Mirrors are a rare thing for us to find here. In the convent, with four bathrooms, there are no mirrors. The majority of schools and other public places we have visited in Zambia, also, do not have mirrors.
Every time we pass a specific set of glass doors (the entry to a neighboring shop), we are all briefly caught off guard, stop, and comment, “Woah! I have not seen myself in a while.” When we visited the Heikoops’ home in Dipalata this past weekend, I used the bathroom and noted the pink toilet and the available toilet paper. I walked back out onto their screened porch and someone asked if I had seen the mirror. I was like, “What? There’s a mirror?!” I went to the second bathroom later in the visit and sure enough there was a mirror. I laughed out loud.
Mirrors have played a complicated role in my life. I think of two mirrors specifically. First, the floor to ceiling mirrors in the studio where I danced from ages 3 to 18. Dancing six days a week, constantly surrounded by mirrors, created ample opportunities for comparison. But, these mirrors have also been where I have found my joy for dance and music, embodied a character, made deep friendships, stepped out of my comfort zone, and seen my own students find the same joy for dance as I feel. Second, my bathroom mirror at home. In high school I struggled with acne. In their all-seeing way, mirrors revealed to me the imperfections of my forehead, nose, and chin. Yet, this same mirror, with the help of a purple hand mirror, allowed me to see the back of the double-dutch braids my younger sister, Kiki, had carefully crafted into my hair after much pleading. (I still rely on her for this.)
Mirrors are raw, honest, and transparent. They show us the parts of ourselves we want to see, the parts we don’t want to see, and parts we can’t see. Mirrors make us ask questions and are complex. They also don’t have to be literal pieces of glass. I have found many other mirrors throughout the past three and a half weeks, in the places visited and the people I have met.
In Livingstone, while overlooking the Zambezi River, watching a “traditional” dance performance, and sipping on a glass of champagne at the Royal Livingstone Resort, I realized I was staring myself down in a revealing way. The power and privilege that comes with being an American allowed me this specific experience that was very culturally contained. How close am I going to become at actually experiencing the true Zambia? Or will I just be a tourist?
In meeting my homestay host, I quickly realized the importance of friendship in her life. Lilian and Tayela have been friends since before they each moved to Zambezi. Their shared laughs, love of a good time, and easy understanding parallel of close friendships in my life.
In teaching at Chilenga Primary School, I am again reminded that I am a white American. The students on the first day of class were purposely smudging their faces on the chalkboard and rubbing the eraser onto their cheeks to smear the white powder over their skin with. This follows the actions of the constant request to touch my hair.
In exploring the Zambezi Market, I see my representation of wealth in full effect. Multiple instances kids have come up to me with hands outstretched asking if I can buy them some cookies or a bracelet.
In visiting missionary families at both Chitokoloki and Dipalata I was faced with new questions. Am I more like the missionaries or the local Zambians? The missionaries, with their more American style home and amenities of reliable running water, electricity, and food from familiar brands, like a fav of mine, Costco, stands out as obvious similarities. Their qualities of care and love for others, hospitality and generosity, and rheir dedication and hard work are all values I agree with. Yet, in conversation and principle there were some things that did not sit well with me – traditional gender roles and their seeming preference for isolation over true integration with the community, as examples.
In our own Zag community I notice reflections of ourselves in each other. The humor in our pranks and funny faces. The dedication for our own growth and that of our students. Our go with the flow attitude and adventurous spirit when the unexpected arises. The love we have displayed by the caring hand or hug when we need it most.
For my assigned chore this past weekend, “Random Acts,” I decided to explore the supply closet of the convent. I found paper bags, pipe cleaners, pony beads, construction paper, markers, glue, and to my delight, glitter! When all was said and done, I had created a beautiful, imperfect, complex mirror. The hope is that this Zig of Zags, and you, can see a part of yourself in this mirror.
All the best,
Lauryn Anderson
ZagFam 26
Class of 2028
Friends and Family Messages Time!
