The Other Side of Fear

Hello friends and family! I know that I speak on behalf of the entire Zambezi 2013 group when I tell you that we miss you all very much and hope everything is going well at home.

Believe me when I say that leaving my loved ones at home and coming to Zambia was a challenge for me. This is coming from the girl that used to call her parents in the middle of the night to come and pick her up from slumber parties and who cried for a week straight at summer camp because she was so homesick. In addition, I was also the sole WSU Coug amongst a team of all Zags that I had met a grand total of two times prior to our departure. So what in the world was I doing on an airplane headed 12,000 miles from my home in Spokane, Washington? In all honesty, I was crying out of overwhelming fear.

One day, when I was having, for lack of a better term, a total and complete freak-out at home about going to Africa, my mother bestowed upon me probably some of the best advice I will ever receive. (P.S., this woman has a quote for everything, so this one must have been good). As I looked at her with fear and tears in my eyes, she calmly looked at me and said “Delaney, everything you want is on the other side of fear”.

This statement could not have been more true. I reflected over my life and thought of all of things I had been so terrified of, but had ended up drastically changing my life for the best: graduating high school, leaving my childhood home to go to college at Washington State, and falling in love. Now, it was time to go to Zambia. I thought about how I had wanted to go to Africa for service work ever since I could recall. I honestly can’t even remember the first time it crossed my mind. Other children wanted to be doctors, firefighters, or astronauts. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, just that I wanted to do it in Africa. So what was I so afraid of? Change, I suppose. Was this really what I wanted to do? If so, this was just the beginning.

During our first meal at the convent in Zambezi, I could not help but notice that the serving dished were decorated with poppies, which have long been my favorite flower. Poppies were first placed on the graves of fallen World War I soldiers and have come to represent the transition between death and new life. I like to think of them as a symbol of the end of life as a person knows it, one of the most powerful processes of change. As I spend more time in Zambezi, I begin to see and feel a significant change within myself and the way I perceive the world. I find myself asking questions and constantly contemplating the answers. What are the problems in Zambezi? What are the solutions? How can they be achieved? What is needed here? One of the wise women here, Mama Love, told the group that in order to create change, a person must ask himself/herself these questions: “What do you want to do? Where do you want to do it? Find the gaps. Mobilizing the community is the first step.”

I came to Zambezi planning to create change. How arrogant of me. As nearly half of the trip has passed, I have come to realize that it is in the hands of the Zambians to save Zambia. As the Gonzaga Zambezi 2013 Team, our job is to mobilize the Zambezi community, to set sparks in the minds of its citizens. I have heard that a true leader is not someone that people merely follow, but rather a person that inspires people to pursue and accomplish a task themselves. I believe that this, inspiration, is our task at hand. Over this next week and a half we must do everything in our power to help build leaders that will inspire their community to improve their community and create social change here in Zambezi.

Today, several other students and I were given the opportunity to visit an orphanage in Kabulamena called the Falconer Children’s Home. This orphanage was established by an English woman by the name of Lillian Falconer in the 1940s. When she passed away, the first orphans that she took in began to run the home in her place. As I looked around, and watched the children play in a tiny room pink room with a single nurse, it hit me. The needed change in Zambia must come from within. I began to see the future of Zambia in their tiny faces and hands and it was, put very simply, overwhelmingly powerful. I realized that it would not come from the Gonzaga Zambezi program or any other organization. Of course, as human beings, we are obligated to do what we can to assist and promote this change, but ultimately, it is up to the beautiful and ambitious minds that I have witnessed firsthand in the leadership classes and that I am sure other students have seen in their sectors.

This is what has truly inspired me here, the resilience of the people in the face of all conceivable forms of hardship. People so desire to change and improve their lives and the lives of those around them. It is this ambition that has the potential to change Zambia and life as the people here know it.

Well, goodbye for now everyone! We’re headed to a social and movie night! We are heading to a rural village named Dipalata for the weekend, so we will not be blogging until Sunday night. Love you family and friends!

