautiful!
Hope you are all well. Katie Lou, we had some thunder Tuesday afternoon and evening, not a great thunderstorm though…it is waiting for you. Savor each moment! It is going so fast.
Thank you Sophie for an eloquent and heartfelt post. I am so enjoying reading the daily posts from you all. It’s exciting and touching to see the changes each of you are undergoing.
Emily (Handy), still no word but that’s OK! We/I miss you terribly and can’t wait to see you soon. I know you’re soaking it all in and enjoying every moment because that’s so who you are. I love you very much. ❤️❤️❤️
Nez, please don’t encourage her obsession with Prince Harry. I’m still concerned that, at some point, I’m going to have to bail her out of jail for chasing him down somewhere!
Love you all.
Dearest Sophie,
We were all so excited to wake up this morning and read your post. You brought us all to tears this morning! I am so in awe of the way you live each day with such grace, and inspired by the way you walk through the world. Thank you for sharing a bit of your life this past week giving us an insight into the thoughts cursing through your head. We love you so much little Sophster, and cannot wait to hear about your stories!
Dad wants to know if you pulled a Bulgaria, and Mom said this morning looking at the picture that you are where you need to be in this space and time. Also, you guys are all in our prayers! Grandpa and Aunt Kate when I talked to them yesterday couldn’t wait to read your post.
Andrew Mercer- Celia and Kat say hello from Spokane! Andrew, Zac, and Matt- so much love for you three! I have been so blessed to know you! Hope you’re keeping an eye out for my little sis!
Sending love from the West Coast,
Tess, Dad, Mom and Norquay
Hey Zambia Zags,
What an honor to read these posts and be brought back to this place through the words of such an amazing crew of Zags. I’m so proud of each of you for taking a chance on what you can learn through this experience. Just wanted to drop a quick note, not only to thank you for these posts, but to cheer you on. Not that I’m qualified to give advice here, but I just have one suggestion: Keep buying in to this experience. Keep giving yourself to what this place, these Zambians and these Zags can teach you. I’m seeing so many examples of you all learning to do what I call “sitting with ambiguity”: letting the experience wash over you and continuing to look for answers and learning moments, even if you can’t always figure things out.
Every so often, write down some of the things you’re learning, because even if you think you’ll remember, in a few months you might not.
Jeff: I don’t think I can really describe how proud I am of you for your leadership of this crew. Also, I just want to let you know that my respect for you has grown over this semester. Let me explain. Two years ago on our trip I remember us talking about your family and how much you missed them back home (that trip being one of the first extended periods of time you were apart from them). I’ve learned that it takes being in love to understand how much it hurts to miss people, and yet you continued to give yourself up to us as a leader that entire trip. Thanks for that. Also, wondering if you want to tell the group the story of a certain book that was requested by one of the Zambians? Definitely exclude said Zambian’s name, but I think it might be an interesting learning moment.
Mercer: Really miss you man, and I loved your post. Such a creative and engaging way to write it. I miss being right there in your shoes, in those classrooms, but the thought of you and Elly Zykan co-teaching those kids is almost too awesome to handle. Your post is a perfect example of your genuine humility, which is an undervalued trait and something I’ve always admired about you. I think that’s part of why we’re friends. You’re doing a great job of looking for truth, even if you haven’t wrapped your mind around it yet.
Matt: Pumped for you, Zac and Mercer to be the senior male leaders of this trip. I have a verse in mind for you three/the entire group, if you’re interested: 1 Peter 5:1-3.
Enjoyed hearing about the hospital, and your post reminded me how thankful I am that I decided not to get my ingrown toenail fixed there. Also, have you noticed that when the goat does its little scream, it sounds like it’s yelling your/our name? Not sure if the goat has already met its end yet, and sorry you’ll never be able to un-hear it after this, but I found it pretty funny.
Katie B.: Really wise realization in your post about learning not to put things into a box. That’s a really important thing to know, and I hope you burn that into your mind.