Jenny – Hannah, Lily, and I made gluten-free pancakes for breakfast the other day and it reminded me of the buttermilk heart-shaped pancakes you make on your favorite holiday, Valentine’s Day. ❤️
Joey – A group of us went to see the sunrise yesterday morning at the river. We got there at 5:40, not realizing sunrise wasn’t till 6:30ish. Oops. It gave us time to admire the southern hemisphere stars and the universal moon. Guess we are both making mistakes about the sky.
Kiksters – I love hearing all about the updates for your last week of high school! I hope you soaked up all the memories while playing at Stillwater and feel the support of the community while celebrating at the parade. I am beyond proud of you.
To my friends and family – I miss you and love you all to the moon and back!
Lauryn, I loved this post. I know I have had a love/hate relationship with mirrors my entire life. Only now as I am of an “older age,” do I care less and less about what I look like.
Katie G: the closer the time comes for you to come home, the more I miss you. I have never gone this long without giving you advice or sharing what’s happening with Benson Boone or the men’s basketball team! I have a feeling we will talk until we fall asleep when you get home. I love you, my sweet daughter!
Liv- I have some insane news to share!! I flipped my commitment and committed to the university of Kentucky!! You are going to love everyone there they are so excited to meet you, I am going on a visit there this weekend! I miss you and can’t wait to fill you in on everything! School is just about over for me thank goodness and i am so ready for you to be here I miss you and love you!!❤️❤️
Lauryn-Lovely post. Thank you. I’m curious about how Zambians think about their images if they don’t rely on mirrors in the obsessive way Americans do.
And Sarah, I hope you are enjoying your week. I’m sipping on a Kombucha in your honor (I found a new brand). I’m looking forward to cooking you all the good foods you want! What will it be first? Will you be showing off your cooking skills to us– are you still disastrous in the kitchen? (said with love of course). Miss you. And your messes. love you to the moon and back. GSDILY Momma
Lauryn,
Thank you for sharing, I adore your paper mirror! I can imagine that it’s been a challenge not to have mirrors for so long, but also quite freeing I bet. Also thank you for sharing the group photos – it’s fun to see the big smiles on all of your faces!
Hayden, Mumford was amazing, I can’t wait to tell you about it. We’re counting the days until we see you! I hope this last week is filled with lots of laughs and connection for all of you. Hudson is cherishing his last week of having the upstairs to himself. ha ha! Love you!!
The convent “mirror” is quite cute and creative. Isa’s mirror in her room has this verse on it:
Song of Songs 4:7
You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.
I love that she put it there as a reminder that we are beautiful in every way, no matter what that reflection may portray.
Isa, I went to Janice’s memorial service today. It was a great service for that sweet “old” lady.
Lauryn-I love your little handmade mirror and positive message. I used to go to a dance class that had no mirrors and I loved the concept of not looking at yourself in the mirror and worrying about how you looked-very freeing. I hope you are all soaking up everything you can in your last week together. I can’t decide if I want to do a really long post (to torture Jeff) or short post?? I guess I’ll keep it short-ish.
Sean-Gibby texted me–he has not been able to get past the firewall. I have (surprisingly) had no issues. He is going to message me something to post tomorrow morning and I will send that along. So probably will be in tomorrow’s blog post. Love and miss you so much! Can’t wait to see you in less than a week.
Lauryn,
This essay is beautiful. So honest. So vulnerable. So real!
Back in the days of the tape recorder I hated the sound of my own voice. Lots of people had this. Like anything, constant exposure takes the power away. Now when a friend or kid sends me a video and I hear myself I think “oh there’s that familiar muppet!”
I’m not hear to tell you how to live but if you save this essay and read it every June 10 for the rest of your life you’ll come to see a) how far you go in life and b) how awesome you were at 20 or whatever.
Emu, this house is missing your 50 gigawatt emotional power generator this summer! Come home and bless us with your chaos and stories and unbridled enthusiasm!!! Love you 1.8 million!
Mark Mark
PS I’m going to miss the ritual of holding my breath while I click “Post Comment” waiting to see if I will be rejected!
