Today we woke up and nervously chatted around the breakfast table, gulping down our oatmeal and potatoes. There was a tense undertone to our generally cheery morning rituals, as our team squeezed around the table, which was now filled with flowers, thanks to Tamryn. The first day of our projects lay ahead. After the meal, our health team headed out, and I, with the rest of teaching group, waved goodbye to the remaining leadership and computer groups, not before snapped a couple of awkward first day pictures, complete with backpack and freshly washed faces.
In the four days I have spent in Zambezi, there have been very few moments in which I have been comfortable. I have tasted food that’s stared at me questioningly from the plate, I have stopped and started through awkward half English half Lunda conversations, I have been braver that I thought I could be, stepping out onto a suspension bridge, over the crocodile filled Zambezi River, into jeeps, speeding maniacally though the bush, or soaring over the vast African skyline in a plane smaller that my mom’s minivan.
So, bouncing along the bumping road to Chileng’a Basic School, I wondered why I was so nervous. After a week like the one we’ve all had teaching was going to be the most in my comfort zone that I have been all week. It was familiar. It was safe. And yet, as I looked out the widow at the cheering children out side, their dirty feet pounding the red sand to run along side us, I felt the intense and longing duality that has followed me since I arrived here. I am finding myself, all at once, both completely uncomfortable, and completely at peace. At times, I leap forward, feeling safe enough to take my first steps out over whatever river, metaphorical or otherwise, I needed to cross. And yet, once over that river, I feel myself swaying with fear and discomfort, imagining the long drop beneath.
Saturday night I spent my homestay at the home of Steven and Violet, who live in the bush, with no electricity or running water. I was blessed enough to go with my two fellow Zambia Gold interns, Conner and Hayley. The three of us spent a night that I will remember for the rest of my life. We sat outside, ate nshima, and talked and talked, our stories and opinions flowing as easy and soft as the dying sun. We danced in the unadulterated light of the stars and moon, the unfamiliar angles of the southern cross acting as a touch shining down on us, as we spun and clapped with the children of the compound. It was one of those nights that I used to read about as a little girl, in books too big for my lap. Those stories of traveling adventurers, who spend nights in far away and exotic places, that I loved so much. Throughout the night, the three of us kept looking at each other, wondering, “Is this really happening right now?”
And it was. All of this is happening. And somehow it is ok. We are walking an exciting and unknown line. We waver from comfort and joy, to the sadness and insecurity. This is Africa for me today, that one moment we can be dancing under the stars, laughing with all of our beings, and in another, we can be afraid, miles away from our comfort zone.
At school today, I stood up and talked to the children of classroom 7b about my favorite thing in the world: stories. I told them that stories have beginnings, middles, and endings, and that both good and bad things happen in them. My fingers shook as I held the chalk, and wrote on the board, but it didn’t take long for these children, with their eager hands and there gentle hearts to remind me of the other side of the line, the one we are always walking. There is so much sorrow in life, but when a child dances with you, or repeats a cheer you just taught them, or shows you the picture they have drawn for you, you realized that all of the moments of fear are worth it.
So this week we are straddling the line. For every moment of stepping into the unknown, brings us closer to the greatest gift—unwavering love. I feel it here. I feel it in the children. I feel it in our teachers, the adults in the village. I feel it in my wonderful team. And I feel it, stretching across the sea from our homes. Keep sending it, as we continue to step out in faith, and seek to bath in the light and life of Zambia.
Kisu Mwane.
Lucy Baldwin, Class of 2015
Lucy…I love that you wrote about exactly how I have been feeling…walking “an exciting and yet completely unknown line!” How beautifully explained! I can’t imagine how you must all be feeling…but I know up until this point, one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as a Mother was drop my little girl off at Gonzaga 2 years ago. Being GU alumni, I didn’t think saying goodbye was going to be that hard…I was so proud and excited for her to start the next chapter of her life, following in her Dads and my footsteps and becoming a Zag. Yet as we drove away from campus I cried most of the 4 hour drive home, “was she going to be okay?” After phone calls everyday, several texts, visits to Spokane, and packages from home, I finally realized YES she was more than just okay, she was growing up without me by her side everyday to protect her!
