When we got off the plane in Zambezi, I would have told you I knew what accompaniment was. What I didn’t know is the next three-ish weeks would prove me wrong. Not only did I not understand the practice of accompanying others, I did not know how to allow myself to be accompanied.
My first lesson in accompaniment came in the form of family style. On the first evening in Zambezi, after a brief deliberation and vote, passing dishes to the left was the verdict. Family style eating requires a unique form of accompaniment that has become one of my favorite parts of our routine in Zambezi. Squished around seven differently sized tables there are anywhere between 21 and probably 26 chairs that have accommodated the Zags, Mamas, and various dinner guests throughout our time in Zambezi. A pole wrapped in scarves and balloons jets out of the center. Now I can’t tell you if we eat family style because it’s easier or because it teaches connection, other-centeredness, and (of course) accompaniment. It’s a good thing I don’t have to figure that out because both are true.
Family style is representative of the collective accompaniment which I have found in Zambezi. Students in Business and Leadership class call one another out but more importantly call each other in with care I have seen attempted in few other places. The Market provides space for a dance-like conversation in which, although passing (sometimes to the left), meaningful connections are forged. I have found that Zambians live life Family Style and now so do we.
Passing to the left has not been strictly followed by the ZamFam, especially when someone needs the peanut butter (cough Sarah) or the salt (cough, cough Morgan). There is a strange flow state that we have reached during our weeks of shared meals. Bowls are passed, conversations flow, and people dig in at the same time. There is always a seat for everyone no matter if there is no fruit left when it gets to you. Family style forces you to think of others when serving and passing. It reminds me day in and day out that there is a unique beauty in each individual having a place at the table. We can’t eat if anyone is missing (as Emi and Jeff would lovingly/sarcastically tell you). Accompanying at the table is understanding that each individual is part of the whole. Each meal reminds me that there is no need to earn a place. I can show up as I am.
A second lesson in accompaniment came in the days leading up to our trip to Dipilata. I was struggling with teaching a subject I know little about, feeling harmful to a community that I had come to care deeply about, and feeling exceptionally out of place. I was trying to earn a spot at the table even though I knew deep down would always have a place for me. Instead of leaning in, asking for help, and letting myself be accompanied in my struggles, I climbed a wall. I mean that literally: I climbed the brick wall surrounding the convent and sat atop it while observing the comings and goings around me. The barrier to the convent allowed me to distance myself physically and literally from the people inside and those outside. I sat there and tried to figure myself out, eventually climbing off the physical wall. I had forgotten the delicate balance of humanize, accompany, and complicate. I spent too much time complicating and forgot to humanize. Climbing off that wall, I felt unworthy of the care I that was so freely given here. I thought I was doing Zambia wrong, whatever that means. This moment taught me that I needed to work on being accompanied. I did not know what it meant to fully surrender to people who would willingly walk alongside me without asking for anything in return.
Lucky for me, whether I liked it or not, I was not walking this road alone. The ZamFam showed up and wouldn’t let me run away. Without a conscious effort, single word, or specific action they grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the collective again and again. I am learning to be accompanied through Hayden and Sam showing me that our job is not to demonstrate our business expertise (cause we don’t have any lol); instead it’s fostering a space for a communion table of shared experience, inspiration, and conversation. I am learning to be accompanied by making apple crisp with Hannah. I am learning to be accompanied when Jeff forces me to be truthful when he asks how I am doing. I am learning to be accompanied by getting off my wall, passing through my messiness and shortcomings to understand that accompaniment, like leadership, is never done alone.
Lessons of accompaniment have been scattered throughout every day in Zambezi. There are some that I noticed and surely many that I have missed. One final moment in which I was taught a lesson in accompaniment occurred when walking a dinner guest out of the convent after a meaningful conversation over a shared meal. Gift, a Zambian, current convent arm wrestling champion, a walking testament of the power of forgiveness and hope shared his story with us. As Jeff and I walked him to the edge of the convent property Jeff explained the Lunda word kushinjikizha, to accompany part of the way. He explained this word to mean caring about the person next to you enough to walk with them part of their journey but trusting them enough to finish the journey themself.