Delaney Dorsey, Class of 2015

 

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28 Responses to The Other Side of Fear

  1. Lynda McCann says:

    Delaney! Thank you for inspiring me with this post! I absolutely LOVE that quote from your Mom and will use it again! Often in life when we are handed challenges and things that we are afraid to do, the easy thing to to do is quit…or not take on the challenge. I’m so happy to see that you were stronger than the fear and that you have seen and learned so much…while reading your post I actually envisioned all the children’s faces in that tiny pink room and I smiled (and teared up) thinking how wonderful that you have the insight and hope for Zambia that the change is in their hands. That image may have been overwhelmingly powerful, but so is your blog! I thought again what an amazing group of people you all are to have given up half of your summer to put aside your comfortable homes and to leave all your fears behind! Again…THANK YOU EVERYONE!
    Have a wonderful weekend in Dipalata…I will miss your posts but look forward to hearing more next week and seeing more pictures…keep taking lots!
    I MISS AND LOVE YOU Katie! (((Hugs))) to all! Xoxo

  2. Lora Trujillo says:

    As we get ready to travel to graduation celebrations I have your wonderful entry to reflect on. Your mom’s quote, which you now pass on to us is a lesson for all of us. Thank You!

    Mateo, of course you will be with us in spirit in Albuquerque and Vegas with the rest of the family. Love, love,love you! ~Mom and Dad

  3. Christian Hoag says:

    “Everything you want is on the other side of fear” What a great quote, thank you for sharing that. It is so 100% true. It’s something that I have begun to realize as I grow up, that we are defined not by what is given to us easily and freely. Instead our characters and personalities, who we are as people, are defined be the adversity and fear that we overcome. It is so great and reassuring to hear about that coming to fruition in you! I hope and pray that you keep it up! Have fun and be safe!

    Conner, I’m sorry I haven’t said hi to you yet man!! I hope you are having a great time, and doing a lot of great things for the people over there. Be safe man, and don’t forget to take care of Katie for me! haha Also, Austin says “your spot on the couch is empty here in the house.” We miss you man, can’t wait for you to get back and come hang out! Can’t wait to hear from you man!

    Katie, I hope you are doing amazingly well. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. I drove to Spokane yesterday to move into the house. It was weird driving by myself… It would have been really nice to have you as company, but also because we would have gotten there so much faster if you were driving 😉 While I was home though, I got put to work moving 20 yards of bark, and edging the lawn… It was GREAT!!…. (for reference, the tagro I moved last year in your yard was about 1.5 yards) I can’t believe it’s only been just over a week… Feels like you guys have been gone for months. I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET BACK. But I guess you will be back sooner than you know! 😉 Thinking about you all the time! And praying for you all the time too! Please continue to be safe, and have a great, amazing, wonderful time. I love you Katie to Zambia and back!!

  4. Liz Rico says:

    Thank you all for sharing your blog posts. It’s fun to read about your experience, what an exciting time for you all!

    Hayley Medeiros, I really hope you’re enjoying your time in Zambia (I’m sure you are!) God is good and I know he’s working through you to display his grace as you embrace this experience. We miss you and look forward to the many stories you will share with us when you get home.

    Love, Liz
    P.S. Dad, Bobby and Jack all say hi and they love and miss you! 🙂

    • Melanie Denning says:

      Hayley! Love your guys’ blog! So informative and touching! Compared to one significant’s “lack” of blogging!:) Can’t wait to hear the two of you share Africa stories with us this summer! Take care! We miss both of you!!!!!!! M, C, B & (K too) !

  5. Larry Newman says:

    It’s awfully fun to read all the different perspectives about the journey. Each one of them conveys different experiences and more interestingly the reactions to those experiences. It’s a real pleasure to go and check for the latest updates and get rewarded with a new one. Thanks for putting your thoughts down on “paper”. I know it must be kind of hard. I’m looking forward to hearing yours Megan, obviously it will be the best!!! Ha, ha, ha, that’s a joke. We’re still missing you a lot and we’re looking forward to seeing you again. Andy is still playing soccer with the Seawolves, Katie has a soccer meeting at Blanchet soon and Charley is gearing up for Georgia. Mom and I are still our boring selves. We joined the Y again. That’s all the news I’m gonna share.

    Love ya but I gotta go,
    Dad

  6. Tom Hobson says:

    Enjoy the movie and have a great weekend away from ‘home’ everyone!

    Michael, love and miss you! Dad

  7. Kevin McCann says:

    I want to thank you all for the detailed and insightful blog posts that have been posted each day. I’m not sure you can truly appreciate how much it means to your families and loved ones to hear from you and hear about your experiences.

