Letting Go of Expectations

Prior to coming to Zambezi, I think that we all had a variety of expectations. Although we were encouraged to not hold onto these expectations, I’m sure that each one of us came here with at least one or two. I too came to Zambezi with expectations in mind as a student in the health section. For example, when thinking of a traditional Zambezi hospital I was under the assumption that it would be structured similar to an American clinic. With this in mind, I had further made the assumption that the hospital would be under resourced and too small for the amount of patients that it would receive. My first week here in Zambezi has both challenged my expectations, and in some ways has confirmed them. In this post, I hope to illustrate this understanding to loved ones back home and to personally unpack my experiences. 

This morning marked day four of daily trips to the hospital for myself, as I took yesterday off to conduct an interview. Each day in the Zambezi Hospital presents new and astounding learning experiences for myself and the rest of the health group. On day one, we followed Dr. Impande around the hospital as he did rounds in each ward. This first encounter with the patients of the Zambezi Hospital was somewhat overwhelming, while also exciting. We had no idea who these people were, yet their medical information was handed to us. Furthermore, the majority of the patients were excited to see us there, and were happy to see our smiles and have small conversations with us. The following day, we spent more time in individual wards, as we were hoping to build relationships with some of the staff. In my case, I was with Brynn in the pediatrics ward. The nurses were very welcoming and gave us some ideas of what to discuss in our classes. On our second day, we also had an introduction as to how things worked in the hospital. While having a conversation with the nurses, an emergency came up, as a young girl was hit by a motorcycle on the way to school. The nurses were prepared within seconds, and moved as fast as possible. Within ten minutes, a plan was set to care for the girl, and the children’s ward returned to its calm afternoon. The following day consisted of a similar experience as the first, as we continued to follow Dr. Impande and learn more about the inner workings of the hospital. These first four days gave me a surface level understanding of the set-up for the hospital. Today, in the experiences that I had, I dove deeper in this understanding. 

Our visit to the Zambezi Hospital started as normal, with the six of us walking to Dr. Impende’s office to great him, and then moving on to different wards within the hospital. Katie, Ana, and I were invited to watch a procedure in the female ward, while Brynn and Jackson went to PT, and Ani headed to maternity, where she met an amazing teacher and nurse. During the procedure, I think that the three of us felt privileged to be there, but also a deep disdain for bedside manners. As someone who is entering the medical field, I felt that the experience was the exact opposite of what I want to bring to the table when caring for patients. In this moment, I began to feel the complexities of Zambezi. My initial expectations of healthcare in the developing world were coming back to the forefront of my brain. I further felt the need to pushback against a system that allows for such oppressive and demeaning attitudes to be present in such a vulnerable place. With the emotions that I was feeling, I was struggling to accept that the situation was normal. We then left the female ward, and as I turned to share my feelings with Katie and Ana, we were immediately welcomed into the operating room to watch a wound redress. I would say the environment in the operating room was the exact opposite of our prior experience. In this space, the patient was excited to see us and talk to us before he was put under. The doctor and assistants were kind, caring, and respectful of the patient’s circumstance. In this space, there was mutuality between the patient, staff, and ourselves. We were all experiencing this together, and no one was left to the side. It was exactly what I strive to be in the future. 

After leaving the hospital and discussing my emotions with Katie, Ana, and Jeff, I felt that I was just running in circles. On one hand, I was completely condemning the hospital for its lack of respect and care towards the women. On the other hand, I was applauding the staff for the meaningful and superb care of an elderly man. Today has been my first real introduction to the complexities of healthcare in Zambia, and the first time I have been met with such a challenge. As I continued to mull this over, I tried to see from each perspective. The doctor who I felt was cold and cruel, was probably emotionally numb to the situation and very efficient. Then, the doctor who I felt was sweet and understanding, was also efficient, but had a more emotionally effective attitude about his work. While I continued to reflect, I could not help but to think of my expectations and how they were being exposed. Yes, the healthcare system in Zambia is understaffed and under resourced. Yes, not all of the patients are able to be properly cared for due to these circumstances. However, despite this the doctors and staff here are adaptive and multi-specialized. They have the means and ways to care for each person who walks through the door. The two doctors work exceptionally hard to provide for every member of their community, and should be an inspiration to each and every one of us. 

My experiences today taught me the dangers of my expectations. Now, I am not condemning myself for coming to Zambia with standards for how people ought to be treated in a medical facility. However, I am learning to accept that holding these expectations with me does not allow for personal growth. I came to Zambia to get a better understanding of healthcare around the world. By carrying my expectations with me, I have not allowed myself to be fully immersed into a culture that has faults, but is also so welcoming and beautiful. Last night in reflection, we read an article titled, “We See from Where We Stand”. In recollection of this article, I understand that by looking at Zambia through my American viewpoint, I am not integrating myself into the culture. My substandard viewpoint has allowed me to find everything wrong with the healthcare system, and has robbed me of experiencing the culture as an insider. Thus, as I continue on my adventure in Zambia, I hope to leave my expectations behind, and move forward with appreciation for everything this experience has to offer. 

Dear family, I love to all so much and cannot wait to give you all the gifts I got you! I miss you all and am looking forward to future lake days! Logan please do not forget to download “Bridgerton” for me, so I can watch on the plane. 

With love to all families, 

Julia Stanhope, Class of 2027