Ugh! As I just hit comment with a pit in my stomach, I second this sentiment. 🙂
Lauryn – I really love the handmade mirror. And I suddenly realize how many mirrors are in our house – most of them passed down from assorted dead grandparents and great grandparents. For some reason it has always seemed hard to give them away or donate them, but now I’m really thinking we should get rid of them. And I echo the question about how Zambians think about their images without them.
EMU! I can’t wait to see you soonish, although I’m guessing that you will be exhausted and Processing a lot – but we will be so happy to see you and will be glad to have you here regardless of your condition. Speaking of condition – My team at work had a three, yes three, hour long virtual interview for a project- where we had to all sit still on camera and smile – which was so hard – I realize I make funny faces when people say things I’m not sure about, and it was so much effort not to do that. So my condition is exhausted. Love you so much – mums.
Isa,
Less than a week until you’re back! Can’t wait to see you. I went shopping with Jake today for Luke’s bachelor party, getting all of our groceries. We leave tomorrow night and come back Sunday. We’re going to the Sisters rodeo on Friday which should be really fun. I love you!
Another Lauryn post, yay!!! I loved that you highlighted mirrors or the lack-there-of. It is one of those details that is hard to highlight when sharing stories about your time in Zambezi. Yet, you did a great job saying it all! Our stories are quite similar — right down to the comp dancing for all of childhood to dealing with acne and self-love. Not having mirrors for 3 weeks after 18 years of them everywhere was a shock I wasn’t expecting. I am so grateful for the lack-of though, I cared significantly less about the frizz in my curls or the acne scars I couldn’t cover and to get personal, I didn’t even care about the way my clothes hugged my body. I got home, and suddenly found myself getting embarrassed of my photos.. “my hair is all over the place” and “omg my face looks terrible”. It is in those moments, and even now when I catch myself thinking similar thoughts, that I remember how much joy was in my smile in those photos. The joy that overtook any fear of how I looked. The joy that kept me present. Someone last year did a similar thing with the replacing of mirrors with positive affirmations, it’s so special!!!
As I drive to work each day, I am quickly reminded that you all are going to bed. And now as I wind down for the day, you are just getting up. Life is so crazy that way (maybe this is a stupid thing to mention) but the fact that there is two very different ways of life happening at the same time reminds me just how feasible it is to live out Zambezi-lifestyle here in CA. Oh my gosh also, I had a matcha today with 31 grams of protein?!! Yup, 31 grams. Protein milk!!! And it was actually delicious. I was shocked.
Love,
Weenie
8:17pm in California, 5:17am in Zambia
Another fantastic post! Power of reflection literally and mindfully.
Love you so much Olivia! Was blown away when kale called us to say he was going to Kentucky! Wow how exciting!! That will be so fun for you to visit and such an amazing opportunity for him. Love you so very much! Excited to hear your voice❤️❤️❤️
Hi Lauryn! Okayyyy….I LOVE your creative, awesome, glitteryyyy new mirror! What an inspired idea. Love that you thought of that..You must be a..TEACHER?!?! lol! Also enjoyed your “reflection” (pun totally not intended until it was!) on mirrors and all the ways you took that in this post. Thank you for giving us this glimpse!
Love you Liv! Hitting the Firewall! XO
Thank you for the lovely and thoughtful reflection, Lauryn. I also grew up in dance studios, and being surrounded by mirrors certainly has its complications — so I appreciate the way that you created your own mirror that refuses to let anyone feel less-than!! Your attention to the presence and absence of mirrors as you reckon with being a visitor and guest in Zambezi gives us a small but tangible glimpse into the way this experience resonates beyond the trip in itself, so thank you.