I haven’t stopped thinking about this kushinjikizha since. How beautiful is it to walk for a period of time alongside someone knowing that you will watch them pass you and continue on alone? I believe that it demonstrates that something doesn’t have to last to have been meaningful. Gonzaga-in-Zambezi is a walking example of kushinjikizha. As I have walked through Zambia I have been accompanied by our Business & Leadership students, kiddos outside the convent walls, the Zambians who I now call friends, and by each Zag. Knowing that I will finish this journey on my own, while also knowing that I have their trust makes the next steps I take easier. I won’t forget the path I have walked. I will use it to influence the path I choose in front of me. I am proud to have accompanied for a while and have full trust that the rest of the journey, however complicated and messy, will be beautiful.
With love and gratitude,
Mary Pearl Haney
ZamFam 25 and Class of 2028
(a girl who has not yet broken Zambia and who hasn’t let Zambia break her)
Family and Friends of the ZamFam: Thank you for being with us every step of the way. Know that each of your names have been sacredly mentioned somewhere in Zambezi. You were the keys to conversations about loved ones, family traditions, and so many stories shared. None of us did this trip alone because each and every one of you was with us every step of the way. Thank you for missing your person so that we could know them and they could know Zambia. What a gift.
Murph: The Zambezi market is pretty much as far as we could get from wandering Zupans with orange juice together. Yet, I still can’t help but long to be walking the aisles with you, talking about nothing and everything. I ate a lemon cookie today and what I would give for you to be sitting next to me, telling me that we should definitely have a second one. This whole not seeing each other for 6 months thing is not so much fun… can we not do it again please? I am so proud of you as you start at KPMG. I know you are throwing together some killer business casual outfits (featuring the Stan Pants). Thank you for holding it down in the comments, your insights and updates mean the world. Love you and SEE YOU SO SOON!
Ween: I cry most times we read the blog comments and each time, when I start to feel bad, I know it is ok. You cried too. I will let them flow. So proud of you for tackling your new job with so much enthusiasm, the ZamFam (and me especially) has been rooting for you!
Slav: Thank you for practicing accompaniment halfway around the world. Not going to lie, your comments are a fan favorite over here. I am so proud that you didn’t kill Allison’s dog!!! I miss our 10am chats while you figure out the grind time on your espresso machine. I can’t wait for Facetimes while you make coffee and hearing about all of your bike adventures. 18 by Khalid played yesterday and it made me miss you and Hollender. Play some pickleball with Ken for me!
Grammy & Papa: I love and miss you both. I will have LOTS of photos to show you when I get back. I am so grateful to know that there are always hugs waiting for me in Bellevue. It means the world.
Haney Trucking Co: I look up at the night sky and think of you. I hope to one day admire the southern cross again standing next to the three of you. I can’t wait for farmers market Sundays, salmon dinners outside, and going on walks with you (shocking I know). You are the first people I think of when I hear a church choir practicing as I sit on the convent porch. You are the first people I want to tell when my class went really well or really bad. You three are the hugs I miss most before I go to bed. Thank you for the love sent via notes in my suitcase and comments on the blog. Sending a hug back and a real one will follow in the days to come. Dad: JURY DUTY! WHAT! Mom: you would love mass here, I think of you sitting in the pew next to me each time and it makes me smile. Ellen: I have been admiring the Zambian trees on your behalf. Happy happy early birthday, I can’t wait to celebrate you. I love you three bigger than the bathtub.
Mary Pearl-really appreciate this post about accompaniment and how often we struggle to allow ourselves to be accompanied or be truthful when we are struggling (glad Jeff is calling you and hopefully everyone out on that).
Thank you for your vulnerability and the image of you literally climbing the brick wall. It’s such a classic metaphor and yet you actually did it! I think we can all relate to wanting to climb that wall sometimes.
It was also super sweet what you said about the people responding to this blog. I hope you all have felt loved, missed and that occasionally we have given you some good material to work with for a few laughs. It has been a joy to read this blog and respond. It helps us feel like we are accompanying you-if even just a tiny bit. I definitely know it’s my way of coping with how much I miss Sean!