Then when Kaitlyn came home and told us she wanted to apply for the trip to Zambezi, even though my Mother was born in Zambia and the idea that Katie might have the opportunity to see the land where her Grandmother was born thrilled me, that same question raced through my mind…”will she be okay?” I wasn’t going to be able to call or text her everyday to know how things were going. I think my initial reaction of the fear of the unknown for her gave Kaitlyn the impression that I didn’t want her to go. In reality, as a parent I couldn’t have been more proud and more excited for her to add yet another chapter, this chapter…ZAMBEZI to her life. And now, after shes been gone for almost a week and after reading the inspiring, heartfelt blogs so far, I already know the answer to my question again “will she be okay?” YES!!! THANK YOU! Thank you all for answering that question so quickly….(i forgot to thank Garrett yesterday for keeping the name of the person who threw up anonymous;) ) Thank you for having such special hearts, for sharing yourselves with all of us back home as well as with the beautiful community of Zambezi! There aren’t enough words to express how proud I am of you Kaitlyn…! I hope you all continue to add lots of exciting chapters to your beautiful lives! (((Hugs))) to everyone! I Love you Kaitlyn!! ~Mommy Xoxo
Ps…Game of Thrones was so good last night, not that it’s important, but you’ll only have 3 episodes to catch up on as that’s all that’s left in the season
Btw…nothing could’ve made my day brighter then seeing my girls smiling face in that picture surrounded by so much joy! Thank you! Keep crossing those lines and continue to soak it all in! Xoxo
Beautiful blog posts Zam Fam 2013! I have enjoyed waking up and reading your posts and thinking back on my experience in Zambezi. Keep embracing the adventures of this journey.
Kisu Mwane,
Katie Hayes
PS- MATEO-is your hair all gone? I couldn’t fully tell in that picture!!!
It’s really great to hear from you Lucy and know that everyone is doing great! I can’t imagine how nervous and anxious you guys get doing all the things you are doing over there in Zambia. I mean, I get anxious just reading these blogs. Anyways, its good to hear all of you are doing well, and loving what you are doing. It’s also great to see you guys smiling! It’s too bad you can’t just post ALL the pictures…. haha anways, enjoy your time there! Praying for you guys all the time. God bless!
Christian Hoag
PS (sorry everyone) but Katie, you have such a beautiful smile!!! hahah I miss it… I love you lots best friend! 🙂
Another great picture! Michael, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy teaching. It goes along with the coaching you’ve done the last few years. Keep smiling everyone!
Well I’m sitting here at work numbly staring into my computer doing what I do 5 days a week day in and day out, year after year. reading your posts transports me off to a world where people a making a tremendous difference in the world. Vicariously I’m a part of it and for that I’m thankful. Although we haven’t heard from Megan yet I can hear her voice and visualize her smiles through the ones I’ve read. Keep up doing the Lords work with your smiles, your love and your care. Miss ya Megan and we’re really proud.
Gotta go, Dad
P.S. How many little Zambeziers are running around saying “gotta go”?
Thank you Lucy for the beautiful post. I feel priviledged to sign on to the blog each day( sometimes several times a day) again this year as we followed Mateo last year. It is difficult to convey the spiritual experience it is following all of you from our different places stateside. You are not only teaching your special children but your parents also!
Sending love Mateo to you and your group as we are under the exact same moon! XOXO
Lucy. Wow.
Just, wow.
I mean, I am literally lost for words right now. What a beautiful reflection.
I can envision every aspect of Chilena Basic through your words as they paint a perfect picture of the emotion you are experiencing. The thought of those bumping rides in the land cruiser to the school (“meh-n0-nay”!) and the “dirty feet pounding the red sand” bring a huge smile to my face while making a heart ache a little as well. You’ll never forget that first day. Your students are so lucky to have such a gentle, warm, and unconditionally loving woman teaching them for the upcoming weeks.
I’m not sure if you have a trouble-making boy named Innocent in your class (an ironic name to say the least), but if you do, give him a gently firm “whap” on the head from me — and a huge hug.