    Katie – I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to comment on the posts for several days but I was at a management retreat all week. I am torn between reflecting on the posts that I have read this week and just sharing news from home…. Since you mother has already focused on the posts, I will give you news from home. Everyone is well and counting down the days for you to return. Kourtney has a serious case of “senior-itis” and has calculated her remaining time in high school down to the last hour. We have scheduled her graduation party for after your return (June 22) and will be spending the better part of the next few weeks getting the yard ready. Wendy got to tour Meeker Middle school earlier this week and is very excited to start middle school next year. She has only two more softball games left in the regular season before the All-Star games start. Her team has steam-rolled through the season and has only lost one game (to a team we later beat handily). Your mother spends most of her waking hours hitting “refresh” on her computer with the hopes that the next blog will appear. To say she is obsessed might be a slight understatement . As for me… I was victorious in my most recent trial and am a finalist for the judicial position I applied for before you left. I am hoping we will have word of that position before you return from your adventure.

    We miss you very much but are proud beyond imagination of how you have pushed through to the “other side of fear” and are pursuing what you want. I can’t wait to read your post on the blog when your turn arrives. Until then, we are so impressed with the quality of posts from your colleagues in Africa. Each of you are amazing ambassadors for Gonzaga and make me proud to be a Zag and fan of at least one Coug (Delaney).

    Enjoy each moment you have in Zambia. Travel safely and make great memories.

    Love – Daddy

  8. Brady says:

    Zam fam 2013,

    My thoughts and heart go with you to Dipilata — this was one of my favorite memories from my time in Zambezi.

    Sending love your way!

    Josh – thinking of you, Shawna, Grace and the family as Delaney described the beauty of Falconer Home. Hoping that you are dancing, laughing, and learning with a full heart.

    -Bread

  9. Vince Sutton says:

    Two great quotes in the last two days. One related to what do we plan to do with our lives and the other saying that part of that plan will probably involve facing our fears. Excellent reminder to us back here in the U.S. that we get to make choices every day involving our plan and our fears. And though our setting is more routine than yours the decisions can be just as important. Thank you for making us “think.”
    Garrett, we are so glad you have taken this journey. Looking forward to hearing all your stories in person. Love you, Dad

  10. Sara Wendland says:

    Ally- not sure if you guys already read the comments from your post, so I’ll write in this one just in case:

    First, I miss you and love you so much! When Barney and I go on walks in the forest we feel like we’re in Africa so we look for you. We haven’t found you yet, but we’ll keep searching I promise.

    I got goosebumps reading your post because, once again our brains thought the same thing at the same time. Since I last talked to you 10 days ago, I have been brainstorming and searching for a way to help you take all the inspiration, passion and frustration you will experience on your trip and turn it into action. Strangely enough I finally found a way to help you three hours before you posted your entry. Even stranger- it is entirely centered around the specific quote and concept you based your reflection on, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I can’t wait to tell you more about it when you get home.

    Needless to say, it’s been a struggle not being able to talk to you Ally, but moments like these help me understand that somehow we don’t necessarily need to talk to each other to communicate our thoughts and feelings.

    I know it can be exhausting and extremely draining, but you’ve got to stay absolutely committed to learning. Not just for you, but for the people you will go on to affect as a result of this educational experience. Because you will Ally, you will affect people; not only will your one life be wild and precious, it will also be influential. It already is in so many ways to so many people. I feel so ridiculously blessed to have been one of the recipients of this profound influence. I can’t wait to talk to you but until then use your eyes, ears, brain and heart as fully as you can.

    Love you like crazy,
    Swendy

    PS- Megan Haley M Haley B Hanna Conner Katie Jason and Mateo: I am so proud of you guys and have been praying for you every day. Can’t wait to hear more reflections, until then…

    Gotta go,
    (Mr. Newman please note the state of Oregon as an official user of the phrase. I think our next step is to copy write it and make you a billionaire)

  11. Steve Watson says:

    Delaney,

    What a wonderful piece of equipment to take with you on this adventure…”Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” As someone who has his own set of fears from time to time, I’ll be reflecting on those words for some time to come! Your post gives a beautiful voice to how you’ve taken those words to heart, and as you travel to Dipilata, you’ll find some amazing things on this new road. I still have some video from a bonfire/sing that gives me goosebumps! You mentioned your change in perspective and I applaud you for acknowledging that. Don’t be surprised if it changes again as you live this experience. Right now you have inspired me to check my “vision” and see how I perceive those around me. Thanks for sharing. May God continue to richly bless you all.

    Steve Watson

    P.S. Casoombe coolie?