I’m thinking what else to write to make this super long and torture Jeff–deep down you know he loves that it takes two meal times!
Sean–this is the post from Gibby in response to your blog…I thought what he sent me was cute…about you being “young Sean”. LOL
Good Morning Sharon,
Thanks for providing the relay on this communication! You probably don’t know that,because there are two Seans that I do Kung Fu with, your guy is known as “Young Sean” 🙂 Well, here goes what I have to share for now.
Greetings Sean,
It took me a bit to figure out that the comment space was all the way at the bottom:) (and then I had a firewall issue that your mom is helping me navigate) As always, you are a marvelous writer and I appreciate the clarity with which you brought us all into the world in which you are immersed. Also, I am quite honored to have been referenced in your post and it is gratifying to see that the teaching is being incorporated so richly in your experience. After 30 years as the head of a classroom, I do not believe that you could have a better motto than “You can not lead those you do not love”. It has a wisdom that will only become truer and more eloquent as time goes by-it would be a good thing to have framed on your wall. I wonder if you realized that I had a sign at the back of the class, above all your heads, that simply said “Breathe”- it was my cue to find my center and my heart when y’all were acting like 14 year olds!
I often think about you and wonder what new experiences and challenges you are having. I have no doubt that this will be one of the pivotal periods of your life and I am so thrilled for you that you dove right in-just look out for the crocodiles:) Peace and love to you
Now, for the love of Buddha, get back in horse stance!
Mary Pearl- That was really beautiful. I know all of the Zags on this journey get to write what they feel and that we get to respond in kind. But I truly say this that your post explained the accompaniment that we here supporting you are feeling each day. The little look that you gave, (and each poster has shared) have allowed, moms, dads, siblings, family members and friends to share your journey whether beside you or not. I know I have enjoyed and celebrated the smiles I see in the pictures and I am imagining the things you are experiencing through all of the amazing post shared. I hope you know the joy you and your whole ZamFam have given to us not even there.
Lily – Miss you more each day but know that you are experiencing things that we can only imagine and I hope that you can speak from your heart when you get home.
It has been raining a ton here, but everything is now green and full bloom. Brennan got his golf clubs today and is trying them out before the rain gets in.
The Zags had a Team Egypt on campus today practicing for the World Cup. Mark Few and the AD attended. (thought you would want to stay in the Zag know)
Dad and I love you always and forever. He says TPWK…and keep figuring things out!!!
Lily…….White Sox are in 1st and Cubs are in 4th.
Mary Pearl, I love this post so much!! I can tell you do everything with so much heart and intention and this post is so well written.
Sam, I’m so excited for you to come home!! Meg and I have hundreds (if not thousands) of plans for us this summer, so we need to get started on them asap. Olympia is waiting for you!
Lily, I hope all is well for you in Zambia! Lots of goofy reels await your return to internet access.
Thank you for this post! Sam- I can’t believe you will be home soon!! I can’t wait to see you, we miss you so much. We are eagerly waiting to see your new and improved hair cut . I’m sure Meg did great. I have so many plans for us this summer! It is getting really hot here in Oly, so the lake is heating up. I’m sure you know what that means. I have a plan of all the things we need to bake this summer as well, like dot cakes (which you probably don’t know about). Wolfie has not been visiting much. I’m sure mom has lots of updates for you about who is moving in and out of the neighborhood. Tuesday is the day you get back, and the last day of school for me!! So we will be preparing a large vat of chicken Alfredo. I won’t let Dad add onions and I will make sure we get the good sauce, even though we are the only ones that can taste the difference. I miss you!!!!!!
Hi Mary Pearl! Thank you for being so honest about your joys and struggles through this experience. I love this idea of kushinjikizha (had to copy / paste there:). It is such a privilege to be a part of someone’s story. I loved how you illustrated the value in accompanying and being accompanied for part of the way; how trusting yourself and others to finish the journey on their own is an important part of the journey as well.
Taylor- As you prepare for your journey home maybe keep certain medications close by. Hoping for a hive free trip!!