Mary Pearl! Miss you bunches!! Dad and I finished The Godfather and The Godfather II but don’t worry, we’re not getting into any olive oil business… at least not until you’re home and we have The Family all together for big decisions. Still TBD on whether or not we’ll have a fully intact toaster in time for your return, but we’re working on it. Miss Nan says hello and big hugs — we went for a walk in Forest Park on Sun but are planning to get together again when you’re home — and same with Susie. She found the most adorable and hilarious pictures of the three of us when we were little, complete with some poofy twirly skirts of course! Noelle and Lucy and I are going to Pacific City for the weekend which should be wonderful. Can’t wait to hear about all the sights and smells and sounds of Zambezi when you get home! Lots of love,
Ellen
Lauryn, what an insightful reflection on mirrors and the roles that they play in western lives. It seems like a blessing for you all to have an experience of time without them around, and to not miss them! I love the art you made for the convent above the sink – it’s sure to get everyone off on the right foot with laughter and smiles in the morning!
Mary Pearl – we are so excited for you to come home – counting the days! And yet every day that you’re there, the adventures continue. I’m guessing you’ll have so many stories it will hard to get them all out! We can’t wait to hear them and to share hugs with you again! Will you draw me a map of Zambezi so you can show us all the places you have been? Have a great rest of your week. Love, Mom
Lauryn,
Thanks for the great post. No mirrors. That isn’t something that I saw coming. I’ll have to reflect on that.
Kathryn,
I took Winnie and Maggie to the the store today. They were on high alert all day in the new space. Once we got home they both crashed hard. They are going to be excited to have you back so that they can get some quality time.
Lauryn, what a wonderful post. I’m curious how many of your team found the lack of a physical mirror to be a catalyst for anxiety or a sense of freedom. Is a month a long enough to transition through such things? Kinda funny to think that a number of you have been sporting new hair styles without any notice!
Graley, wondering what you are seeing reflected back to you in your work at the hospital and in the unexpected conversations you might have had with your Zambian hosts. We are all good here. Starting to warm up. It’s going to be a wonderful 79 on your first full day back. Can’t wait to see you. Life is good!
Luv ya
Pops
Lauryn, I adore your creative mirror you designed! That is awesome, and and so is your reflection (hehehe, kinda punny) on your relationship with mirrors both in the United States and Zambia. Thank you for this!
MP: today my dad and I were in the doctor’s office and there was a huge streak of bird poop on the window. I knew he was looking at it from the moment we walked in that room, and so when it was just us, I asked him if it was bugging him. He said beyond belief. I thought of you cleaning our apartment windows and my dad said if you two worked together, you could get that thing to look crisp. He mentioned ladders and window cleaner- window business with Ken and MP? Food for thought.
On the other end, I probably told the whole world by the end of the semester, but you know how I kept complaining about my foot hurting? Welp, I found out that it’s been hurting so much because it’s been fractured this whole time which is bummer but explains a lot. There’s a few other things going on with my pancakes of dawgs, but I won’t blast my foot problems on this blog. Anyway, I’m rocking a boot. Maybe this will give you a chuckle: I’m going to Maryland tomorrow (fingers crossed I’ll pit stop in our future home, MP) with my Great Aunt Steffy. The kicker is that she is in her 80s and is using a wheel chair for convenience in the airport, and I will be pushing it. People are going to think we are a wreck, and when I told her today that my foot is broken she laughed, wheezing, saying that she’ll be pushing me. All of that to say, I’ll keep you updated and seriously wish us luck. Maybe send a prayer to the big man upstairs if you’re religious.
HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Claire I’m dying this is so funny. Praying for you, your foot, Great Aunt Steffy, and all the other patrons of the airport!
Lauryn, I love the “mirror” you made for your random act! I remember coming back from Zambezi last year and being startled every time I saw my reflection. For weeks I tried to spend as little time getting ready as possible so I didn’t have to stare at myself in my bathroom mirror. I also remember telling someone that I had just gotten back from studying abroad, and was getting used to mirrors again because the place I was living hadn’t had any. She responded “oh those Europeans, they focus so much on natural beauty.” I stood there not saying anything because I couldn’t even begin to formulate words. But I’m sure her response would have been different if I had told her originally that I was in Zambia, not Europe. I think that the lack of time we spend thinking about our physical experience in Zambia manifests in more effort put into relationships, learning, growing, and loving. We focus on seeing ourselves reflected in others and them in us, not the in the mirrors in front of us. I agree with Weenie that when you look back on all the photos you’ve taken you will focus on the joy and love you felt, not the way your hair or clothes looked.