  12. Hikaru says:

    Delaney, the first quote that came to mind was, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” And I agree for the most part. I hope you are finding a sense of home among the Zags and feeling welcome! Josh, I love that this program is continuing to grow. This is amazing.
    Ally, your post was amazing… It made me question my calling and what I want to do with my life, for others. Jesuit education gets to the best of us 😉 I’m watching season 7 of Grey’s Anatomy so imagining scrubbing in/getting to watch a surgery must have been SO cool! Another quote, “We all belong to each other” -Mother Teresa
    Lots and lots of love to everyone 🙂

    Hikaru

  13. Monte Marti says:

    Thanks for the post. Your reflection on fear is a reflection on life. Fear is around all of us ~ each and every day. However, it is how we react and adjust to fear that can bring us all to a very special place in our lives. You are all experiencing that special place. Enjoy and embrace it all ~ including fear. You make me smile. GOD BLESS! Monte

  14. Natalie says:

    Enjoyed sifting through the blog posts- nostalgia for Zambezi. Hope that everyone is doing well. Wake up early, stay up late. Doodle in your journal the smells, sounds, and colors. Josh- sweat a run for me please! Hi to Mama K for me. I miss her. XX

  15. Morganne McCann says:

    I have so much respect for this group. Like you said Delaney “everything you want is on the other side of fear. There are a handful of people that actually do what you guys are doing. I cant imagine how how scary it was to step on that plane to leave to Zambia. But on the other side of the world you stepped into is going to be one of the most important things in your life..changing the world! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME !

    Katie, I serious think about yo all the time. Oh…and Christians comments make me cry. hahahahah award goes to crusty. atta boy. But I hope you have so many amazing memories and stories to share! I see you in the pictures…and I am like…dang mu cousin/best friend on this earth is beautiful! I bet the little kiddos are so drawn to you!

    John Mayer is waiting for you 😉 Love and miss you so much girly. COME BACK SOON.
    Love, Morgy

  16. Nana and Boppa says:

    Thanks to all of you for stepping out of your comfort zone to share love and hope with the Zambezi community. We know that you will take home with you even more love than you carried there and your life will be forever impacted by this experience. Every year we look forward to reading the blog because it causes us to think about our lives and what we can do each day to serve those around us. Lucky for us, while you are in Zambia with Josh, we have gone to Spokane to spend time with Shawna and our grandkids. Keep up the good work and we will keep you in our prayers.

  17. Kathleen Boyle says:

    Delaney- what a great description!! You have truly inspired me with your courage, your spirit and your fabulous humor that seems to get you through so many difficult or stressful times!!
    I love you and miss you! Can’t wait to see you!
    Love You- Auntie Gus

  18. theo house says:

    Delaney, I would like to commend you on such a wonderful reflection! To face fears can be so challenging, but the rewards of the accomplishment so uplifting. Your desire to inspire the Zambian people is truly a gift you can bless them with. God speed with your work. I am not the best with words but I would like to thank all of the group for the time and effort they have, and will put into these posts. They truly help to keep us in touch with our loved ones that are so far away and to get to know a little more about the friends they are with.
    Conner, all is well at home. we miss you, hope you are well, and are counting the days to see you again. Enjoy your last few days as a “teenager”. Love you, Dad.
    P.S. Your jeep is fine. ( sorry you cant get a “pic” of it in Africa)

  19. Tom Dorsey says:

    Delaney, What a great post. Hope you are settling in to Africa. Don’t know how such a great writer came from this family as I am terrible and it takes me hours just to write the few lines I am writing here. Looking forward to getting you back home and celebrating the Fourth of July. From your blog I know you are doing great work there. Looking forward to seeing you soon!
    Dad

  20. Erin Dorsey says:

    Delaney,
    As your mother, your post takes my breath away. Seeing your smiling face and reading your refection, gives me such joy. You truly are a gifted writer. I have never understood your longing for Africa. As you noted in your post, it became a part of you at a very young age. Honestly, I had hoped it would pass. There are much easier and safer choices. I still remember the day in October when I asked one of my students, Dane Breslin (for those of you who know him) what he was doing this summer. Once he told me about Zambia, I knew you were meant to go. He ultimately chose a different program, but Zambezi was clearly the choice for you. There were so many opportunities between October and the moment you boarded the plane at Sea Tac for you to decline. No one would have blamed you. But you said “Yes” and moved past your fear. To your Zag colleagues who welcomed you so warmly and to Josh who accepted you into the program, I’m deeply grateful. You know how much you are loved. Your Dad and I are so very proud of your courage and kindness. We look forward to hearing all the stories that you will tell for the rest of your life. Take care of yourself and your Zag friends. Be safe. We surround you with our love and prayers. And remember what I told you, time and distance are an illusion.
    I love you.
    Mama

  21. Lori Newman says:

    You are all amazing young adults..Megan I miss you so much, but in my heart I know you are at home in Africa. You are around a group of people who want the same experience in Africa that you do. I read Delaney’s blog and it reminded me that you are going to Nicaragua under the same circumstances. You don’t know anyone, but that is the exciting part for you. I applaud all of you for “moving past your fear”, not many people can do that. I am envious because of the culture you are experiencing and envious because I know I couldn’t do what you guys are doing. I was trying to talk Megan into a trip to North Dakota instead of Africa. I’m still puzzled why that wasn’t as inviting to her, ha ha..