Mary Pearl, Thanks for your explanation of accompaniment. It has been such a pleasure following along with all of your reflections about your experiences in Zambia. You have made me laugh and cry (but mostly laugh), and I was able to visualize at least a little of what you were experiencing. I love that you had to vote on how family style would work, and have enjoyed all of the inside jokes that have increased over the time you have been there. I wish you all safe travels on your journey home.
Whew! The firewall decided to get me one last time. I couldn’t remember what I said the first time. Of course, when I take a picture, it goes through.
Noah, Tomorrow is Cathleen’s last day of school. I think she is ready. She’ll be even happier after she finishes with report cards. We are looking forward to seeing you soon. I have a hug waiting for you. Be safe!
“Zambians live life family style” — I love that description, MP! From the story of convent meal times to the market experience, the home stays to the accompaniment dinner, family style truly is the way Zambians do life. I wish we did more of that here!!! Keep climbing brick walls, realize your place in it all, and then get down and back to your people who are ready to welcome you with open arms and listening ears. Let them kushinjikizha or at least for a moment.
As you begin preparing for reentry, I think one of the best things Jeff/James/Cade do to prepare you is practicing the 30-sec, 1-min, and 5-min spiel recapping your trip. I got to share Zambezi with my coworkers today (so special every time) and I think I’ve refined my spiel pretty well so thought I’d share, hopefully it will make it seem less daunting.
Me: “Yeah, I actually got to visit Zambia last summer with Gonzaga. We spent 4 weeks being immersed in the culture and spent most of our time in a small town on the west side of the country. I got to learn so much from the community and then got to help out with their English program at the local high school!”
Person: “Oh my gosh I bet Africa was awesome and so different from here. Did you see animals?!” (No, I’m not joking. Yes, this is a very common response)
Me: “ZAMBIA was awesome! We did get the opportunity to go on a safari before settling down in the small town called Zambezi. But really life in Zambia vs in California isn’t too different; except for the fact that the Zambian community is waaaaayy more present with one another and really loved chatting with strangers. We don’t get enough of that here!” The end.
MP, I’m so glad I got to hear your voice in this blog!!! Today, I got a staff shoutout card for doing a good job, and at the bottom, it had my director’s initials, which are MP. It got me thinking of you before I even realized you had written the blog today. Coincidence? I think not. Also, I am so glad my tearful blog experience has helped your tearful blog experience lol! No need to feel bad for crying, it’s our body’s way of expressing what words cannot (shout out therapy). I love you!
Love,
Weenie
5:59pm in California, 2:59am in Zambia
(A girl who has not yet figured out how to shorten her comments and who doesn’t plan to)
HI MARY PEARL (let me see you dance let me see you twirl- hehe). I love hearing you talk about accompaniment, being with someone for part of their story and trusting they’ll know the rest. Family style as the best style, and your approach in life with Zamfam in your every day.
You mentioning that you climbed the wall gave me a smile- I could picture it instantly. I really just love everything you write. Your post reminded me of when we were driving to Method for smoothies and talking about Zambia. Look where you are now!! And, it isn’t over yet, PLUS more will come even after you leave. I’m so happy for you and love getting a glimpse of your thought process throughout the trip.
I made it to Baltimore and I still love it here. The architecture, the lights, the humidity in a non-landlocked state. I easily took 10 pictures of my cousins’ front door and I think they think I’m insane. Aunt Steffy and I are going to D.C. tomorrow and I’m STOKED. I keep being asked what I want to see in a day and with such little time, and literally all I want to do is scooter around peeking at the main attractions, and imagine life with you here, Mary Pearl. However, I can’t really have that as an answer, so I’ll let you know what we see:))
I love you so much and HAPPY FRIDAY!
PS, I just have to put this out there cause it bothers me every night. I’ve gathered that Jeff is the one who reads these aloud? I really want to tell you/him that I’m so sorry for my grammar on these comments. It can’t be easy on the eyes all of the time. I write my comments the way I text, not the way I write essays. I see errors every night and cringe because I know better and want you to know that I know. Thank you.
