“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown
Ever since I read Dare to Lead last summer, I have lived my life based on this quote. Over the past several months I have applied it to all areas of my life, from communicating with customers at work, to roommates, to my older brother and parents. I thought I had it down: Say what you mean, even if it might be difficult for you to communicate or for the other person to hear (in respectful ways, of course). Furthermore, act with purpose, mindfulness, and intentionality. However, my world has been slightly shaken over the past week as I have realized that I do not, in fact, have it all figured out.
Jeff has a patch on the fanny pack he carries around that says, “Humanize, Accompany, Complicate.” He explained to us early on that he tries to cultivate his experience in Zambia each year through these words. The one that sticks out to me most is complicate. The dynamics between ourselves and Zambians, and between our expectation and our actual experiences, throughout the first week of our trip were very complicated. I grappled with going to high tea at a five star resort owned by South Africans just a few miles down the road from our hostel, negotiating with vendors at the public and curio markets over money that to us seems nominal, and eating at restaurants that seem to serve everything but traditional Zambian cuisine. In my mind, these experiences were anything but clear, and I struggled to know if I was speaking, acting, and experiencing Zambia “correctly.”
Yesterday after our warm welcome in Zambezi, full of singing and dancing, Taylor, Alea, Becca, and I joined a pickup soccer game with a group of boys down the block from the convent, despite their obvious doubts about our soccer talent. We played until It was dark, stopping to admire the purple and yellow sunset. Highlights included Alea being chosen for a PK (and scoring!) and my left-footed goal in the upper right corner. We were elated when we left and many of the boys called after us, “let’s play again tomorrow!”
The soccer game made it known to me that Jeff’s complicate patch isn’t talking about how complicated it may feel to interact with a new culture. Rather, it is abut complicating our experiences in order to become mutually indebted with this community. Going to high tea, engaging at the curio markets, and eating at restaurants catering to tourists gave me firsthand experience with how this culture came to be what it is. Even though we couldn’t understand some of what our soccer teammates said and were very unclear on the boys’ local rules at times (talk about complicated), we established an understanding of our place on the pitch and developed strong teamwork by the end of the game. We were part of how they connect with one another.
That’s what I think Brené Brown missed: the how. Finding out how isn’t always clear, but it is always complicated. Being clear in every single thing I say and do doesn’t allow me to experience genuine connection, new perspectives, and real conversations – the how. Embracing complication, on the other hand, pushes me to explore the boundaries of what I know about myself and the world as I interact with others. As we look to begin our classes this week, my goal is to drive my work with complication and dare myself to be unclear.
Caroline Murphy
Class of 2027
Beautiful words Caroline!
I’m so glad that you are pushing yourself into new experiences that are unknown. It can be scary but that’s where you truly learn about yourself and the world. Wait till you go to ZamCity and play with the soccer players. Soccer at ZamCity was more of a running workout than a soccer game to me lol! Have fun ZamZags!
-Ellie Powers, ZamFam ‘24
What a beautiful reflection Caroline M. Your intention to dare to be unclear is bold and honest. Growth often comes not from perfect articulation but from the messy, in-progress, and sometimes uncomfortable spaces. As classes begin for you all, that approach seems like a powerful invitation to both challenge and connect — with yourself, your work, and the local community.
Caroline O., miss you more than you know!
I love this story. Thank you for sharing Caroline. I miss you so much Ellie. I mean talk about someone who knows how to connect and develop a kinship with just about anyone. I can’t wait to hear about the connections you have made. You impress me so much, and I will always be jealous of your talent for making others feel comfortable, open and heard. Everyone needs an Ellie on a trip like this. I nominate you for a blog post. Love you so much!
Beautiful reflection Caroline. Figuring out the “how” is a lifelong journey. I anticipate all of you are going to have a new perspective on many areas of life.
Kathleen – we miss you like crazy and I can’t wait to unpack your experiences with you when you are home.
These are all so fun to read I’m so proud of each and every one of you Zags! They are so lucky to have you I can’t wait to hear stories! Love you bug bug!!
Love this! What a wonderful opportunity. So many new and exciting experiences. We can’t wait to hear of the lifelong memories you are making. Katy- we love you and miss you dearly! Keep soaking up every minute of this amazing adventure!
Hi Snoopy!
Just wanted to let you know i’ve been reading all of the posts, don’t you worry!!
it sounds like you guys have already had so many cool experiences over there, and it’s just the beginning!! Miss you tons already, i can’t wait to see more.
love, freja !