    I know all the families miss you guys, but this trip will go fast and the memories will last forever. Enjoy creating the memories. Take care…

    Love ya Megs,
    Mom

  22. Amanda Schmitz says:

    Hey Zags in Zambezi!!!

    I love reliving Zambia through your eyes and words! Your insights, fears, loves and laughter bring me back to the convent and the long dirt roads of Zambezi. LAUREN!!! I just read your blog, it was soo wonderful and I am so glad you are making meaningful relationships with the kids! I hope this has been everything you have wanted and dreamed of!! I know how much comments meant to us when we were there, so I hope this brightens your morning a little 🙂

    You guys are probably feeling so at home in Zambezi, and that is one of the most amazing parts of this program, but make sure you are still pushing yourself to go outside your comfort zone. Some of the most amazing memories will come from your personal discomfort. Watch a beautiful sunset and give Mama Kuwatu a hug for me!

    Sending so much love,

    Amanda Schmitz,
    Zambezi alum 2011

  23. Andy Newman says:

    Megan,
    I hope you know that Mom and Dad have been bugging me to write you ever since they got home from the airport, so here it is: I hope everything is going absolutely wonderfully in Zambia and you are getting everything you wanted out of the trip and more. I also would like you to know that I am having an incredibly boring summer at home without you, SO I hope this was worth it, ha ha ha (typical mom laugh, can I get an AMEN?). I am still playing with this summer team and in fact, we are playing the Sounders (the real MLS team) tomorrow night and I should start! Other than that, I am searching for a job and applied at Turnpike only to be told that you were such a bad employee that they wont take anyone who could be related to you…. just kidding, I couldn’t fit their hours, but they wanted me to tell you good luck and they are hope you’re having fun in Zambia. They also wanted me to tell you that if you had told them about your trip sooner, they would have loved to fund half of the trip, but oh well what’s a thousand dollars or so, right? I did end up getting a job at Thorton Place Movie theaters at northgate, so… FREE MOVIES ALL THE TIME!!!!! Anyways, I hope that everything is going extremely well and that you’re having the time of your life right now. Cherish every moment. For now, that is all and I hope you enjoyed hearing about my super important daily events. Also I spend about 7 hours a day on Netflix so yeah…
    Hope everything stays Legen….wait for it…DARY!
    Andy Newman

    P.S. I was kidding about the Turnpike thing, oops!

  24. Leslie Ross says:

    Dear Delaney, thank you for this post. We hope you have a safe & insightful journey to the village. Lauren’s dad & I are so impressed by how much ground you & the team are covering. Every update provides so much insight into what you all are experiencing. Today, on this memorial day weekend, we really found ourselves missing Miss Lauren big time. We understand memories created from this journey, on memorial day, will last a life time.

    God Bless & Warm Thoughts,

    Leslie Ross

    PS: Miss you Lauren – Love you very much!!

  25. Lori Newman says:

    I just read all the posts again, and guess what Megan? Of course I am sobbing. Not because I am sad (well there is some of that because I miss you) but because each one of the posts draw me closer to you….As I read each one, I imagine you in Africa. I wish I had some nifty saying to express how I feel about you being there, but I don’t. (The Cooking Channel isn’t big on sayings)…As I read each post, I get an odd sense of peace that you are there and helping and learning…I know you were looking for that kind of experience…I believe it will become a way of life for you….I love ya Megan!!! When I miss ya, I sit in your messy room and close my eyes (and hope the room cleans itself) (no just kidding) and absorb you…ok, I’m rambling. This is when I guess I say “Gotta Go”

    Love you immensely,
    Mom

  26. Cindy Leaver says:

    Delaney:

    You don’t know me, but your mom works with our company. She shared your blog because we happened to be with her the day you left for Africa. The quote from your mother is amazing and you have written beautifully about your experience. How incredibly inspiring! I have been lucky enough to be connected to the Armstrong family through my kids school (Franklin Elementary) and have met Grace who was adopted, I believe, from the orphanage you visited.
    Thank you for sharing your energy and love with the world.

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