Mary Pearl,
You remind me I spend all this time at the hospital really getting to know these people who I will never see again. Sometimes I’m the last person to wave goodbye when they walk across the rainbow bridge! It’s really a ridiculous task as in logically why on earth would I bother? It’s not for dollars or points or heaven or karma. I’ve been playing for years and I have never leveled up. Each time the next patient goes home or skittles off to the great green pasture I feel no remorse or regret.
When I walk into the next new patient’s room they are the most important interesting person in the whole world and I just can help asking every next question to figure out what’s wrong (the job) and who they are (the joy). I could save time by skipping the joy but holy barfola these are the only days I have been gifted and I’m not about to waste them!
So I find out about jobs and kids and parents and dogs and cats and trips and loves and losses. I just can’t help myself these people open themselves up to me and 10 minutes of honest authenticity is worth 10,000 hours of Netflix, Hulu, and Disney Plus. Emu will tell you I get burned out by the nights and weekend and holidays and long stretches and I lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling waiting for my heart to grow back. But after some naps and 30 hours of puppy videos I’m ready to DO IT AGAIN!
Emu, we’ve been missing you about 1.75 trazillion and we are looking forward to some shopping spree and 1, 2, 3 woooooo. Make sure everyone is there before they serve dinner love ooooooooo!
Mark-Mark
MaryPearl– thanks for sharing your thoughts with such vulnerability. I think what I will carry with me is the walking halfway and trusting that the other will find their way for the rest. That feels a bit like love.
Sarah, my sweet pickle. I’m writing and Bean will not stop getting in my face. And he is super fuzzy. He clearly misses you.
So is peanut butter your main protein? Truth, it remains mine. I did find a new one that is chocolate and peanut butter ground together. Sounds better than it really is, but not bad mixed in yogurt (ok, but what isn’t?). I’ll save some for you. I woke up today to find a bunch of deer in the driveway and they completely ate the flowers I planted– all down to nubs, funny but annoying. Your dad is firecely protective of the hill. When you get back, please tell him how amazing it is.
Tomorrow is DU graduation… the campus is actually really pretty with students taking pictures and everyone is hugging. I do love this time of year.
Sending you so much love, to the moon and back. GSDILY Momma
MP – I love this post, and especially your insights about how one side of accompaniment is allowing yourself to be accompanied and receive care. I’m not great at that, but I am working on it, and this is another way to think about it.
I really love the word “kushinjikizha” – the combination of presence and trust and that they are intertwined. Ems – It describes the way I aspire to be your parent- support and trust – sometimes more successfully than other times I’m sure. I am getting impatient -what?, me impatient?-for your return – you’d think I’d get used to it the longer you are gone, and it would get easier, but it’s actually the other way around.
News around here –
Elli confirmed she doesn’t lose her sign-on bonus if she changes units and is officially moving to the ICU at the end of August. Now she is in full on apartment hunting mode.
Mark is finally not working for a stretch of time and we are going to try to head up to FairPlay for a night to glamp, let the dogs go crazy, and decompress.
I got a new sewing machine which is very exciting – #late50’s
Nana fell and broke her hand, but fortunately it didn’t need surgery and she is in a cast. We took her to urgent care at DH, and Mark knew the doc that saw her which made the whole project a lot easier.
Love you so much and can’t wait to see you – mums
Mary Pearl,
Thank you for your honesty around your struggle with allowing yourself to be accompanied. The literal climbing of the wall and physical separation as you tried to figure things out on your own, and the beautiful ways the ZamFam showed up to draw you back and remind you that you were not alone. I think so many of us often forget to pay attention to the people in our lives that are willing to stay connected and walk with us when things are hard. Thank you for the reminder. And thank you for teaching us about kushinjikizha – I love that.
It’s been so fun reading this blog every day and getting little glimpses of what your experiences have been like. Thank you to all of you for taking the time to share so thoughtfully. I’m looking forward to seeing the pictures and hearing the stories, weaving them in with everything we’ve read and filling in the gaps. I know you all will be continue to process what you’ve learned for a long time to come and I’m excited for you.