Thank you for the much needed distraction to remember to look up at the stars and continually stop to ask if those “soul moments,” as I call them, are all “really happening right now?” Because they are, whether in Zambia or at home, and it’s a beautiful thing. Keep walking that line girl, and keep taking note of every interaction of discomfort and fear because in the end, those are the times that ultimately make the singing more vibrant, the conversation more profound, the beauty more vivid.
Garrett, loved waking up and reading your stories yesterday. Looks like you are thriving in a world devoid of attachments to find true happiness — De Mello would be proud 🙂
$25,000 kwacha to anyone who can out-journal Teo in these next upcoming weeks!
No words can describe the effect you all are having, not just on the lives you are touching there, yet the lives of all us back home. Amazing ~ Truly Amazing!!
For a quick funny…..sorry Katie…..wow, could your mom put the blog down for a minute?! I can’t get her to talk on the phone! And I may or may not have heard
that a certain boy (Christian??) Stopped in the middle of his morning run, just to
check and see if there was a new post!! Hahaha 🙂
Just a couple examples of how very much, ALL of your families and friends are totally
pulling for you ALL!!!
Godspeed~
Tawna
Hey everyone! Congratulations on making it though the first day of teaching. I too remember my first time meeting the home based care group, preparing first lessons, and the long walks through the sand. Lucy, that was a beautiful reflection, and I can distinctly remember having those thoughts of “is this really happening” while I was in Africa, and to echo Brady, those moments are real, and that is what makes your journal so important because it captures your feelings so you can return to them back at home and at school. Dancing under the stars with your home stay family sounds like an amazing and beautiful experience. One night the movie projector wasn’t working and we had an impromptu dance with the children outside the convent under the stars, and like you said, it moments like that make all of the moments of fear worth it.
Garrett, I stayed with the same family as you last year, and I loved your insight on each of the family member’s warmth, generosity and humor. Was Alex’s daughter muntinta around? Teo, do you remember when she put pony tails in your hair, haha! And the sugar cane is so good and refreshing.
Sending love and encouragement from home, I am really enjoying keeping up with your journey in Zambezi, thank you for sharing 🙂
Analise Thornley, Zambezi 2012
Lucy,
Thank you for your post! What is most sweet about it is that it allows your friends and family to live this experience along side all of you. As a parent, I notice that at times I’m held captive by the thought (and the fear) of what you all are doing at any given moment. In the Dorsey household, life seems a bit on hold. It’s all about, what do you think Delaney’s doing right now? I have taught at GU for 23 years. Lucy you remind me why. I love seeing Zambezi through your eyes. Thank you to Josh and Susan for all that you two have given up to provide this adventure to our children. Although Delaney is the sole non-Gonzaga student (Go Cougs!) she grew up in my classrooms and is in so many ways also a Zag. Both the detail of what you experienced and the photos of the beautiful Zambezi children and your Zambezi colleagues give us such joy. Thank you!!! Keep the photos and the posts coming. They are a most welcome addition to our daily routine. A thought for the day:
As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you will miss most of your life.
Love to Delaney.
Hey guys!
I read a poem today that I think relates to what you guys are experiencing right now. I’d love to share an excerpt of it with you:
“At this exact instant on this exact planet there are more people than you, or I, or anyone else would ever care to admit, that are buried beneath the weight of wasted time.
The shoulds and supposed tos and becauses and jobs and money and requirements and responsibilities add up and pile up and entomb us.
How many miles separate how many people from the lives they should be leading, the people they should be loving and the moments they will never get back?”
Right now, I have a hunch that your answer to that last question is: zero.
Love you like crazy, you’re doing great
Swendy
Reading all of these blogs makes me feel as if I am there with all of you experiencing your journey alongside of you. I’m so sorry that I have not been on here for the past few days, life has been hectic, but there hasn’t been a single day that has gone by where I haven’t thought about you Katie!! I have seriously read each blog about 3 times each now because the imagery is so vivid in all of your postings!! It’s so great hearing about all of your adventures and life experiences you are all enduring on this amazing adventure. I can hardly wait to hear more! I seriously love seeing all of your pictures and I have to say this one is personally one of my favorites. Not only do I get to see my best friend Katie smiling from ear to ear, beautiful as ever, I get to see all of the beautiful Zambezi children smiling with eyes filled with such joy. I can tell you are having such an amazing time and I am beyond happy for you and your group. I promise to be on top of my postings from now on 🙂 Saying I miss you so much would be an understatement but I know that you are making memories of a lifetime and I am so happy for you!! You are so beautiful on the inside and out Katie and are missed and loved by many!! I look forward to reading about all of your future adventures!! I love you and miss you! Have fun and cherish every memory you make on this trip of a lifetime! <3
And like your mom said, take tons of pictures!! 😉
Love you!!!