What a powerful and honest reflection, Caroline M. Your willingness to sit in the tension, to explore the nuance, and to complicate your understanding is a sign of true growth and leadership. It’s clear you’re not just observing—you’re participating, reflecting, and allowing your perspective to evolve. That takes courage, humility, and heart.
Reading your words reminds me once again of just how proud I am of you. I miss you so much, but seeing how you’re embracing this journey with open eyes and an open heart fills me with gratitude. And by the way—Jack misses you too. He can’t wait for you to come home and tell him all your stories (though he may interrupt for belly rubs).
To all the zags –
Keep daring to be unclear. You are learning something priceless.
With love, Sarah
PS. Glad that left foot is still strong!
Caroline – I love the soul searching in this one. Clarity sometimes doesn’t exist, even when you think you need it most. Other times, it presents itself when you least expect it so keep your eyes peeled!
I was so excited to see that all of you were greeted by dancing and singing when you landed in Zambezi the other day. That’s so cool! Why don’t we all do that?
Nat – wazzup girl! You know what I’m talking about.
Caroline, thank you for sharing the inherent tensions you’re experiencing in both seeking clarity, holding yourself accountable to clarity … but also opening yourself up to the complicated. I can see why CLP chose you for leadership potential! Muddling through the unclear is the trickiest stuff. Thank you for sharing the circumstances of the South-African-owned/multinational resort and the dis-ease or discomfort you may be feeling as you learn and encounter so much new. What a learning experience and from your post, I can tell that none of this will be lost on you! LOTS of stretching in that post and I really appreciated your candor and your wanting to hear more from Brené Brown on the “how.” Also loved hearing about the pick-up soccer game. THANK YOU for sharing all this with us! I hope you can write us an update in a few weeks, further reflection on what you’ll have then experienced about (intentionally) complicating your experiences toward mutual indebtedness. I’m so curious what this will look like for all of you and I send you cheers and blessings for all the ways you’re all wading through the unknown with these intentions of connection. Bless you all!
xoxo,
Elisa (Mia’s Mom)
Really enjoyed reading this reflection. I’ve been getting to follow along on my friend Ellie’s journey and experiences in Zambia with all of you and it’s nice to hear about how everyone has been so introspective and having such a wonderful time. It forces me to do my own thinking about what I’m experiencing in my day to day life and how clarity comes in so many different forms. Loved this piece!
Thanks Caroline, it’s great being able to “see” this trip and your experiences through these thoughtful reflections. Connection is complicated. I’m sure you are all seeing that in so many various ways…keep searching for connections, or just let them happen, embracing all the complications…my head is spinning just reading this from afar. With how smart and conscious you all are proving to be, I would encourage you to not get too caught up in solving all the complications, embrace and experience, and your contributions toward solutions will come over time!
Caroline – such an amazing post. Just love hearing about your journey of personal growth. And I am so excited for each one of you to stretch, learn and grow! Every morning I feel so much inspiration from reading this blog.
Sloane- I miss you and love you. Saw a sliver of your smile in the photo today. That smile is your ticket to connection! So happy for all the growing and learning you get to do. Hugs!
Amy
Caroline,
What a beautifully written blog. I too, felt like Brene Brown’s work illuminated many things I had sought to articulate in life. I love how it has left you finding out how – the part not so easily found. At the heart of this time you have in Zambezi are many paradoxes and a big gap in clarity. In this complex and unclear world, you’re left starting from scratch in many ways, but I urge you to lean into that complex space that may feel unclear and uncomfortable. Despite our best efforts, learning, growth, understanding, and anything entirely human doesn’t seem to exist without complexity – and if it does, I haven’t found it yet. Have a wonderful time complicating and thank you for sharing.
Please give extra hugs to the mamas (and jeff) for me. “carrot three” <3
Joci, ZamFam '22
What a beautiful post! It is so inspiring to read about everyone’s experiences and perspectives. I have such confidence in the future of our world when I read how you all are navigating challenges and reflecting on your time spent with others.
Taylor…rec soccer finally pays off! Hopefully someone was ready for the cross :). Ann would be proud! Love you!!
Our family (Carly’s family) has experienced much of this in Honduras (I played a pick up soccer game versus school kids with trees that marked the goals – a highlight experience of that trip for me) and having spent time in Kenya as well. It is truly amazing what you learn when you ask people there questions and learn to meet and accept them where they are. They often act a certain way because they think you expect them to do so. Asking and listening gives you insight into their world and lets you meet them there!
What a fantastic experience you are all having! It is so powerful to connect with people who have such a different experience from what most of us have. It is good to see you get into the working part of the trip, planning lessons and collaborating with others. It isn’t as glamorous as jumping off a bridge, but it challenges you in amazing ways. Have fun, and enjoy every minute!