Hayden – We got Riggs a new toy…it’s called a herding egg and he chases it all over the house with a little too much intensity. It’s pretty hilarious though. He misses you.
Mary Pearl, of COURSE you climbed the wall. If you haven’t yet, there’s another pretty cool thing you can climb in Zambezi and see something really pretty very early in the morning. What? Who said that? Sorry Jeff (I’m not at all)
Isn’t family style the best style? The pictures from your classroom and accompaniment dinner made me so happy. And the image of you all passing around those giants pots and endless bowls of fruit and jars of peanut butter—no words. Kudos to you for coming up with the left system, I don’t think we ever did that, and poor Becca is probably still recovering from scooping 20+ helpings of spaghetti. I am so proud of you for leaning in to moments of accompaniment, especially when it gets unclear. I think it’s so important to acknowledge that allowing yourself to be accompanied can feel ever harder than accompanying those around you. I am so glad you climbed down that wall and let Zags and Zambians pull you in.
Not sure if you realize it MP, but you are one of the best accompaniers (def made that up) that I know. You left me an entire envelope of challenges to complete while you were gone so I didn’t miss you too much. Last semester you never missed a Wednesday 7pm/10am FaceTime, even when I constantly had to cancel or reschedule. You listen without judgement anytime I want to tell you anything. You literally lifted me up on your shoulders to take those street signs. You ate cookies with me in the aisles of the backrooms last summer to keep me from killing Gina and Shane. You practice kushinjikizha constantly by always pushing me to be my best, showing up when you need to and letting me figure it out when you know I can. I have no words for how grateful I am to call you my best friend. In December we were in my car next to the Unsafeway and you told me that you could see that Zambia had changed me. I am so excited to see all the ways Zambia changed you. I love you so much and am so proud of your willingness to grow over the past month. See you so soon! Challenge 3 complete, and challenge 4 accepted.
Taylor: I have yet to stop getting Danish ads on Instagram, and I think that must be a sign?! We HAVE to go. There are so many places I want to take you. And maybe we can hop on over to Helsinki to scope out our potential future home?!
Love,
Caroline
ZamFam’25
Also MP, I drove home from Seattle today and all 3 mountains were out! I listened to Niall Horan’s new album and it’s fire. Okay, that’s all sorry for the essay of a comment
Passing to the left is the best (right) way! Hopefully Isa has shared how entertaing (frustrating) it is to eat family style with the Arredondo side of the family.
Isa, I picked up some samples for the new deck today. Now to make a choice….
We went to Nana Pifa’s for dinner tonight for Lucy’s birthday. And now Papa is watching the World Cup, in Spanish, of course. México won earlier today. I don’t even know who’s playing now, I just hear it in the other room.
Love you!
Mary Pearl,
Another great post. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest with the whole experience. From a parent standpoint it is great to know that you all are experiencing the full range of emotions while your there. And I think that there is something really powerful that you all get to see each other at baseline, high and low moments. And to learn that it truly takes a village or community for us to get through it. I really liked this simple line you said “Zambians live life Family Style and now so do we.” Wow that hit me hard. What a great summary for the Zam Fam 26 experience.
And thank you, for thanking all of us. I read every blog and every comment. I love this stuff. But it never really sank in how all of our collective voices from home have touched and shaped all of your experiences in some way. That is really special. Thank you for recognizing that.
Kathryn,
Charlie, Noah, Rucker and Joe are all in Denver for the tourney this weekend. They left yesterday at 6AM and drove straight there. They were supposed to spend the night in Wyoming. But they decided going to the Rockies game today was more important than stopping last night. So they powered through. They are all having fun and looking forward to the tourney. So that should be fun. On Tuesday he leaves for Ole Miss orientation. He is really excited. Jack is enjoying Salt Lake City in the summer. He and Joey have been golfing. Jack has his interview next week, so he is studying for that.
I found Maggie on your bed and then on your floor today. Winnie was camped out at the top of the stairs. And Steve is still walking around the house meow/yelling. I have not idea what he is so fired up about. But he sure has a lot to say and isn’t shy about saying it all at once. Needless to say, they will be excited to see you next week. And so are we! Enjoy your last weekend there. We can’t wait to hear all of your stories when you are back.