Wow, every blog is full of emotion, pride, and awe. I am in awe at how honest and open all the writers are. You all carry us to Zambia with you. I was so worried about you Megan, but I am oddly at peace with you being there. I still miss you like crazy, but I’m so proud of you. Please don’t tell me you were the first one to cross that suspension bridge. Somehow I think you were. Keep smiling, that is a wonderful gift of yours to give someone. Love ya, mom
My Lucy…
I knew even before I got through the first paragraph that this one was yours. There are no words big enough to speak the pride and joy that your daddy and I feel for you. This is a beautiful telling of a magnificent story. Keep telling it my sweet daughter.
So much love to you and your team tonight. Hope you feel the hugs.
Love mom and dad and sissies and jack.
Another impressive post! You do a beautiful job describing your experience and have crafted a genuine reflection relevant to many parts of your life but also ours back in the U.S. It’s a reminder that it’s not only okay to step outside of our comfort zone but that toeing that line of comfort exposes self-truths, life’s necessities and what’s important. I’ve often seen the quote: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” You write of experiencing unwavering love in Zambia. I think that’s the “life” in this quote. So to all of you during these next few weeks and beyond, keep toeing that line; keep experiencing “life.” And, I’m going to try to do the same here.
H, I talked to Bobby on the phone tonight. He pitched at his game and was excited to tell me how well he did. He misses you. We all do, but we know you’re having a great experience and are making a difference. Love you!!! xo
I didn’t think I would find myself anxiously waiting to read the daily blog from you all but both Hanna’s dad and I have found ourselves checking each day. Its sounds like each and everyone of you has had to step outside your comfort zone in one way or another just knowing that you can do it and survive will be a benefit to you in life. You all are so lucky to have this experience. Thanks for giving us all such detail so we can envision what you are experiencing. Hanna, I hope you are having a wonderful time and that your first day of teaching leadership was a success. Love Mom and Dad plus your loving sisters.
Lucy, this is Dad, typing on mom’s new iPad so I will be brief as this is kinda awkward to type…but we are really proud of you and so excited for the adventures you are going through. We hope you get to write many, many more posts,,
Lucy, beautiful reflection… thank you. Your image of unwavering love makes me smile, really.
Mateo; Domity emailed me and told me that you’ve gotten a haircut. Is this true? If so, air high-five, farts-on-farts for that! WHOOO!
Lauren Bledsoe; you look beautiful with the children surrounding you, hope you are having a wonderful time!
Jason; Domity also told me how kindly you spoke of me. Thank you. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Soak it in like a sponge and lets go to happy hour soon 😉 (wink wink)
Don’t worry, I’ll be back!
Hikaru
Lucy! What a beautiful telling of incredible experiences. Speechless. From all of it. I am beyond joyful to hear how wonderful your time in Zambia has been already. Your description painted real images in my mind – how I wish I was there!! I’m praying for the group, even though I don’t know all of you. Lucy, I’m so so happy to hear your stories. Tamryn, I love you dear friend! My brother Conner, I love and miss you so much! Hayley, Hanna, Shaun, Jason, Michael…Love you all. Oh my goodness. I can’t believe you guys are in Africa. Keep adventuring, keep seeking, keep taking risks and loving every moment God blesses you with. Lots of love and prayers and hugs from Washington.
Savannah
Lucy and the rest of Zambezi 2013,
Thank you for your amazing stories. Each day I look forward to reading your words because I know that if I close my eyes, I can put myself next to you in the sand as we walk to the market. Each day my eyes shed a tear or two as I remember the struggle of adjusting to Zambezi. But mostly, each day my heart fills as I get to relive a bit of my experience through you. And for that, I am so grateful.