MP: day 2 of Seattle training is done! I spent all day looking out the window at the planes and cruise ships going by. You would love the view of the office and I have made it my goal to work here after graduation. I even met with my recruiter to talk about changing offices. After work I got to see my cousins Natalie and Katie, who just got back from her honeymoon! We got to debrief the wedding and talk about what it would be like to all live in the same city again. So now my only question is…do you think I can live with Grammy and Papa?
Taylor: there’s a Scandinavian bakery and coffee shop right across from my hotel and I had my first cardamom bun since being back from Copenhagen this morning. It was amazing and made me even more sure that we have to WWOOF in Denmark. I’ve been doing some research and we have a couple farm options! They are all organic and most of them are just vegetables and stuff. It can’t be too hard, right?
Love,
Caroline
ZamFam ‘25
PS: Taylor, I am now realizing that we have real experience as Chipego’s cabbage farming assistants! The Danes won’t be able to refuse us with that on our resumes…
LAURYNNN!!! this is so beautiful. i have always admired your ability to observe and reflect on everything around you. i have always appreciated this quality in you and in our friendship. me and the rest of the singh fam miss you lots!! can’t wait to see you soon. i’m so proud of you and all the big leaps you’re taking 😉 love you!!
I was waiting for another Lauryn post! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. What you wrote is so relatable and important to say.
P.S. Richie has literally cried reading the stories everyone has written. It’s bringing back memories and feelings of his time growing up in Nigeria. And I got his permission to say this. 😉
Lots of Love to all!
Hi Lauryn! I love how you described the complexity of mirrors when you shared that , “They show us the parts of ourselves we want to see, the parts we don’t want to see, and parts we can’t see.” Your writing so clearly captured how the entire ZamFam is using this time to “look in the mirror” without looking in an actual mirror. There is this constant spirit of self assessment and growth happening that I really admire. Most of all I adore your new convent mirror and honestly think our days might be better if this was the message and view that greeted us each morning!
Taylor- I went on a hike tonight and saw a beaver and turkey vultures! I also hiked with the most eclectic hiking group ever…a retired physical therapist, a postal service mechanic, and a wildflower seed salesman. It was an easy night to work on my orientation of curiosity.❤️
I absolutely love this photo of your new mirror! It really speaks to me and I’m now inspired by the idea of what I could put up in place of our own bathroom mirror. How might we go about our days if we set out from home for the day after looking at something other than ourselves.
Graley, tonight I went for a walk at Fox with Amy and we ran into Jody walking your old friend Bucky. We all ended up hanging out in Amy’s yard and I heard that Lisi has gotten lots of scholarships! I checked your emails this morning and you are officially on the schedule for work with a nice note about your return. Work is not till Friday and it sounds like we will all have Thursday off together before that, even Finn. I imagine you’ll be having a mixture of feels about coming back and that is super normal even though it’s hard. We’ll be here for all of it. Love you sweets!
Lauryn — huge fan of this mirror addition to the convent. What a stellar random act (and makes me so curious about all the other kindness projects you’ve enjoyed). Getting used to mirrors again was certainly an unexpected side effect of the Zambezi trip. Like Caroline said, it certainly has the effect of making you focus more on connections and relationships, but I’m really pondering this idea of seeing yourself reflected — the good parts, and perhaps sometimes the more complicated ones — in the people around you. I also remember the uneasiness of feeling comfortable while visiting missionary families (shoutout Ice Spicy), and the “Costco” moment for me was goldfish crackers. It is also undeniable that parts of us reflect certain ideas to the people around us, and it makes me more eager to break past those first glances to reach a deeper level of relationship. Like Taylor said yesterday, to learn about the human that sits behind each set of eyes, or perhaps every set of reflections and assumptions. Looking forward to the last few reflections (and even reflections about reflections!) on life in Zambezi.