MP, love this. I have been thinking about accompaniment on and off since the Zambia info session at parents weekend in the fall. It feels like such a respectful way to live and lead. I love the idea of walking alongside someone for a portion of their walk.
Kathryn, wish I had a funny story to share. Soak up the last experiences and make some memories. And then hurry home. I’m so excited to see you. Love you!
As always a great thoughtful post. We certainly cannot get through life very well if we are without accompaniment. Good lesson!
We are counting the days here Olivia to hearing your voice!!!! Love you so much! I’m sure you are really taking in these last few days! Love you!
Hi Mary Pearl! “Kushinjikizha” This is not something I’ll forget any time soon!! Thank you for the post-everything reminded me of teaching middle school! Accompanying! I’m sending a message about this to staff!
Liv! I wrote so much but I hit the Firewall (maybe that’s on purpose for long writers! lol! I can’t wait for major coffee catch ups! It’s like the weirdest thing ever not to talk to you and I’m going to give you the biggest hug of your life when I see you! Are you really hosting a wedding shower the weekend after you get back? Oh my gosh Liv! That’ll be an adventure. So proud of you and all is well here! I’ve been saving you articles etc about Kale! Love you so much! Mama
Mary Pearl,
I will be thinking on the notion of kushinjikizha, “to accompany part of the way”, for several days I’m sure. Many theorist in my field, say that an individuals range of thought is limited by their known vocabulary. From that vantage point, I feel blessed to have possibly learned a new way of thinking. More importantly, I’m doing so in my 50’s! This gives me hope! 🙂 For real, thanks for sharing this and I am super impressed with how y’all are soaking up your experiences.
Graley, Today I had an amazing conversation with one of my collogues. Her husbands relatives live in Kenya and run a huge safari wilderness preserve. She was waxing on about her latest experience and it made me think of you and your lion sound bite that you sent us. She’s going there this summer. Anyhow, please enjoy your last days. Mom and I are lifting you up, hoping you are able to notice and celebrate The Light within the amazing people that you are meeting.
Blessings and Luv ya
Pops
Hi Mary Pearl! I am so glad you shared about kushinjikhiza – it’s a wonderful word. I’ll be thinking about it too. Thanks for sharing about the hard parts. You all have really been brave to open up. On the trip, with each other, and here too in the reflections you post.
Graley, I’m so excited to see you and I’m hoping you’ll play me some of the songs from this amazing Zambia playlist we’ve been reading about. Keeping this short to spare Jeff. Love you sweetie!
Mary Pearl, thank you for so much honesty and vulnerability here. It’s moments like sitting on a wall to avoid it all that we can gain a deeper understanding of what accompaniment means. I remember one day feeling really overwhelmed with it all, and Kathleen and I went on a decompression walk and met Esther, who ended up being her guest to the accompaniment dinner. But even without that wonderful happenstance, accompanying/being accompanied by Kathleen in that moment (and later Esther) were things I didn’t know I needed, and didn’t even recognize yet as a form of accompaniment. I’m so grateful you’ve had those moments with the ZamFam, through classes and apple crisps and passing to the left. Oh, and kushinjikizha?! What a stellar new learning for me today. It feels hard, counterintuitive even, to “abandon” someone halfway through their journey — but that’s not really what it is. It’s trusting them enough to see through whatever goal they’ve set themselves, believing that they alone have the capability and power to do so. Thank you for sharing this and for continuing to immerse yourself, letting yourself be accompanied and — I’m certain — accompanying others in just as powerful ways.
hiii meggyyyy! happy 4 years and 11 months friendaversryyyyy! YAY love and miss you!
MARY PEARL!!!!! Beautiful writing but of course I expect nothing less from you. You are such a wonderful person and you have a way with making everyone feel like they are important. I love that you are able to feel accompanied as you accompany others. I’m so looking forward to hearing all about the trip and VISITING YOU WHILE IM ABROAD!! You are such a wonderful friend of mine and I love you so so much.