Emily: Thanks for finally confirming what “chi tomato” means. Some of my favorite moments in Zambia involved dancing to that in the school, but now my mind is at ease knowing that it doesn’t mean something unexpectedly super explicit.
Sophie: Really solid post here! Keep working on finding your voice, because quiet leaders who use their voice at the right time are really valuable.
Dakota: Wanted to highlight an incredibly wise line from your post: “We must make solutions that are sustainable for this community, rather than fixing the problems our way.” That’s one of the most important things I learned in Zambia.
Katie P: You are so tough. I can’t imagine how horrible that sickness must have been, but I’m amazed and so impressed at how you stuck through it and came to the other side ready to serve again.
Moira, Elly, Davis and Sam: Just wanted to give a shoutout to my favorite new friends. Know I’m cheering for you, and I can’t wait to read your posts.
Love from Matty J, Zam Fam 2014
Soph,
Your beautiful words brought so my joy to my heart. I know how nuts your life was while trying to study for finals, close your hall, and also prepare for your trip. But I know that we both know how worth it it all has been. I can tell already how much you are learning while you are there and it brings me so much joy, but no surprise. Share your voice. Your voice has brought me much light, hope, and peace throughout this past year. It would be a shame to hide it. Reading your words about speaking up makes me want to jump across the water to you and motivate you to have faith in yourself because you change the lives of the people around you. You are in my prayers my dear friend. Keep up the incredible work that you are doing. You inspire me.
Sending you virtual hugs and MUCH love from Florence,
Amanda Ulkekul
zac,
We are thinking of you and talk about what you all must be experiencing. I am sure we can’t even imagine it. Embrace it all and know we send our love. Love Mom, Dad, Tori, Papa, and Nana
Sophie,
I began my morning with this post and have been coming back to it all day. There have been so many beautiful tears, and as they fell, I laughed just as we did so often at all those moments we both ended up crying together. Sophie, those moments we shared are blessings that find me when I need reminders of the love and togetherness that exists-I cannot thank you enough for how included and walked with you have made me feel in this process and in so much of life. As I read your blog I think back to Mission: Possible(helloo MP Tacoma/Zambia crew) and how you took time before sharing your voice. But my goodness friend, those moments when you did share-you spoke so beautifully, moving our reflections into deeper spaces, opening our hearts and minds to different perspectives, and asking us to acknowledge what we were struggling with in our service. Your voice matters so much, you matter so much. Thank you so much for this blog.
Also-cannot tell you how HAPPY it made me to read of your relationship with Joseph AND to see you and Dakota in that classroom (thank you so much for that) Seriously, I was dancing around out of pure joy. I love you so much and cannot wait to have you here in Spokane with me. PS the creepy “I have a picture of you” moment still brings me almost to tears whenever I think of it-which is so often.
Dakota! I sent you love all day yesterday and kept checking for a blog to wish you happy birthday! it is now a belated happy birthday but know that I am celebrating your life with just as much enthusiasm. You are incredible and I am so excited to see the ways you continue to live in this world with such courage and determination and a hope that is coupled with action to make it a better place-you make it a better place.
Abbey-emailed Joe and we are now currently planning a meet up so I can meet Clem and of course catch up with Joe! Thought that would make your heart happy(:
Love you friends! And again, thank you Sophie for such a beautiful post.
Tay
Sophie,
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story of how your relationships with Joseph, the women who work in the covenant, and your fellow Zags have given you the confidence to share your thoughts more frequently with others. This post was so beautifully written and I am proud of you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in the face of confusion and discomfort.
Even though you may have trouble pronouncing “gluten” and frequently mistake “pop” for what is actually “soda”, please know that your voice has infinite worth and influence. Something I admire most about you is how you are a natural leader among your peers; not because you’re the loudest or most outspoken, but because you have such valuable insight and an ability to make others feel important.
I send my very best to you and the rest of the Zambia crew as you continue on this journey. Thank you for being my person and for showing me what it looks like to love endlessly. I am counting down the days until I can hear all of your stories and adventures!
I love you lots!
Anthony