Lauryn!! I feel so blessed to read two blog posts written by you from your time in Zambezi. As usual, I am blown away by your beautiful writing, and am so proud of you.
I love your homemade mirror! So creative and fitting for your post. You are going to be such a great teacher and are going to bless so many future kiddos.
Today was a busy day, Elementary walk, parade and slideshow. Can’t wait to tell you all about it and show you pics when you come home.
And wait until you see the new artwork we have of Kiki that Hugh painted. LOL!!
Grandma Linda purchased a new car! She will be heading over on Friday for graduation.
I’m counting down the days until you are home and NOT calling me Jennie but Mom.
I love being your mom, Lauryn Grace. See you soon!!
Lauryn Grace,
Love your theme on reflections and mirrors. All I know is a part of me is a long way from me, but yet feels so close when I read your posts and see your photo. You are your own beautifully unique person, but also a reflection of your family, friends, and mentors. And you always seem to reflect the best side of all of us. Proud to be your dad and can’t wait to see you in a week. What an experience you are all having!
Love you TTMAB!
Lauryn, another great post. The “mirror” was such a creative idea.
Lily, miss you and love you. Everyone is well. Enjoy and cherish your final days. Cubs lost again.
Such a powerful reflection Lauryn. Is it a nice break to be away from mirrors? It feels like it would be, but at the same time it is hard to imagine.
Kathryn, Soak it all in during your last few days. Can’t believe you will be home in less than a week! Love and miss you.
Lauren, This was a great reflection on mirrors. I have found that my children have been a mirror to me over the years. And I don’t always like what I see. I also love that Random Acts was an assigned chore. That is so great. I hope you all have the best last days in Zambia.
I wanted to say that while I have really enjoyed reading all of your reflections about your journey and it has made me feel closer to all of you, I have also loved reading all the comments from your friends and family as well. Thank you for this opportunity to “journey” with you. I will miss it, but I am looking forward to seeing you soon Noah.
Lauryn, your post was beautiful. The way you reflected on mirrors — how they’ve shaped you, challenged you, and how different life feels in Zambia — truly moved me. I miss you so much and I’m unbelievably proud of the woman you’re becoming. I can’t wait to see you soon and help you kick off the summer daycare program. The kids are waiting for you!!!!!
Thanks for the post today Lauryn! Amazing how the simple things, like mirrors, are missed or not when in a different culture and place. I envy your time there without these things and even more when I think about being without a phone and other technology. It seems like the reflections and good memories are what you will cherish the most!
Hi MP, counting down the days until you get home! We are so excited to have you back and I’m excited for our drive back to Portland so I can get the first download of memories from your time in Zambia. Of course, we will have to save it all for E and Mom. Hope your last few days and your packing for home go super smoothly.
We are going to a concert tonight for my birthday. Going to see a classical guitarist which is something new and should be fun. Going to be hot here this weekend and E will be staying cool at Pacific City with her friends. Mom and I are going to see a band on Saturday night and other than that are laying low and enjoying the 90 degree weather.
Back in the office today which is a transition from jury duty. Glad to be back in my normal routine and we are going to watch some World Cup today at lunch – Mexico v. South Africa. It should be fun to watch all this unfold. Everyone was at the NBA game last night including Taylor. She was courtside with some friends and the Knicks came back from being 29 points down to win it. Very exciting. Game five of the Stanley Cup final is tonight with that series tied two games to two.
Hope you are doing well and enjoying your time. See you soon! Love, Dad
Beautiful pictures!! Miss you, Meg. SEE YOU SO SO SOON! Reminder: keep writing away in the journal of yours. Not much of a life update here, lots of work and MCAT. I went to the walk-in orthopedic clinic today because I have an IT band issue… right when I start to lock in on lifting, of course. It’s not serious but you will catch me on that home exercise grind. I think we might get a tornado warning tonight – not shocking whatsoever. The temperature has been fluctuating like CRAZY and the air is just genuinely so dense. I’ll keep you posted.