Keep soaking in the unending love that Zambezi has to offer.
All my love to each of you,
Kisu mwane,
Kate
WOW, Lucy, so beautiful! Such eloquent writing! I am so touched by your reflection and everyone that has been so brave to share their experiences thus far! (FYI, I cried, and I am sure Megan is laughing at me)
I am think about all y’all on the daily, and check in all the time! I get more excited for these posts than Facebook notifications and Twitter retweets/favorites (and that is saying something 😉 )
Thoughts and prayers to everyone, missing you lots Meg, Smally, and Shauny, very much looking forward to your reflections, so proud of your strength and courage, and so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life! Love you all a million muches!
Kels
Hi to Shaun and to you all! The blogs so far are so descriptive and the writing is really excellent – thanks to all of you for putting those of us here in the USA in a “time and space” where we can really imagine being there with you. The Nervous factor vs the Excitment factor vs the “what in the heck am i doing here” factor – yes you are all experiencing that. Shaun was nervous and excited before he left and now I see this is a common factor for you all – and if you didn’t want to serve in the best way possible, you would not be nervous – you would just be over confident! So stay a little nervous and continue to work on those relationships as those are what will count in the end. I have cried with each blog I have read so far and I am sure things won’t change with the next ones! Love and luck and the best to all of you.
Yes ~ continue to step out. Yes ~ continue to love and continue to feel the love. Enjoy the experience and the discomfort of your opportunity. You all will not regret taking those leaps of faith. You make me smile! GOD BLESS! Monte
Lucy,
What a beautifully written post. My heart is literally pounding as though I was about to cross that bridge, about to meet Violet and Steven, about to teach my first leadership class. It is crazy how storytelling can easily spark such strong emotional and physiological responses. You have relived so many memories in me that had not been forgotten, but had been preciously and safely incorporated as part of my being.
Lucy, you will make such a wonderful teacher, your gentle heart and approachability to experiences like these will enlighten the young hearts and minds of so many. Continue stepping into the unknown, continue being uncomfortable. You will come back with a craving to keep seeking that “unwavering love” you speak of; which I am sure you will come to recognize its universality– for it’s not restricted by cultural, much less geographical borders. It just comes in different forms.
Thank you all for continuously sharing your experiences, they’re so refreshing to read!
Constanza
Teo, you most definitely shaved your head! And so did Josh? Cray 🙂
Lucy, how articulate you are to write in depth your thoughts about your surroundings and your feelings. It was such a pleasure to get to know you and Hannah prior to your departure from Seattle. When the three of you left here with such great anticipation, you were talking about your last hamburger you would eat in five weeks, your last american breakfast, pizza etc. It looks like that is just foreign now and you have really taken in everything, and become “comfortable” in your surroundings. May God lead you and all the others to learn as much as possible not only about the culture but of yourselves. And of course my love to my daughter Allison!!!!! Or Ally as everyone else calls her.
Ment to post this on Sunday but Lu, ‘you’re special today.’
Miss you already! Glad to see you got there safely and that you have a smile on your face. Enjoy, it will go so fast! Talk to you again soon
Love & Shalom
Megan, those pictures of the group in London and when you arrived in Zambezi made me know what a life experience you will have. You have so much love to give. The lives you touch and the Zambezians that touch you will last forever. Enjoy every minute and bring us back all your experiences. Grandma and Grandpa are so proud of what you are doing. Love you.
Lucy,
A warm hello from Sarah Atkins and I. We are thinking and praying for you from Spokane! So thrilled to continue to hear about your adventure 🙂
To the entire Zag Zambia family: I send my love and best wishes today and always!
With love,
Malori
Dear Lucy,
I absolutely loved reading your post. I have loved reading everyone’s posts about Zambia. It sounds like you are all having an absolutely amazing, fantastic, life-changing adventure. I’m glad you are having those “is this really happening right now” moments. I’m also glad that you have found that you can be comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. I cannot even imagine the amazing experience that you are having, but I can’t wait to hear all about it once you get back.
Love you so much, sending love and prayers to all of you in Zambia!
-Mary