Mary Pearl – oh my gosh, thank you for this. I loved every bit of your post today and yes again, tears. This reflection is so YOU. Your words about accompaniment and being accompanied are so important and real, and it helps us understand what you have been experiencing over these weeks. Your words have great lessons for us all in whatever part of the word we are. The wall – of course you climbed up there. I imagine you had a similar view as you do from that Magnolia tree at the beach. Not the specific scenery per se, but the reflection and the peace that comes from taking a moment to pause. Thank you for sharing about kushinjikhiza – what a word! You’ll need to pronounce it for us when you get home. And the meaning – to know that someone you have accompanied can continue the journey on their own. That is love!
St. Clare field day is today and the speaker is quite loud – we’re having fun laughing at the songs they have chosen. We will see you soon! Can’t wait for that. Hope you all are savoring your last days in Zambezi. Wishing you safe and smooth travels home in a few days. Love you lots!
Mom
Meg – you have a Phoebe Bridgers ticket waiting for you when you get home !(non-binding of course but Morgan and I got 3 with you in mind) Missing you so so much.
I’m going to miss reading the ZamFam posts when your journey ends! They are so beautifully written and all speak of lessons for life we can all draw from.
Liv- It’s a beautiful day here and the garden is calling! I’m sure your time there has passed quickly. Safe travels!! Can’t wait to lay eyes on you. Love you sweetie – Nana
Hi MP – Thank you so much for the post! A thoughtful, deep and brave post and I am so proud of you and how you are accompanying and being accompanied during your time there. Hard to imagine the many ways you have experienced this. I am sure you will carry these experiences and learnings forward and amazing how these things shape you in unexpected ways. I’m also sure that just as you are getting the hang of a place and then it’s time to come home. I suppose this is Zambia walking with you on this five-week journey and then trusting you to finish it. I also suppose that the finishing part is the tricky and long term part of this journey and maybe it’s a lifetime one. I am excited to learn from your experience and maybe change my own approach a little and learn to accompany and be accompanied more deeply.
I also appreciate how you shared some of the ups and downs of this trip. I know that most days you are thriving; and some maybe not as much. I am sure that you have faced the less thriving days with as much positivity that you could muster. You have great strength and I know you draw energy from others; it sounds like you are surrounded by love and support. You also probably have to muster a lot of energy for your goodbyes and for your long journey home. I know you can do it! We are anxiously awaiting your return. This left handed passing business might take some time to get used to and I am hoping this is not a colonial remnant. Booooo. You will have lots of big dinners this summer at the reunion and at the beach! Looking forward to you sharing how you navigated this in Zambia.
No other big news from here. Hoping to spend some time outside this weekend and maybe get to spin class. Mom and I are solo this weekend so we might go out to dinner or something crazy like that. Hahaha
Enjoy your final days there! We love you bigger than Victoria Falls.
Love, Dad
Oh Mary Pearl…you’ve done it again…laughed and cried as I read and re-read your thoughtful, kind, amazing observations and reflections…learning how to hold someone’s hand and then learning how to have your hand held. It is a lesson for us all.
Much love and looking forward to seeing you Tuesday. (I’ve been told that you will want a hot shower???)
Much love, Grammy
MP, your words are beautiful, as always and express exactly the person you are. You shared both the good and the challenging parts of your experience, something that is not always easy to do. Your ability to accompany others is one of your most special characteristics. You’ve accompanied me through both the easy and the hard things, whether it’s making me notes to open each day of the week when we’re busy and stressed with the chaos of school or simply being someone I can trust with life’s challenges.
I am not surprised one bit that you climbed the wall. It reminds me of the time Alli, you, and I almost got stuck on the rock hill at Bowl and Pitcher. I’m glad you made it back down lol. But ever more proud of you being able to feel accompanied in the accompany of others.
Kushinjikiza has a beautiful meaning, and I cannot wait to hear all about your time there. I know that every experience, no matter how big or small, has been met with grace, and that you have learned so much from each one. I can’t believe your time there is coming to a close, but I know the experiences and lessons from these past few weeks will never leave you. Love you Mary Pearl Haney! Looking forward to hearing all the stories.